To be annoyed at bf spending on a game when we've got baby stuff to get?

[ChosenHenry]

Hi, I’m new here so not really sure how this works but just need to get this off my chest.

Me and bf live together with our baby who’s 11 months. He’s just got paid from his apprenticeship and the first thing he did was buy that new FC26 football game for £56. We actually ended up having a row about it because I feel like we don’t have the spare money for stuff like that right now.

Only last week we had to borrow from his dad to cover food and nappies, so I’m struggling to get my head around why he thought it was a good idea to spend £56 on a game. I know it’s his wages and he works hard, but it feels like I’m the one constantly thinking about what baby needs and he just wants to treat himself.

I don’t want to be controlling but it feels unfair. We still need to get baby’s winter coat and shoes for when he’s walking and now I’m stressing again about how we’re going to stretch things.

AIBU to be this annoyed? Or should I just let him enjoy it since he is the one working?

You chose to have a child with a 17 year old. Like this is odd that you’re acting as if he’s a full grown adult male - when he is still living his childhood. Like I assume he is either in sixth form or college as it’s mandatory for you to be in education until 18? So he is literally still in education, he is living the way most kids do. Sure, he should grow up with a child in the picture but it’s not as easy as clicking your fingers and it happening. Give it a few years and he would manage fatherhood and adult life

Exactly this. In this day and age, the way the price of food is, this is a hell of a lot of money to some of us in the real world.

And?? Can 17 year olds not count? He could not put a nappy on his child’s arse last week. He couldn’t buy a new coat or new shoes that are needed now for his child last week. But he can buy a computer game for himself?? This is what’s wrong with people now. No responsiblity!! He is 17 and gave up his childhood when he got op pregnant. He needs to grow the fk up quick and provide for his child. And doesn’t need people like u enabling him by saying oh he’s still a child himself. No, he isn’t.

I agree and some posters are acting like he should gain 10 years of maturity overnight. He was 16 when he became a father. Barely out of school and GCSEs.
It sounds like he has had very limited choices. Having a stay at home parent, whilst you take on all the financial responsibility is a joint decision. Was that even the case here. Or has there simply
been an expectation that a 16 year old would be the 'bread winner'. On an apprenticeship wage. I won't lie, I'd be devastated if this was my 17 year olds life.

You've had a baby with a boy.

You can't expect adult reasoning, decisions and behaviour from someone who is neither legally nor neurologically an adult.

At 17 he's still in late adolescence and he'll be acting on impulse and instant gratification for a long time to come - the pre frontal cortex that governs decision making is not yet fully formed and won't be til around 25 in both of you. You'll reach that stage yourself before he does and you may find that mismatch will feel more noticeable over the next few years.

He will change a great deal as time goes on and he may grow into a sense of responsibility and maturity.

But there's no guarantee this will happen.

https://www.simplypsychology.org/prefrontal-cortex-development-age.html

Charity shops are brilliant for children clothes, books, toys etc. Re-donate or sell on when they've grown out of them.

Yet OP has somehow managed it.

OP is only 19. One year older. How is she capable of acting responsibly but he isn’t?

If it isn't easy to find a job where you live, how did you think you both be supporting a baby?

My baby was prem & very ill in the first year. Guess what, I had to return to work, because bills cost money so I had to go and earn it to pay for my baby.

Unfortunately you've made choices in life that have taken away a lot of your options. You might not want to do things (like give up a lot of your free time to struggle via public transport to a weekend job, or do night shifts in care home) but you will probably have to. You've had a baby as a teenager, with another teenager, and life isn't free.

OP is only 19. One year older. How is she capable of acting responsibly but he isn’t?

Hmm not sure op 100% is, she's not willing to work to support herself and her family financially, she's got herself into this mess right there with him.

He needs to grow the fk up quick and provide for his child.

She does too. That baby has two parents, its not all on him to fund it.

Yes my hubby plays fortnite 4-5 hours a day, it can be annoying but he is the bread bringer so i don't mind too much as long as he supports us and loves us u shouldnt be so angry at him he has a life too remember and be kind thank you

What do you think when she can't buy nappies for their baby...

Spending the money on a game was a bad choice when you've been unable to afford nappies. But you'd do best to get a job of your own as you're in a weak position financially if you and your bf split up.
Retail and care usually have weekends/evenings/nights. I work part time nights 10pm to 6am, I do 4 on 10 off but they also have staff that work weekends only.

Quite.

Or maybe she could get a job like the rest of us had to with small babies

Have a look on Vinted for bundles of baby clothes. Are you claiming everything you are entitled to?

A haircut isn’t a luxury ffs. Not every woman gets their nails done.

We’d love to all have something for ourselves. But grown ups make sure there is food for the baby first. Plenty of free stuff we can find for ourselves is we don’t have money to buy nappies.

Father buys something entirely unnecessary when on a low wage, borrows money for food, but the problem is the mother who looks after the baby 24/7 doesn’t have a paid job. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Are you kidding? Bloody hell. They are PARENTS who should be a team - both who should put the child’s BASIC needs first.

It’s both.

If he wasn’t “bringing bread” but still spending time and money on a game, you’d be ok with that?

God the bar for men is so fucking low, and yet when they limbo under it it’s still the woman’s fault. 🙄

No, it really isn’t.

There are a dozen reasons OP should get a job, but none of them are because of the failing of her partner.

Yes you can’t afford the game but you also need to go back to work. My eldest was born 4 months early. I have experience of really prem babies. Your baby will be fine.

When there's no money for food or nappies??