Daughter not soeaky

[Doglover36]

Granddaughter is 6 months old.. husband kissed her on back of head my daughter has not spoken to us since.. saying that we shouldn't of kissed her child.. anyones thoughts?

If you are a grandparent, I wouldn't get too cocky about that. My MIL said exactly the same thing about me and my husband, not realising that we don't need or want childcare, and if we did, we can easily afford a nanny.

People saying ‘She put a boundary in place and you ignored it’ are missing the point that cutting off family for a month, for an utterly inconsequential mistake over a boundary that doesn’t actually pose any risk to the baby, is an insanely disproportionate response.

If the boundary was ‘Don’t give my child cigarettes’ or ‘Nobody is to leave my baby in the bath unattended’ and the grandparents had ignored it, her response would be proportionate. But if she reacts like this to someone kissing a six month old grandchild on the back of the head, which is something lots of people would just do instinctively and unthinkingly, she has lost the plot. She’s entitled to have boundaries but the correct response would have been ‘Oops, please remember, no kisses please!’ and that should have been the end of it.

Some older people seem to forget that things change and update all the time, otherwise we would all still be driving without seatbelts and putting babies to sleep on their fronts, surrounded by soft toys and crib bumpers as mum and dad kick back and have a smoke.

The OP gets cold sores according to another thread. Perhaps that is also part of the reason her daughter made the boundary she did. Based on dates, the OP had a cold sore when this event happened.

What is your daughter’s relationship like with her father generally?

@Growlybear83
The op has - conveniently - omitted the very pertinent detail that she had a cold sore last month and was holding her daughter's baby. I'd say her daughter is fed up.

How bizarre. I have a small child. I would never think to ask my parents not to kiss their grandchild. If they had a cold, they stay away but kissing your grandchild who is 6 months on the head does not warrant the silent treatment. I can only imagine there is a more to the story or the OP daughter needs to relax a little.

Surely if someone's got a cold sore or RSV they're more likely to transfer the virus from touching baby's hands with their hands or sitting up close face-to-face playing/talking/laughing or coughing/sneezing in the vicinity/over surfaces baby will touch, than they are by kissing the back of baby's head? I'm not a doctor, but I'm thinking it's inhalation of droplets or ingestion that's the risk. Viruses can't be absorbed through the skin can they?!

It's not "utterly inconsequential" to kiss a baby with a cold sore. It is extremely dangerous. And one the baby has been kissed the damage has been done.

So if she asks her parents not kiss the baby and they do it anyway, the only way to definitely keep their lips off the baby is to keep them away from it. Because they clearly can't be trusted. "Oops no kisses please!" Won't remove the herpes virus from a vulnerable infant.

Wait a minute OP. You mention your husband, but then you say:

saying that we shouldn't of kissed her

At a time that you had a cold sore. When you have both been asked not to kiss the baby.

Herpes is transmitted by touch. If you have a cold sore on your face, then kiss someone, you give them herpes.

Wow.

I hope all the "ooh what a nutter your daughter is OP, your daughter should chill and granddaughter needs lots of lovely germs" pick-me posters will at least be aware that a baby most certainly does not need the hepatitis virus!

Children's immune systems mature by around the age of seven - yes, gradual exposure to germs helps it develop, but overloading a baby's very immature immune system is completely counterproductive. Someone recuperating from a very long illness or serious accident or operation starts with gentle walks first, not with a marathon, and it's the same thing with gradual exposure, not a full onslaught on an immune system nowhere near ready. Nobody's immune system benefits from herpes.

Aaaand there we have it

I think it's weird to kiss a baby. Why? What benefit does it have to the baby?

Why do people feel they have to kiss babies? I've not got an issue with germs. I just cannot understand why adults need to put their spit on a baby.

But surely only if you kiss their face?

https://www.gloshospitals.nhs.uk/our-services/services-we-offer/maternity/after-your-baby-is-born/keeping-your-baby-safe-think-hands-and-no-kisses-thanks/

It’s recommend by the NHS and lullaby trust nowadays. Young babies are still developing an immune system. Some germs from touching the floor might be beneficial to older babies but some colds that are mild in adults can be very dangerous for young babies. It’s not a case of a serious infection boosting their immune system.

When my DM died in her 60s a childhood illness was put as a contributory factor in the death certificate. (Just illustrating how scaring from respiratory infection can have a lifelong effect)

Yes I saw that. The OP’s husband kissed the baby on the back of the head - even if he had an active cold sore I still don’t see the problem. But even if the daughter is as obsessive about germs as she sounds, to not speak to her parents for this long is just beyond ridiculous.

Jesus wept, I wouldnt let anyone with a Coldsore kiss ME never mind a baby.
Come on ffs, thats rediculous OP and you know it.
How you arent pleading for forgiveness is beyond me.

HSV, not hepatitis. Although your point about hepatitis still stands...

It sounds as though there is some anxiety at play here ? Was the baby poorly or premature at birth ?
I presume she isn't taking the baby out of the home if she is worried about RSV , no trips to baby classes or supermarkets or on public transport ?
You could easily solve this by getting Grandad to apologise for overstepping her boundaries.

Yes well the OP has slipped up a bit here, by telling the truth by accident:

saying that we shouldn't of kissed her child..

Because it is part of bonding. I loved kissing my babies and my mum was my right hand women when I had mine so wouldn’t have thought about stopping her kissing my babies . I honestly couldn’t have done without her given my babies were awful!

but, that said cold sores are different and we would have been very careful of someone had those. My grandmother was kissed as a baby by someone with one and suffered her whole life. That is a very pertinent detail and would expect anyone with the active virus to be very careful.

That attitude always really concerns me. Could be used to justify all kinds of concerning and potentially even abusive behaviour.

Parents aren't omniscient gods and they don't own their children. Nobody owns anybody else.

You and your husband are being disgustingly selfish knowingly kissing a 6 month old ehen you've got herpes.

I doubt she will get back in contact, I wouldn't blame her.

Putting aside the asking you not to thing (which I think is OTT by the way) - she needs to grow up and actually have a conversation with you.

The silent treatment is for emotionally immature people - good luck to her dealing with teaching her child how to deal with emotions!!