If you worked 3 days but earned more than DH, would you do housework on your days off?

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Just that really. Our situation is much more complicated, but in a nutshell I work 3 days a week, school hours & term time only, but still earn slightly more than DH who works full time. I'd say we share most housework roughly equally at the weekends and evenings, I do more cooking as he gets home late but he cleans the kitchen. I do more childcare but he does school runs.

My question is whether he should be peeved if I spend my two days off a week watching Netflix/getting a haircut/meeting friends, rather than cleaning the bathroom (as I just started to, which prompted this thread). Personally I feel like since we earn equally, I should do what I like on my days off and not feel guilty about it. Actually I feel like it's kudos to me for being in this situation 🤷‍♀️

DH hasn't actually expressed anything on the matter (yet).

I will still clean the bathroom, because it needs it, but I don't plan to feel bad about watching the traitors afterwards.

This.

I earn a little more than my SO and he does more housework than I do (we both were FT but I have a longer commute). He used to do more housework when I was earning less than him (but working more), btw…!

however: your backstory does put a different spin to it. I absolutely understand you being resentful. But can you continue to be in a relationship with a person you resent (even if he has given you cause)? Or somebody so lazy (or incompetent) that he has never cleaned your bathroom?

The idea that you do less housework because you earn more dish is uncomfortable. If roles were reversed and DH worked part time but earned more than you, wouldn’t you be pissed off with him for effectively causing you to do more housework - or leave it dirty. ?

Fair enough, that's a reasonable response to that kind of treatment, tbh. My impression from the parents' forums I'm on for kids with SEN/mental health problems/school refusal is that there are relatively few men carrying their fair share of the load unfortunately.

I clean on my off days but then again I like it and it makes me feel good; like I can put some order back into life after the working days of chaos.
If you don't like cleaning and can afford a cleaner, get one, pay for someone else to have a better life!

of course I would. It's weird that you don't.

When does be get his me stuff? So selfish

This

In a nutshell 👍

I think you’re taking the piss! I have always significantly out earned my husband but I don’t resent it because it’s not like he’s plodding around in a dead end job - he just has a very good office job and I have a crazy corporate job.

we don’t have kids so it’s different, but if the kids are in school / kindy and you have two full days to yourself you can still get a perfectly nice balance of slight lie in, housework/chores, life admin (insurance renewals, holiday booking etc) and still have time for pottering, coffee catch ups and get your nails done etc.

first of all I think you’re taking the piss not working full time (don’t you want to invest, save house deposits for your kids, pay down your mortgage?)

secondly if my husband had two days off a week I’d expect all the housework to be done and all the paperwork/tax returns to be done so we could all spend quality time together at the weekend without trips to tesco, laundry, cleaning the bathroom etc.

ps my husband works full time from home so he makes more dinners, does more dog walks, will bung in laundry etc but at the weekend I do more cleaning and certainly more cooking to compensate. But I love cooking and like making an elaborate meal. I think we are pretty equal, yes I earn far more but we are a great team.

I think it’s strange to link the amount of housework you do to the amount you earn.

The person who spends more time at home should do more, I couldn't imagine working two days less than a partner and frittering the time away. I would rather do the work so we had the weekends free.

Wow ! If the shoe was on the other foot , I bet you would anticipate he would use his 2 days off to help you manage the house aswell as enjoy himself. His time isn't worth less than yours because he earns less! Help the man out and then perhaps enjoy weekends doing something together other than housework?

I’d say guilt doesn’t come into it, but teamwork and partnership does. I kinda felt weird reading your post because I couldn’t imagine quantifying ’how much’ housework I’d do based on who earned what…?! If something needs doing, it needs doing. And what’s ’needed’ does absolutely include stuff that bolsters your mental health of course. If I had two whole days to myself, I’d want a balance for how I spent it - appreciate that’ll look different for everyone - but that does include contributing to your home. As it is, I usually get a mere two or three hours haha! In that time, there’s usually laundry to tackle, something to dust, prep lunch/meal stuff for weekends and a gym session. In any partnership, so long as you’re on the same page, this stuff shouldn’t even cross your mind. I often enjoy getting stuff done when husband and kids are out of the way because it’s less stressful - plus it frees up time to do stuff together that’s way more enjoyable.

For most people "promotion" doesn't exist. You could say "Let them eat cake"

Yes, I hate weekends taken up by that stuff

there’s a balance though isn’t there. You can clean and keep everywhere tidy and meet a friend for coffee. It shouldn’t come down to earnings. I’m sort of with your husband in that way. He works longer hours, then cleans when he gets in while you don’t?

we have an unspoken arrangement that as I work less hours some weeks due to what I do, I cover doing shopping and cleaning. I still fit in coffee shop visit usually with my dog. Then in the weeks when I’m mega busy it amounts to working the same hours so we share it. That’s just partnership I think.

Yes. Money doesn't come into it in our house. It's about 'free time' regardless of who earns what I think it's fair that we both have equally enough leisure time .ao if that meant I had to do a day of housework during the week so we could both relax over the weekend than that's fine with me.

Yes. I’m in this situation and I use my additional days off to keep on top of the house/bills/admin so weekends can be for family time.

I couldn't live with dirty anything - if it needs cleaning it gets cleaned regardless of how much anyone earns/ works so many hours...

We’ve got a SENd 9y/o - cognitively around 2.5y/o. He’s got very limited communication, doubly inconvenient, sleeps for about 3/4hrs a night and presents challenging behaviour.

I will admit that fortunately for us, despite all that, he goes into school without issue.

But - the only reason we’re both able to hold down jobs is because we share the load and work as a team, in all areas.

I wouldn’t accept anything less, and “looking after your own child” is very much one of my minimum expectations!

I think you have realised perhaps what was on your mind was never really about cleaning the bathroom. Whether we call it a drip feed or processing difficult experiences, I think your later posts bring things to the heart of the matter. The choices that have to be made when life events turn in a unexpected and challenging way; the sacrifices; the battle with doing the right thing; values and morals - the things that are said along the way and more importantly the things that are not said.

Most interesting, is that your initial intent was to reflect on a moment of things going well but in exploring the idea of being selfish/looking after yourself - what ever it is, it opened the bigger story of battling hardship with limited moments of celebration. Perhaps this is the useful outcome, to enjoy the small wins when they come, don't overthink them and protect them from the wider demands that you know will come but today are not so present.

Personally I’d I would, as it would
mean our weekends are free to do as we wish.

It’s not about the amount of work you do, it’s about your relationship. If the work gets done it shouldn’t matter who does it or how much time it takes. If there is enough money to live on it shouldn’t matter who earns it.
No one should be telling you how to spend your time.

Yes - unless you want to pay a cleaner. Do you really think your husband should do the housework on his 2 days off, or even help you with it, when you have 4 days off? In my opinion, the money you both earn goes into a pot and in this situation, you could get the cleaning and shopping done on one of your days off, have a day to yourself and have a weekend with your family - sounds perfect!

Yes. Your a team and should share the work on time not pay.