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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you worked 3 days but earned more than DH, would you do housework on your days off?

524 replies

namechange0998776554799000 · 09/10/2025 11:23

Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

OP posts:
redskydelight · 09/10/2025 11:54

I agree you should have equal time off.

I think the only exception would be if DH had actively pursued a "hobby" type job (e.g. he's a painter who doesn't sell many paintings) that didn't earn much because he expects you to pick up the financial slack. If it's just the question of you are just in a better paying industry, then I think the amount you earn is irrelevant.

StarlightRobot · 09/10/2025 11:54

I don’t agree with this approach because marriage is about teamwork. There is something uncomfortable about splitting working hours or home tasks differently because you are the higher earner. I don’t think you should have special treatment in the family because your husband earns less. That seems counterintuitive in a marriage which should be an equal partnership, in spite of earning imbalances.

Ilovecheeseyah · 09/10/2025 11:55

45 plus & frumpy.

In a nutshell, have been chronically unwell for past 3 years, not working and previously worked in a glam/ fashioned related industry.

Now menopausal and still weak, gravitate to nasty items which make me look like a grandma or horrendous cheap shit. I don’t know what has happened to my taste.

can anyone empathize or recommend a style consultant please?

Thank you
from a cross between Eddie in Adfab (on a good day and Safi (increasingly)

redskydelight · 09/10/2025 11:56

namechange0998776554799000 · 09/10/2025 11:52

I'm on a temporary contract which is 3 days for now. It was 5 days before the summer, and may become 5 days again.

We do have a very complicated situation with SEN children, one a school refuser, which means two of us working full time is difficult. We've gone through phases of me working anything from full time to not at all. The days when both children are at school and I am not working are rare, but happening occasionally now which is why this question has come up.

Show quote history

If it's a rare occurrence, I think it's different to it being week in week out and I would be more in favour of the "do what you want, don't worry about the housework approach".

PurpleThistle7 · 09/10/2025 11:56

My husband and I work things out by time available. I’d be horrified if he suggested I should do more than him at home because he earns more. We both also wfh some of the week so on the days one of us is home we are in charge of whatever needs done. He’s home more than I am so has more of that to manage.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 09/10/2025 11:56

Nope, whomever is at home picks up the jobs when they're there.

I absolutely loathe it when people say this, but when the roles are reversed in a similar conversation there is uproar.

What if you both worked full time and he earned more, would you expect you should pick up more at the weekends to compensate ?

Sunseeker22 · 09/10/2025 11:56

By that logic, I should do more housework because my DH earns more? You have 4 days off a week and your DH 2. In my view, you should do most of the housework am as you have the most time on your hands.

Iwantsandybeachesandgoodfood · 09/10/2025 11:57

What you earn is irrelevant and changes. My husband out earned me by loads for 20 years. He didn’t do less in the house. I now earn more but work less so I do more in the house. I’d be resentful in your partners position; he works more but should do the same as you in the house? I think that’s really horrible.

Southshore18 · 09/10/2025 11:57

namechange0998776554799000 · 09/10/2025 11:23

Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

If DH is working, I would do the house work. You are basically suggesting that the partner who earns less should make up the shortfall in earning with taking care of a higher share of the domestic load. sorry, but I don't think this is how it should work.

I kept DH's back free so he could develop a career. I am the lower earner as I took a backseat as both DC are disabled and we could both have a career. Should I now do 3 times the house work as I only earn 1/3 of his wage?

Wolfpa · 09/10/2025 11:58

I don’t think earnings have anything to do with it, if you have more free time you should be doing more of the house admin. Your DH could always drop to three days enabling you to pick up the extra days and then he can do the housework

arcticpandas · 09/10/2025 11:58

@namechange0998776554799000 How about sahm? In that scenario the dh should do absolutely fuck all following your take on things.

Procrastinatrixx · 09/10/2025 12:00

JamDisaster · 09/10/2025 11:30

Yes you should do housework on your day off if it needs doing. It should be split by available time not earnings.

Agreed.

Goditsmemargaret · 09/10/2025 12:00

Bloody hell. I think that's a poor attitude. My DH earns three or four times what I earn. When he's at home we split time off and tasks equally.

Overthebow · 09/10/2025 12:01

I’m in this position. At the moment my day off is looking after DS, but when he starts school I will be keeping my part time hours. I’m planning on splitting my day so I get some time to go out and meet a friend, or do some shopping or watch Netflix, but I will make sure I do an hour or two of housework jobs too to make both our lives easier at the weekend. I don’t tend to look at it as how much we both earn, we both earn a decent amount and contribute to the household.

Mauvehoodie · 09/10/2025 12:02

I'd probably split the time between relax time and home jobs. I wouldn't go hell for leather on the housework so that DH could walk through the door to a perfect clean home but would do a few useful bits - put a wash on, get dinner going, do a half hour clean for example and then go for the netflix marathon 😁.

MummaMummaMumma · 09/10/2025 12:02

Usually, one person will earn more.
In my opinion, the person who works less should take on more housework.
Money should be shared, same with house work. You're supposed to be a team. You're being selfish.

Notmyreality · 09/10/2025 12:04

Chocolateismylovelife · 09/10/2025 11:30

The person working less should do more in the home regardless of income.

This

saraclara · 09/10/2025 12:04

Principles of a marriage are equal fun money and equal time off.

Agree. That's how my late husband and I worked. And at different points in our life, each of us was the one who was at home more, and did more of the house stuff.

Bordercollierun · 09/10/2025 12:04

Seems really petty to me.

Just do the housework if you have time. It doesn’t matter who earns more.

ShesTheAlbatross · 09/10/2025 12:04

I think that you should both have equal amounts of downtime, regardless of salary. So yes, I’d do housework on those days. I wouldn’t do it solidly 9-5:30 with an hour for lunch - mainly because housework doesn’t take that long! But I wouldn’t sit and do nothing for two days, and then split it all at the weekend.

Original poster
namechange0998776554799000 · 09/10/2025 12:04

I am reading all replies and willing to accept maybe I'm being a little unfair. I just hate housework and can't afford a cleaner 😆

As I said there is more context and probably some resentment on my side due to being forced to give up my original career to care for DS. But we've moved on from that so maybe I need to put that aside and be a bit more pragmatic

OP posts:
Blanketenvy · 09/10/2025 12:04

FairyRobot · 09/10/2025 11:28

I wouldn’t do that personally. I see that we are a partnership, and both should be putting in as much ‘work’ as the other, whether that’s paid work, childcare or housework. It doesn’t matter to us who brings in more money, it’s about sharing the joint load. I would feel unfair if I was having loads of leisure time while he didn’t - not very team spirited….

Yeah exactly this. I worked 3 days whilst ex dp worked full time and earnt more, I always did some extra house work etc although still ended up with more leisure time. Would have felt awful if he'd come home from work and had to start hoovering if I'd been doing nothing all day..

PrissyGalore · 09/10/2025 12:05

I don’t think housework should be based on earning power but on free time. I work fewer hours than my husband so I do the house work, lawn mowing and cooking on my days off. He cooks when I’m at work as he tends to get in earlier. If he didn’t bother with housework and maintenance if he had loads of free time, I’d feel resentful. You sound as if your dh pulls his weight, but if you start equating earnings with contributing to the running of the family while your oh works more hours than you, that’s poor. Why not get a cleaner?

greengreengrass3 · 09/10/2025 12:05

I work compressed hours and have each Friday off, I on occasion do the odd bit of housework but mainly see friends, walk the dogs, shopping get hair or nails done and my Husband always asks what nice plans I have.

Aquestiontoponder · 09/10/2025 12:05

It's interesting and an issue in our house hold. My partner only works 9 hours a week but earns slightly more than me working full-time.
However I still do all the house work, cooking, cleaning etc. in fact I'm running around in between work doing washing etc and he spends the day in bed or playing computer games. As soon as I finish work, I'm cooking and he's playing Xbox.
I'm very, very resentful as I'm exhausted- moreso at present as I've been ill for 2 weeks. I'm literally hanging out his clothes in the middle of work whilst he goes back to bed for the day (he's up until 2am on the computer).