If you worked 3 days but earned more than DH, would you do housework on your days off?

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Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

Why wouldn't you want to contribute so you can spend more time together at the weekends?

This kind of tit for tat in relationships is just really unpleasant.

Is it really that difficult to put a wash load on and spend an hour doing house work in the morning when you’ve got the WHOLE of the day left to enjoy yourself?

I would, yes. I think its about effort put in, not outcomes. I'd feel pissed off if I worked harder than my partner at paid employment and then came home and had to spend my weekends cleaning because they'd had a lovely break for two days. There was a thread on here recently from a lady who's partner basically had a trust fund that paid for more than her in full time employment, and he just sat on his bum all day expecting her to work full time and do the majority of the housework because he contributed more financially.

I know things can be a lot more nuanced, and you do need to take into account life admin type work, but generally I think equal effort is fair. Only exception being if the lower earner could earn a lot more but is actively choosing not to as they know they will be ok if they are still carried financially by the other person (eg had a hobby job because they like it even though it pays nothing, because they are effectively being subsidised by the other person). But if your husband works hard and is doing what he can to progress etc then I think it's fair you do more at home with your free time.

Expertly put

Yes, even if you don’t view it as a fairness issue around equal time off, I would want the weekends to be as free as possible.

Wow. I had to give up my career to care for my disabled children. I've recently been thrilled to find a part time role that comes somewhere near my old earning potential while still allowing me to care for my children, who can't access childcare and often refuse school. I'd love to work full time, and maybe I will, but it's hard to find employers who are flexible enough to accommodate the huge personal challenges I face daily.

Yes, but we’re a team. If the day comes where he earns more, or if like to take a break from working, or I had a period of ill health etc… then I’d expect his support too.
I couldn’t imagine watching tv for two days a week and then spending my weekends cleaning with my OH.

I work 3 days. I dedicate a day off to me and a day off to housework - cleaning, shopping, life admin etc.

I think if your husband has to work more hours that yes you should do more housework because you are a team supporting each other.

No, that's the point - if a man said I earn more so am not pulling my weight because my wife earns less then he would be told that is not on.

So husband is being punished for being a lesser earner. Or op is better for being a higher earner. No , not on - you are a team. Well you aren't obviously. Is this because you feel guilty though doing three days? My husband does 4 (with my full agreement) , I do 5 - he feels terribly guilty and tries to stop me doing housework to assuage his guilt.

I think earnings are irrelevant - you’ve got 4 days off, he’s got 2 - however surely you don’t need to be cleaning the whole of those 2 days off and can do other things

For me it’s about the hours worked rather than the earnings. I work less than DH but earn similar. I do
more childcare and housework as I’m not out of the house 12 hours a day. At weekends it should be 50/50 but I don’t think the amount you earn should dictate how much you do at home. Some jobs just earn more than others.

I'd say yes or get a cleaner.
I'd love a cleaner but haven't found another decent one. The last decent cleaner i had turned out to be a student who was doing it in between lectures.
I was delighted for her but gutted when she left.

My dh earns more. He also works longer hours. I do more housework because I have more time not to make up for earning less.

I do the housework on my days off so we can spend time together at the weekend. Granted I don’t clean all day but I get the jobs done in the morning and put my feet up in the afternoon before doing the nursery run

Wouldn’t you rather do a bit of house work on your days off to spend more time with DC and DH at the weekend?

Why does money come into it, that’s irrelevant. It’s how much free time both of you get. You have 4 days off a week, he has 2. Plus you have more holiday! So yes you should do more chores.

Maybe set one extra day to do housework and one day to chill. And days you are both working or off together share chores.

Sorry but it you were male and other female - we would be saying how sexist and misogynistic it sounds. Man earns so doesn’t have to do housework.

i suppose it's up to you how you manage things. But I not sure I would want to be in such a monetised relationship.

But surely it might occur to you that not everyone has the same values or situation as you? Some people value work life balance over cash or have caring commitments or health issues that mean they can't work more.
I only work 3 days and massively struggle with that due to health issues but even if I was fully fit and well there's no way I'd want to work full time again. I value woodland walks and spending time with people I care about over money.

When i read the original post I thought you should be doing more at home on your additional days off but reading your updates it sounds like you rarely get a day off so screw it, do anything essential but take some time for you too. Assume you both get some down time at weekends

I'd say you've got a choice to make as a couple.. if you want to do it by earnings, then at the moment that benefits you. But say he got a promotion which doubled his income, then you'd be having to pick up a lot more housework. Would you like it if you both worked full-time, but he earns 3x what you do, so you do 75% of the housework, watching him chill out? At the moment, your proposed arrangement favours you, but there are no guarantees it'll stay that way. It's very transactional.

Or you do what most sensible people do, and try to make sure you both have equal time off.

That being said, if it's just the occasional day, then it's different from it being 3 days a week you're watching netflix.

I’d just hire a cleaner tbh!

Hmm... I suppose it depends on your family dynamic, but I would feel guilty if I just sat on my bum on my non working day. Me not working means I can get errands done and sort out house stuff - we have a cleaner so I don't generally need to clean the bathroom, but I would if it needed it before weekend guests etc.

I take annual leave if I want to do nothing (very limited at this stage in our lives due to childcare!)

Money earned is irrelevant, it's about who has more free time.

I think division of housework should be based on division of available time, not income, however if you do more when you're both off (parenting, cleaning etc) then I think its fair you claw some of that time back for yourself on your days off. Xx

Maybe you could do a bit of compromise? Some down time and some house stuff. Xx Especially if its things like hairdressing appointments etc that you would find difficult to fit in at any other time. Xx

Income is irrelevant, you should both be contributing equally and getting a similar amount of free time. That includes paid work, house work and childcare. The only way I can see this being fair is if you do the bulk of the childcare at weekends and he gets loads of downtime then. But then where's the family time?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a bit of free time but it's taking the piss to have all day off then expect your partner to get home from work and do housework etc on a regular basis.

I agree