Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

[AutumnSquashSoup]

honestly I’m shaking writing this I just don’t even know anymore 😭
so DP’s lad (14) was here last night and started kicking off cos I told him it was time to come off xbox for tea, next thing controller’s flying across the room and bang straight into the telly 😩 screen’s got this massive crack now all lines down it

DP comes home from work and instead of telling him off he starts having a go at ME saying I “wind the lad up” and “don’t know how to talk to teenagers” like sorry for trying to feed everyone?? I was literally making spag bol with baby on my hip and eldest climbing on the sofa again

now he’s stormed off in the van saying he’s not paying for another telly cos “it’s always drama in this house” well yeah maybe if you actually parented your kid for once 🙄

I don’t even know what to do anymore can’t afford a new one and kids are crying cos they can’t watch bluey
I’ve honestly tried with that boy but he just glares at me and calls me names under his breath

AIBU to think DP should pay for the telly and actually tell his son off properly for once??
not asking for judgement just advice pls

Contact Women's Aid , they will help. It's the tv this time, next time it could be you or one of the little ones.
You need to want to love and protect your children more than you want a relationship with this man.
He will not change and this will be your life forever. Is that what you want for your children. I repeat HE WILL NOT CHANGE. Please love your children enough to protect them.

Well you haven’t answered the question everyone has asked about who owns the house, or whose name is on the tenancy contract, @AutumnSquashSoup - so there isn’t really much more anyone can say …

Try and claim the TV on your contents insurance, my son as a toddler ran up to our rear projection TV and slammed his hands into it and the screen completely caved in (it was a soft screen like a cinema screen for those who don't remember rear projection TVs) and we got our TV replaced on insurance

Stop texting him. That's feeding into this ayis just what he wants.

You haven't answered the question about your housing situation. Do you own or rent? Whose name is on the deeds or tenancy? If it is your house or you alone are the tenant then you don't have to let these two tosspots back in and could get the locks changed. If it is jointly owned or tenanted then that does get more tricky and you could need the help of something like Women's Aid.

I'm sorry OP, but I don't think this relationship is salvageable. You and your partner aren't a team and you and your young kids deserve much better than this home full of aggro where you're walking on eggshells. I agree with PPs that you should ditch your partner and the 14-year-old and start again. It might be tough at first, but it will be worth it to be able bring your kids up in a peaceful home.

Your partner is training his son to attack you @AutumnSquashSoup

Honestly just leave him, OP. Life is too short to have to deal with all of this stress and hassle.

Can you get a new tv on Klarna. I agree your DP should be paying for it, but if he won't?

Obvious advice would be to sell the Xbox to put the money towards a new TV.

My thoughts exactly, and ditch the partner as well.

They both need to learn that actions have consequences.

This is a terrible state of affairs. Your partner is very wrong, OP. If it is not possible to leave right away, start making plans. Do you work?

This dreadful man is a very bad and very dangerous role model to his children, he will turn all of them against you and use them as weapons with which to attack you.
He's teaching his son that he can attack and damage your possessions with no consequences. The next stage will be letting him attack and damage you and face no consequences.

Who owns the house ? Are you working ? Could you support yourself elsewhere ?

Since you aren’t married it’s vital to work out what your financial position would be if you leave him.

He just doesn’t give a fuck about you, love. He’s probably shagging somebody else as well. He’s so detached from you.

X box confiscated until the tv is fixed or replaced. In future xbox in room only, if he doesn't turn up for tea no tea.

Does your DP realise the controller could have hit you, the baby or other child and violent outbursts like that are likely to get worse unless nipped in the bud. It's not about not understanding lads, it's about a bit of respect in your house from the PS and your DP. Teaching boys they don't have to respect women is a bad pathway.

Obviously ditch the partner but also don't bother replacing the telly - it will reap rewards for your kids in the future!

"... I couldn’t of done another night of him slamming doors and swearing at me".

So this isn't the first time he's been abusive.

He has to go, OP, he's not going to change. Do you really want your kids to grow up thinking this kind of behaviour is acceptable?

Ditto.

This looks really bad, I’m so sorry. My fear is that there is no way of you preventing this man, their father, from damaging the children you share in the same way he is damaging your stepson. He thinks male violence is normal and natural and it’s a woman’s role to forestall it and failing that, to put up with it.

Your update suggests pps were correct in thinking you are already in an abusive relationship.

Have you got family or friends you could move in with until you can arrange accommodation? Whose is the house and if rented, in whose name(s)?

I do think you will need to leave which I know sounds exhausting and it will be hideous, however within months you will look back and know you made the right decision for you and for your children.

The tv is a bit of a red herring, this is clearly an abusive relationship and goes deeper than a broken telly.

I would say that boy isn’t welcome in my house anymore, totally unacceptable

@AutumnSquashSoup I have two (now adult) sons, so I think I "get lads". The eldest had some anger issues as he reached his teen years; he shouted and slammed doors, but never once did he cause damage to property. He knew better, because he knew the boundaries.

Your 'D'P is failing his son, he is failing you, and he will fail your 2 DC. I think you know the answer to what you should do, but I know it's never that easy. Let him sulk in the van, stop texting him and make the most of the peace and quiet.

Good luck 💐

They both sound abusive and rather misogynistic. You don’t want that influence (from either of them) around your young children. Please leave him.

You MUST leave this horror of a man and his awful son as soon as you possible can. This is so damaging to your poor children to live this and watch their mother being treated like shit. Stop texting him, that implies you think he’s some kind of prize. He’s not. He’s an absolutely useless partner and father.

you have probably had someone uptgread saying it’s your fault for not spotting the provable clear signs that he was useless. But the ability to spot those signs come from your upbringing. Save your own children from thinking his awful behaviour is normal ‘for men’ like you did.

It literally doesn't matter how you talk to a teenager, their reaction to it should never be to throw something at something else. Ever. This lad needs to learn to control his emotions and not let them out directed at women.