If you worked 3 days but earned more than DH, would you do housework on your days off?

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Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

This. I work 3 days. I pay a cleaner out of my disposable income to come once a fortnight as I don't want to spend both my days off cleaning (however I do all the washing and life admin on one of the days). My husband has the same disposable income but he spends it on haircuts and hobbies etc.

You should have said all of that in your OP

I did 4 days, he did 5 days, I got paid about double what he did. This was for the past 20yrs. I did pretty much everything I could during that day, so we could have more family time during the days we had together. We then both did what needed to be done during our time in the house. I couldn’t be in a relationship where we ‘kept score’.

In theory you should do it. BUT In practice I find my partner sits back and just trails mess everywhere as in his mind I'm home so he can just switch off from basic cleaning. So I have ot push back, I cook daily because I enjoy it but I'm not picking up his wet towels daily because I'm home.

This

Genuine question - how do you this this with a disabled child that isn't able to attend school?

If it was a man doing this, I’d think how incredibly controlling.

Your taking the piss

I think it is selfish unless he too can have a day doing whatever he fancies. I dont think earnings are relevant. I think it should be about kindness.

why don't you both work 4 days a week and do equal chores on the other 3 days etc?

Imagine if a man said "I earn more than my wife, so I think she should do more housework than me".

The amount of money you make doesn’t have anything to do with the housework?

things need doing, split the jobs equally but maybe on my days off I would cook more.Being a higher earner doesn’t suddenly make your partner a skivvy

Much respect to your admittance of hating house work, it’s a blag 😂

I also work 3 days a week to be more present for our SEN child. DH who does 48 hours. I do the lions share of house work because I’m home more, but he does his fair share. We’ve both been the ‘bread winners’ at one point or another in our 23 year relationship, this is literally the first time I’ve thought about it in monetary terms.

Recently I’ve felt a little unappreciated but noted that’s it’s the kids that are leaving a shit tip behind them, not my DH, but he doesn’t make them tidy (just complains about it!) Maybe it’s a similar situation for you.

In your OP you said you spend your days off watching Netflix, but now you're actually caring for disabled school refusing children?

Can’t you husband do the 3 days/childcare as he’s the lower earner?

Yes, this. It's about hours, not the money

Yes we have two.
He very much sees it that he earns more and pays a higher proportion of the bills and so I should do everything. He's literally told me that he has 10 letters after his name unlike me (only have the 2 degrees 😂). Therefore I reap what I sow in life and he will not accept me asking him to help with housework. So there you go!

This^

And what's the amount you earn have to do with it?
Which is confusing in itself as your title says you earn more but in your post you say Personally I feel like since we earn equally

If he earn 2xs your wage what would the difference be, could he excuse himself from doing any chores or at the very least anything all weekend because those are his days off too.

Sounds like your DH works longer hours but seems to do a good share of the chores.

Because when one of us had to give up work, I wanted it to be him. I'd put a lot of effort into my career, had a full time permanent role earning a lot more than him and I didn't want to give it all away. There were other practical reasons too, e.g. I don't drive so can't do school runs, his job was not secure and badly paid. On paper, it made me no sense for me to be the one to give up work. But he refused, I gave up my career and will never regain what I had before.

Lazy.

If it roles were reversed, everyone would say he's a bum.

Well honestly no I wouldn't be happy with my partner said to me "I earn more than you so on my 2 extra free days I'm going to do fuck all" I would not be impressed. And if I were in that position I would expect to do something that would make both of our lives a bit easier, for example instead of cooking from scratch every evening I'd spend half of one of my days off batch cooking so we didn't have to cook and do so much cleaning in the kitchen on days we are both working.

It's just about give and take and empathy isn't it and taking account what is equitable rather than equal. If you earn more because you're a brain surgeon and your partner works a quiet office job, then obvs you need more rest. If you earn more in a cushti upper management role with a PA and he works 60 hours a week scrubbing toilets, I'm not sure where the "I earn more" argument fits in.

This is my life!

I think it would be quite shocking to base everything on how much money you each bring in. By that reckoning, what if you both worked full-time but your DH earned a lot more than you? Would you still think it was fair for him to relax every evening and weekend while you, as the lower earner, did the necessary housework? Marriage is supposed to be a partnership.

What was his justification?

I think income and leisure time should be fairly distributed, otherwise you're not really a life partnership.

I earn nearly double what my husband does but he works much longer hours than me so I naturally pick up more to do with the kids and house.

I can see from your update that you are "on call" to your disabled children so you do have to factor that in - not just in terms of hours per week actually dealing with last minute school attendances etc but in terms of needing a bit more breathing space to cope with the stress of being on call. You would probably have got more sympathetic responses had you put that info in your update.

Work out how much leisure time you need to carve out, use it accordingly and try and fit housework around it too so it's not all pushed into you and husband doing it evenings and weekends, as that sounds miserable. Can you get a cleaner with your extra money?