If you worked 3 days but earned more than DH, would you do housework on your days off?

[namechange0998776554799000]

Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

My husband out earns me to such a degree that he could work one half day per week and still bring home more than me working ft. If he chose to do this and spend 4.5 days a week enjoying himself and not doing housework, I'd be very upset.

Real shame that you didn't add a Poll to this, bet that it would have shown that the vast majority of viewers would think that your selfish attitude was totally unreasonable.....

Did PPs castigating @namechange0998776554799000 not see her subsequent posts where she outlines what a selfish knob her DH has been? How she has pretty much sole care of SEN DC? And how little housework her DH does?

Maybe read these posts before calling her unreasonable or selfish.

I think they were trying to say that if a man said I work fewer hours, earn more money so I should be able to go play golf, cycle, gym etc in my spare days rather than do chores the majority would berate him and say he should be doing more in the house. As mist have said the earnings have nothing to do with time spent rekaxing/doing chores it's about who has more free time. I my marriage my exh worked Mon to Fri and did whatever he wanted at weekends (F1, motogp, football etc). I worked 5 days which included a Saturday. I also did all housework, childcare. We are no longer married because after 30 years of being taken for granted and gaslighted if I dare mention the uneven distribution of house type work I divorced him. He was shocked but soon found another woman so desperate for a man she stepped into my shoes before everything was signed!! My life is soooo much better now. Eventually found a man who thinks that everything should be shared and it is 😉

How anyone can sit around watching tv on their days off is beyond me!
Id be bored to tears!
I have 3 days off a week my husband has 2, he only works 4 hours more a week than me.
If something needs cleaning or beds need stripping or washing needs doing then I’ll do it, once that’s done I’m out of the house doing something for me, I can’t be sitting around doing nothing

In a partnership you should be working equal hours, regardless of whether or not those hours are paid. You sound like you’re doing a lot less work than your husband which is very unfair.

Your pay doesn’t come into it.

I would always split by hours not pay.

some sectors pay more so if you were both working the same hours you’d split chores despite pay difference.

What if a man posted here asking whether he’s unreasonable to criticise his wife for sitting around after he’d refused to support her career by insisting she stopped working to care full time for their SEN DC?

What if you all read @namechange0998776554799000 ‘s subsequent posts about her knob of a husband and his 40 year housework blindness?

No, i think you shoukd be sorting the whole house out, regardless of your pay because you work less time. Yes he should pitch in, but if there's something that needs doing in the house, then you should be using those spare days to do it.

Unfortunately few people seem to reading past the first post.

I'm glad for you that you and your DH are such a good team.

No that’s not what I would expect in a marriage, unless he also has the option to work part time but just chooses not too, your respective earnings shouldn’t come into it

I agree with this. I just couldn't enjoy myself anyway thinking of my poor DH working away and deliberately leaving housework for him to do on top of work whilst I could have it done whilst he's at work. Or alternatively at least pay someone else to do it if finances allow, that's a valid alternative too. As it is he earns a lot more than me but we have the same working hours now. Sadly can't afford a cleaner though. Our house is mostly just a tip tbh...

To me, it’s not about money earned but about use of time. If he’s working in those hours, that’s his contribution. Your contribution in those hours is a mixture of working and helping maintain the house. The money earned by both of you is shared, as is the nice tidy home.

Try reading OP’s other posts. Her career imploded because her husband wouldn’t be flexible, she has significant caring responsibilities for SEN children, he does little army home plus she has had cancer. I think OP’s allowed to do what the hell she likes actually.

👆

Wow OP. Just read all your updates.
you are entitled to not run yourself ragged whilst you recover from Cancer and run around after kids and a DH.
it must totally suck to have had to walk away from a career you loved and earnt good money at when the decision makes no sense based on your earning power vs his and the practicalities of driving for pick ups etc. sounds like he was / is selfish and could not accept that this was a good idea and take on the more traditionally female role.

so yes. Resentment on your part probably comes to the surface when you have to tackle a job you hate like cleaning the bathroom. Again.

enjoy your downtime and please invest in yourself to get back to full strength . And that may look like day time TV, coffee with friends and MN scrolling!!!!

This.

His contribution:

• refusing to do much for 2 SEN DC
• Forcing the OP to give up a lucrative career while he earned less than her
• never cleaning a bathroom in 40 years
• lack of stepping up when the OP was very ill

he’s not even as good a provider as she is.

that’s his “contribution”

You need to update your original post with the other info u just gave later about sen kids, giving up career etc

Your original post yabu. Your updates make you not

Of course I would. It’s the hours that you work, not what you earn. You have more time than he does. It’s unreasonable to expect him to spend his smaller amount of time off work cleaning because you earn more. That’s Princess territory.

Agree. I'd take some time to relax, not do housework solidly because it won't do him any favours to get used to doing nothing, but I would do some.

Edited: just rtft and there's a lot more to it. Dammit, I try and be fair to men but they always seem to disappoint 😂

I work part time, DH full time. I do try and do the majority of the housework on my days off so we have the weekend free. But if I am busy meeting friends/haircut (rarely) we share them on an evening/weekend. I don’t ask him to and he never minds or makes me feel bad. He does say my days off should be whatever I want even if watching crap on TV. However to do that all the time that doesn’t sit right with me (and not just because he earns more than me) but because we’re a team.

I agree. My reply was very different when I realised that OP has SEN children.

Tbh i think itll sow resentment to say i earn more than you so i can do what I like.

Isnt there some compromise here? Of course you should relax and potter but I dont think earning more gives you a free pass to do nothing 2 days a week.

I think he sounds jealous he works full time, it sounds like he pulls his weight and because you earn more youre chilling more and he doesnt get the same. Maybe talk to him about how you each get time to relax