If you worked 3 days but earned more than DH, would you do housework on your days off?

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Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

I dont think earning more makes much difference to be honest. It sort of emphasising that financial contribution is the most important factor in a marriage over an above all else.

I think the idea is you are a team, tackling the world together and hopefully you both work towards a good life as much as you are able. Then you both reap the rewards of a nice home, leisure time and so on in equal measure also.

Yes, a partnership should share income and workload

Op, I don't agree with your attitude. Over time the balance could switch.

if I were you, I'd do some and some - do a few things for yourself but do some household stuff to. Surely that'll mean more relaxing weekends as a family if household stuff has been done.

I couldn’t imagine thinking about my DH first and foremost in terms of how financially beneficial he is .

I would expect you to do more of the housework/child stuff - I would expect you to both have the same amount of free time. When you did stuff is less important

earning is irrelevant

I used to earn masses more than DH even when I was part time so I did more so we both had the same time for fun and gym and friends

Yes i would and did when we were in a similar position - it got the housework out of the way for the weekends. I don't think it should have anything to do with who earns more.

YABU and only considering the value of money, and not the value of time.

I would be v frustrated to know I was working eg 40 hours a week, while my partner was doing 25 hours and then expecting a totally equal split of household chores.

And tbh I would just find it annoying to know you weren’t working and spending your time watching Netflix, while I was…!

I basically work on a "roughly equal free time" basis, so would do more chores if working fewer hours. But, I might feel differently if I was paid more because I'd slogged my guts out to get ahead whilst my DH has been cruising in a low stress job with no ambition or effort to get ahead. Basically, if I thought my DH was really choosing to earn so little rather than it just being one of those things, I might take more of a view of "equal stress" not "equal free time".

If you were doing much longer days, but only 3 days a week (do your hours were the same as his but condensed), I’d think you have a point (unless he’s doing housework and childcare in the evenings whilst you’re working) but you’re working school hours and only 3 days a week - of course you should be doing the bulk of the housework. Not saying he shouldn’t do any, but to make it 50/50 would be totally unfair. You don’t need to do it all day every day of course - breaks are fine, or even the odd day off completely. But imagine it were reversed and you were working 40 hours a week and your husband was working 15 hours a week (I’m assuming 9:30am - 2:30pm) and he didn’t do any housework or life admin etc whilst he was at home and the kids were at school, you’d be on here complaining how lazy he was.

The money has nothing to do with it.

As long as everything gets done and there is a fair split, I don't think it matters when housework is completed. I have 2 days off a week and while I do get things done I certainly don't spend my whole time doing housework - what a waste of my life! DH wouldn't know or care whether I had cleaned the bathroom or gone out for a coffee with friends. I don't believe in having a transactional relationship - you both just get on and do stuff that needs doing without scoring points.

I was in this exact situation a few years ago when I was freelancing and making more in 3 days a week than DH was in 5. I did the majority of the housework on my days off so we could enjoy weekends together. It didn’t take the full 2 days anyway so I still had time to go for lunch etc as well as doing the washing etc. to leave weekends clear.

I'm in your position (except DH works 4 days not 5).

We both do household tasks (though he does the food shop rather than cleaning).
I take care of the washing and do a lot of appointments for the kids on my days off (dentist, GP, extra-curricular).
We share the cooking and school drop-offs, I do the washing-up (with the kids).
I do not avoid household stuff on my days off but neither do I spend the whole day doing it. I always build in time for myself - whether that's reading/TV/being outside or with friends - it depends on the week.

However, our house is not very clean (because life is busy - this week we've had 4 appointments/meetings on top of regular extra-curricular).

It’s not a question for us, it’s how you and dh operate. Lots of factors might be in play eg if you are the primary carer at weekends and he relaxes for his two days off. But FWIW yes I think you should regard your t p weekday days off without caring time to be family time to share with him.

Agree with most previous responses. Money doesn’t come into it. You have the same number of hours in the week. As equal partners, you should aim to spend a similar amount of time working (whether paid or unpaid, job or housework or childcare) as each other and also have roughly the same amount of leisure time.

We have this scenario.
we have a cleaner.

and we are also a team.
It’s not about who earns most. It’s about sharing the load of what needs done.

I still work PT (one ds late teens) and use my days off for me stuff. I see my mum, watch telly, go to the cinema, do my volunteering role, garden, shop. I do a lot of general mooching about 😁
I do occasionally go mad and clean the fridge or defrost the freezer!
We do have a cleaner, and DH earns considerably more than me, if that matters to the argument.

Principles of a marriage are equal fun money and equal time off. I am in a similar situation and do almost all of the household stuff

I think both partners should have roughly equal amounts of free time (not spent working inside or outside the home). This includes where one partner is a stay at home parent. Income shouldn’t (imo) come into it.

Both should have similar time off, regardless.

It's nicer being married to a refreshed person.
It's nicer for the whole family to have some down time together on a weekend.

Imagine if a man posted this.

‘I outearn dw and work 3 days a week, why won’t she do the housework after working full
time for less money - so I can game/Netflix on my days off.’ 🙈

I’d spend one day doing a deep clean because who doesn’t want a clean house. I love it when it’s all tidy and I can sit back to enjoy the cleanliness. The second day I’d do whatever I liked because I’ve done everything I needed to and I can choose to do as I please. But I don’t clean because I’m obligated to, I like doing it so it’s different.
To be clear I respect everyone right not to want to clean and spend their time as they like.
Of course where possible everyone should pick up some responsibility as you live collectively.

Obviously yes. How does money factor in?

I'm on a temporary contract which is 3 days for now. It was 5 days before the summer, and may become 5 days again.

We do have a very complicated situation with SEN children, one a school refuser, which means two of us working full time is difficult. We've gone through phases of me working anything from full time to not at all. The days when both children are at school and I am not working are rare, but happening occasionally now which is why this question has come up.

Yep, we work on a basis of equal leisure time, so yes, I would do more (and do, when it's relevant).

DH has fewer hours than me some weeks (self-employed) and a shorter commute so will do a lot more around the house, whereas sometimes he has to travel around a lot more with long days and I would do more.

We both outearned each other at different points, although I'm currently the higher earner.

Wouldn't it benefit the family more if you worked full time? I would not be amused if DH decided to work 3 days only just because and spend the 2 free days just sitting on the sofa, while I work twice as much and still do half the housework. Some careers pay better than others, doesn't necessarily mean they are harder or the person deserves more free time than someone in less well paid profession. And I'm saying that as the higher earner.