If you worked 3 days but earned more than DH, would you do housework on your days off?

[namechange0998776554799000]

Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

Anyone can split up and if you're not married you've made no promise not to split up so it seems normal to me to think about what would happen if you DO split up. I find it curiously positive to think you never will!

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

She'd be delighted because that would mean she'd been able to continue with her better paid career while her husband took responsibility for his SEN children and the cleaning!!

Are you ignoring that many people who do make a commitment to not split up, do?

I was with my ex husband for 12 years, and can confirm that I did leave him.

I’ve been with my current partner 5 years, and certificate or no certificate I think I know how committed we are.

Marriage doesn’t hold the same weight as it used to. Lots of people remain unmarried and happily stay together. My sister is in her 20th year with her partner, still not married.

Marriage doesn’t dictate how much housework you do, how happy you are, your intentions to leave or not leave. Being a wife is really just being a long term partner with a different label.

I’m not saying we won’t ever split up. I really hope we don’t, but I’m not saying that’s an impossibility.
What I am saying is, I find it so bizarre, and so negative of you, to take my innocent comment about my boyfriend doing a bit more housework than I do, because he has a lot more free time, and turn it into depressing chat about how we aren’t married, and one day we might split up, and then he’ll regret doing the housework. Such a negative outlook on life. I just don’t live my life thinking that way!

Glad it’s not just me who’s finding @Gwenhwyfar comments so bizarre!!!

I don’t think @MaplePumpkin ever said she thinks her and her boyfriend won’t split up? “I find it curiously positive to think you never will.” She has at no point said they never will split up?
You’re making things up. Shes saying her boyfriend (happily!) does a bit more around the house because he has a lot more free time. Why are you talking about them splitting up?

My marriage is a team, it's not got anything to do with money. We both do whatever needs to be done, we can then enjoy the time off together.
We do have blue jobs and pink jobs!

I don’t think the amount earned is relevant. You’re at home two days a week when he’s working. You’re entitled to do things like getting your hair and nails done, going to the gym or watching Friends but you can also make sure the house is reasonable. The worst thing in the world is working all day and coming home to a trashed house. I’d resent my DH so very much if he did this to me.

Yes. I work 3 12.5 hr shifts a week, and still do ALL the housework

Why?

"Are you ignoring that many people who do make a commitment to not split up, do?"

What? No, that's exactly my point. You have to think about what happens if you split up.

Youbsound like a saint OP, staying with suchba selfish man.
Never depend on him.
Have a savings account on the side.
He's too selfish to rely on.

I agree from a financial planning perspective, hence my earlier comments about never fully relying on a partner for money.

But if my partner and I split up, I’d just do all the housework. As I’m sure the poster you originally responded to would.

It doesn’t really require thought - if her boyfriend wasn’t there, she’d just cook her own dinner and not starve to death.

This!

I look for equal effort not pay. If my partner thought earnings should dictate contribution to household labour I would be pissed off.

Can't believe what I read tbh.

Do you feel this entitled because you earn more, so your partner should do more of the grunt work, even though they have less free time? I'm sure there's more to it than this, but bloody hell.

Unless you live in some 20-bed mansion with acres and acres of land to tend to, I can't see how even doing a decent clean of a whole house would take you two days ever, surely an hour or so per day, and this is coming from a household that hoovers each day and has two bathrooms to clean, every day before work.

Did you miss where the OP's DH flatly REFUSED to stay at home to care for his 2 DC with SEN, requiring @namechange0998776554799000 to give up a higher paying career, for which she had worked very hard?

And he now refuses to do his fair share of the housework?

That would have been divorce territory for me.

It sounds ridiculous to me, why you feel that because you earn more than your husband you do less work in the house, you also have more days off i assume, so why not do bathroom? Ideally why not have one day doing what you want to do, having coffee chilling etc and other day or even half a day doing bathroom or what ever else needs doing in the house. What does your husband get to do on his days off?

oops not seen that feel bad for my post now

No, I read that. I also read that he took time off work to care for his wife, which led to his agreement to a 4-year term in his current post. The very first post mentions that they basically split things, and he's not actually raised this point at all.

'I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️
DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).'

It's a non-post, possibly a brag about her earnings, and she's waiting for her partner's response, who knows.One of the very first responses was, perhaps he should earn more money. The poor bastard hasn't said anything.

"But if my partner and I split up, I’d just do all the housework. As I’m sure the poster you originally responded to would.
It doesn’t really require thought - if her boyfriend wasn’t there, she’d just cook her own dinner and not starve to death."

Thinking about what would happen if you split up was for the people doing more than their own share of the housework. They are the ones who might feel they've wasted their lives when they split up and were not married, obviously not the ones being cooked for!

Yes, I've done this and yes, I've done more of the household stuff - including the vast majority of the life admin. I have, however, made sure I do things for myself (like swimming, brunch out etc). I've also used the time for some professional development via a membership organisation.

I'm up to 4 days now (2 days commuting 2 hours each way), and on the cusp of having 'the talk' about dh stepping up a bit more. I find, for example, that all the washing tends to get saved up for the day I'm off and the hoovering almost never gets done unless I do it. And on occasions he's asked me what my plans are for the day, to which I've replied "whatever the fuck I want".

It's hard to say what the right balance is, but ime there's a risk that women who tend to earn more but work pt end up doing everything and running themselves ragged. Once you start doing something, it's hard to then say "hold on, how did I end up taking on more work, and still doing the same amount at home?!" Expectations needs to be re-set.

This. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do things you want too but as you have more time I’d definitely do more at home to save the boring jobs eating into weekends too much. Money is irrelevant in my opinion.

If it was the other way round and your husband was retired/had loads of money/worked 2 days a week, would you be happy for him to do bugger all at home while you worked a 5 day week?