If you worked 3 days but earned more than DH, would you do housework on your days off?

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Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

Totally agree with this

A fair bit of drip feeding from you op. If you had explained all from the start then initial responses would have probably been very different.

I'd pay a cleaner as days off during the week are precious and for the very things you speak of.

Oh, well I don’t agree with that either. On the planet I live on everyone works, everyone tidies, and everyone contributes.

You don't agree with married people having shared assets or fair divorce settlements?

That’s not what I said.

I don’t believe cleaning and tidying holds a monetary value in a modern day relationship. We’re not employees, we’re wives/husbands.

I don’t expect to be remunerated for household responsibilities, that everyone should have and share, both while married and when divorcing.

My husband earns triple what I do . We both work full time but me over 4 days . We have two children.

DH would never ever expect me to do more because I have an extra day off and he earns way more . Lord !

I mean...you have 2 days free...its nothing to do with how much you earn. Your at home. Sure relax/meet friends etc. But if your at home and things need doing why not just do it. Dont just leave it to him just because you earn slightly more

"I don’t believe cleaning and tidying holds a monetary value in a modern day relationship. We’re not employees, we’re wives/husbands."

But if it's acknowledged in a divorce settlement, then it DOES, whether you believe it or not. For example, if a woman gives up work to bring up children and therefore has a small pension, shouldn't she be entitled to some of her husband's?

I agree.

In my opinion, no.

But that opinion because I would literally never do that, or put myself in the position where I relied on a husband’s income or pension.

I certainly wouldn’t household responsibilities for a paid for life, or subsidised retirement. Pensions and salaries come from employers, not husbands.

Married in excess of 40years. I always earned more and retirement income greater. However, we’ve never counted. Money always into one pot and household jobs always split. I did the school run - DH did the dinners. He did the garden and I did the ironing. We were both able to sit down in the evenings together. I’m afraid that I find some “partnerships” today quite selfish. Our family life has always been about our family not about counting who did what.

What a weird outlook on life.
If we split up I’d like to think he’d have more sadness over the end of a wonderful relationship than to think “damn I wish I never did the laundry and prepped the veg for dinner.”

Ah OK, but some people do and it makes sense for them, for example if the cost of childcare is higher than one of the wages or if they move to a country where only one person has a work permit.

It's possible to have both opinions isn't it?

Glad the OP said she was muting the thread, considering all the people posting without reading her follow up posts. She has SEN school refusing kids, and was forced to step back from her career because her lower earning husband refused to take any responsibility. It's a lot more complicated than she just works less hours.

Is it just me would have told him to get fucked and not done it though?

It’s all well and good being resentful that you gave your job up because he wouldn’t - don’t do it!

As Will Young once sang, “Anything Is Possible.” I just find your outlook on my situation rather depressing, and how my boyfriend doing a bit of extra housework whilst he waits for me to come home from work turning into your thoughts about us not married and splitting up very unnecessary and negative!

Yes I would. Do you think it's more fair to expect him to do the same amount of work as you when he works 5 days (and does he work all year round while you work only term time)?

If it were the other way around and a woman's DH had a higher paid job so chose to work three days while his wife worked 5 and was still expected to do at least 50% of the housework....

Even marriages split up these days! And of course it's a possibility for everyone.

It's a tricky one, the reason I'm in this position is because i worked my arse off in my late 20s/ early 30s doing a degree alongside full-time shiftwork, DH on the other hand travelled instead of establishing a career (which is a fair choice) but i feel that now i don't get to benefit from the hardwork that has meant that i can earn more on less hours.

I agree with this. It’s not about money. Some people on lower incomes can’t earn more for many reasons. But they’re still working?!

I think it’s actually quite selfish to not do any housework on those days and then the person working 5 days has to spend their evening and weekends doing it. The FT person should still help of course.

I know. But I don’t know why my boyfriend doing a bit of laundry once he’s waved me off for work in the morning is making you talk about us splitting up one day. Bizzare.

If we’d like to be really pessimistic, most marriages end in divorce. Almost like there’s no point.

• First Marriages: About 41% of first marriages end in divorce.
• Second Marriages: Around 60% of second marriages end in divorce.
• Third Marriages: The divorce rate increases further to about 73% for third marriages

I’ve not caught up and probably should have done that before posting. My bad. BUT if you’d put the context into the OP then you would have gotten different replies. Giving up a career, SEN child and cancer are all massive. I still think housework shouldn’t be split by earnings - but I can see more of your points and think a chat is needed