Daughter not soeaky

[Doglover36]

Granddaughter is 6 months old.. husband kissed her on back of head my daughter has not spoken to us since.. saying that we shouldn't of kissed her child.. anyones thoughts?

“speaking”

wasn’t that hard to work out.

So you both know that she doesn't want her child to be kissed on the head. Your DH did it anyway.

How did he react when she pulled him up on it? Mortified and apologies or disrespecting her parenting choices. And you?

I wonder if it was your ongoing attitude that caused the rift and she is waiting for a proper apology and reassurance that you won't dismiss her parenting choices in future .

OP and her husband have been told no and have done it anyway; and my response allows abusive behaviour?!

Their daughter, the same as you and I, is entitled to make decisions about how she chooses to bring up her child and what she thinks is in their best interest. OP and her husband have clearly overstepped the boundaries that their daughter has expressed and if they had a healthy relationship with their daughter they would have respected her wishes (irrespective of whether they agreed with her or not).

Equally the opposite can also be true though. My mum does the most to insist my toddler gives her kisses and hugs whenever she wants them and will try to guilt him if he refuses- I teach my son that if he doesn't want to kiss or hug ANYONE then he can say no and they should accept that right away. I will call her out every single time in front of him or anyone else. I work in safeguarding and I see it as my job to protect and enforce my child's boundaries until he's old enough to do that for himself. My mum gets cross and I quite frankly really don't care because she's an adult and not his parent so her opinion is moot. Often parents are instilling boundaries to be protective and some people struggle with boundaries more than others. Still doesn't make that parent harmful or abusive or domineering.

I remember bursting into tears when my eldest was a baby because I thought it was too cold for my Dad to carry her out to the garden without socks on. It was a summer evening so not exactly freezing, but I felt her feet would get cold.

My Dad didn't listen to me and took her anyway. So I burst into tears (she was only a few weeks old in my defence). Not because I thought it would actually cause her any harm, but because he wasn't listening to me. She was MY baby, and I didn't feel comfortable with it - but he did it anyway.

He apologised afterwards which I accept immediately then that was that.

Has your husband apologised for going against her wishes?

Initially I thought your daughter was being UR, but then that memory popped up for me and remember that I felt so protective over my baby, and that my Dad was taking over as if he was the parent and not respecting what I said. As trivial as it sounds! Your daughters concerns about germs are valid. She's just trying to protect her baby, even if others think it's ridiculous.

The world has gone mad hasn't it, mother not wanting grandad to kiss baby on the head.
You need to have a chat with her, maybe she's just not well or not coping.

No need for the snarky comment. ‘Soeaky’ bears little resemblance to ‘speaking’ and could easily have been some slang term which is what I had assumed.

In fact it’s closer to ‘spoken’ than ‘speaking’.

I don't know why everyone is assuming the OP's husband is her daughter's father. She doesn't say that, so we can't assume. We have no idea what this new mother's relationship is like with her mother's husband - he may be her father, or he may be some creepy pervert her mum married that she hates and distrusts. It is impossible to judge with the information available.

Yes, and if my parent described me as an adult as having as a 'strop', a 'tantrum' or any of the other patronising, infantilising terms some posters have used here I think I'd be making that contact break permanent!

Google RSV and look up the number of deaths linked to it. You will find out it’s not just a cold. Are you incredibly dense?

Is he her father? Is she normally a very anxious person? Has she ever cut you off before?

PFB? 🤔🙄

I suspect this is the final straw. People seldom cut people off for just one incident, it’s likely the latest in a long string of events.

I wonder ho this girl will react when she actually has some real problems to sort out. Especially if she likes alienating people who care about her through her irrational behaviour.

I'm sure as a grown woman with her own hone, husband and child she's been sorting real problems out for a long time just fine.

Yet still acts like a petulant, sulky teenager and can keep it up for a whole month.
She must be nightmare if someone rubs her up the wrong way at work. Imagine the toxic office atmosphere with someone giving a month long silent treatment.

This isn’t going to be the first time you’ve done something. You’ve even left the herpes out of the post and slipped up with the we.

You’ve ignored her wishes and risked her child getting a life long condition. She can’t trust you with her most precious thing. Likely fed up of constantly having to be on edge she’s taking a break from you both.

Also to the she will come running when she wants child care. Most people have more than one option and lots just don’t feel or have the need to constantly palm theirs off. Especially not to people who cannot respect the parental wishes.

Hilarious 😂

Well done you ⭐️

Yes - being drama llama parents will not help their children gain immunity from bugs. 🙄

Why are you so desperate to pant an adult woman saying no and refusing to engage with people who won't respect her as a petulant child?

Why do you find it so triggering for a woman to say no?

Probably be fine as long as they don't kiss her baby.

I’m honestly taken aback by how much tolerance there seems to be for the disrespect this daughter has shown. Whatever happened to respecting your parents? All she had to do was calmly explain why she didn’t want anyone kissing her baby. These are her parents, after all. I just can’t understand how people are okay with her not speaking to them for a whole month.

She hasn't mentioned the fact of a woman. It's you trying to haul it onto that turf. It could equally be said of a DS.