Daughter not soeaky

[Doglover36]

Granddaughter is 6 months old.. husband kissed her on back of head my daughter has not spoken to us since.. saying that we shouldn't of kissed her child.. anyones thoughts?

And @Helplessandheartbroke Sorry but my thoughts are that shes a loon and a snowflake gen z

In the UK, one baby a week dies from the herpes virus contracted from cold sores. Even those who survive can have lifelong neurological problems. A further 30 babies a year die from RSV and those who survive can have lifelong lung issues.

If this can be avoided by something as simple as not kissing babies, why wouldn’t you do it?

I’m sure, like me, you are of or close to the generation where we were thrown in the back of cars, even in the boot of a hatchback, no restraints. But we realised this was killing large numbers of children so we stopped it. I survived those days, but many children didn’t. With each generation we learn new things about babies. We learn how to reduce neonatal deaths, how to raise them better. By the time my daughter has a child there will be more knowledge and she will do things differently because they have figured out how to reduce other things that are a risk to babies. Isn’t that what we want? For our grandchildren to be safer than we were? Every older generation claims “things have gone too far” and “this generation is so soft” which is ridiculous. It wasn’t true of the boomers when they raised us, nor true of the Gen X-ers as we raised our babies. The only one constant across each generation is, what they need is support, not ridicule. So if you hear something you think is stupid, maybe look at the research and think whether the tiny request you are unwilling to follow is worth the risk (not matter how small) of killing or giving life long damage to your precious grandchild.

I managed to get through without ever needing grandparents to babysit. If they were so prepared to cross a boundary like this, and not concede they had made a mistake, I wouldn’t have asked them anyway.

OP any chance your DH has for ignoring DD's requests or for infringing on her physical boundaries? Seems unlikely to me that DD's reaction isn't to a bigger pattern.

Apologise and ask her how she feels about this and why. And try to listen. Even if she's blowing out of proportion in your view.

What on Earth does ‘soeaky’ mean? I’ve googled and read through the thread but still non the wiser?

me too…

but yeah if you’ve been told not to kiss and did it anyway then you’re at fault

It pisses me off how much HSV and RSV get conflated!!! Any threads about people not wanting relatives to kiss their baby talk about the two in the same breath as if the mechanisms of transmission are the same. HSV i.e. cold sores are transmitted through kisses, yes, and NHS recommends people don't let others kiss their newborns because of this.

RSV is a respiratory virus and kissing is not any particular risk factor for passing it on! Especially in the case of the OP, a kiss on the back of the head WILL NOT PASS ON RSV!!!! If you want to make a particular effort to stop your baby from getting RSV, get your vaccine during pregnancy. Then keep your small baby away from crowded areas and any sort of close contact, and ask visitors to stay away if they're ill. If you allow your baby to have close contact with people, take them out in crowded public areas, go to playgroups where they share toys with other children etc, then you are NOT GOING TO REDUCE YOUR BABY'S RISK OF CATCHING RSV by not letting relatives kiss them!!! It's a tiny symbolic hopeful gesture that does nothing.

Yes I agree about the toy-throwing - and the bedding. But I can also see how the thought of it is unsettling for her and she'd just prefer people didn't.

But the silence is childish.

So this has been a rule for some time, but your husband disregarded it?

She likely feels you don’t respect her parenting choices

“Put their spit” is a really weird interpretation of a kiss in my opinion. But there you go.

@Doglover36 Based on this info' on the NHS website (www.nhs.uk/conditions/respiratory-syncytial-virus-rsv/ ) unless your DGD is vulnerable for some reason, I think your DD has totally over-reacted and I'm sorry she's now blanking you and your DH. If she keeps this up I feel sure she will regret it in the future.

To not understand the instinct to kiss a baby is indeed a bit alarming.

Not saying that means you give into it in every circumstance, but to not understand it is so weird. That soft, soft hair and the baby smell ...

This says a lot about you and how you view your daughter.

She asked you not to and stated her reasoning - she shouldn’t even have to do the latter but she did. You cracked on as you didn’t respect what she was asking of you both and are now firmly in the victim position. Good on your daughter for holding a firm boundary.

It's a new thing, find every possible reason to be offended by anything - it's also exhausting & unfair. We raised our own kids in different times, it didn't do them any harm......oh, but wait a minute 🤔

It's incredibly childish. Yet we live in a world where we are allowed to be offended at the drop of a hat and throw sulky tantrums. I have to say to keep it up for a month is impressive.
OP - make bets with your husband about when she will come skulking back. Closest one to the date wins a prize. Turn it into something light hearted to stop you getting so upset.

There is no way, absolutely no way, that you’ve presented the whole story here.

I can’t believe there are people frothing at the mouth responding to this complete lack of information.

If your daughter wrote the story - what would she write?

Your daughter sounds crazy, you should not indulge her

Part of the problem is people use grandiose terms these days to describe very ordinary emotions.

I, personally, can understand why the DD doesn't want her baby kissed. But that's what it is: the DF did something she didn't want him to do. None of us like that, he shouldn't have done it, but that is what has happened in good old fashioned speak. Put like that, it's clearly a tantrum for a disrespected wish.

I repeat, that doesn't mean she was wrong to want him not to kiss the baby or ask him not to.

But these days, it isn't a case of "she asked him not to and he did it anyway." It's a "Failure to Respect Parenting Decisions" or "Disrespecting her Boundaries." This terminology gives people like the DD the idea that it is somehow a very grand and formal offence which requires implementation of a Formal Control Strategy. Instead of throwing a tantrum, in her mind she is some kind of psychobabble law enforcement officer.

No the problem is if there’s anything person kissing has a cold sore! The HSV (Herpes Simplex Virus) can KILL babies. Look it up!

Some of these posts are actually so misogynistic it's disgusting.

Nowhere has anything been said to suggest this woman domineers over her husband. Perhaps she's a fab wife and he's lucky to have her. Perhaps he's highly anxious around germs and set a boundary she supports. Perhaps they made a joint decision in light of cold/flu season and op having coldsores going by other threads. Perhaps this is the final straw in a long list of oversteps by op and her husband. Perhaps it's up to the child's parents what boundaries they put in place. Perhaps they'll never need childcare.

Realistically it's highly unlikely that this woman has just cut her parents out for a full month on this one off issue.

"Some new parents seem to forget grandparents brought up them and have years of experience. That’s why society is fucked up. The old values and respecting others has been forgotten." This is not always a bad thing. There are lots of things we do differently now and with good reason... my in laws joke about how they drove home from the hospital with their first with the car seat and baby in the boot of the car. Rice given in bottles to promote weaning. Not all grandparents were good parents and not all grandparents are remotely respectful themselves.

You're right. Far too much time on her hands and far too much reading online.
Perhaps time to plan a few KIT days at work.

How long for then? I mean, would you keep a baby in a bubble until 1, or what? What about parents, are they allowed to kiss their baby? Perhaps they are, but they aren't allowed to touch anyone outside the house, unless they pass through an autoclave at the door. Maybe it would be better all round to keep all familial contact with the baby to Zoom calls or waves through the window?

This country. It's lunatic. The tiny risk a baby might get a bug - RSV is not new, it's always been here - set against being loved by extended family, socialised, getting used to new faces and smells, learning the sounds of the voices of different family members, and enabling normal neural development. It just saddens me so much, the DONT TOUCH MY BAAAAABY thing.

This baby isn't a newborn, it's 6 months old. RSV is a fucking cold FFS. It's extremely unlikely to cause serious illness, even in a baby under the age of 6 months.

100% this is bound to be the tip of the ice berg.

I constantly tell my mum not to kiss my DDs face or hands, top of head I’m not bothered.

She still does it so doesn’t see DD as much as she would like. My baby, my rules. Same for your daughter.

Sounds like use had been asked not to kiss the baby and thought you could walk all over their boundaries and as a result have been given the silent treatment. The fact it’s been a month makes me wonder if this isn’t the first time use have ignored her

Agreed, sorry OP but I wonder if this incident was the straw that broke the camels back, and perhaps you need to be honest with yourself & review whether you need to work to improve your broader relationship with your DD - if you want to maintain it (and with your grandchild).