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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

391 replies

AutumnSquashSoup · 08/10/2025 12:35

honestly I’m shaking writing this I just don’t even know anymore 😭
so DP’s lad (14) was here last night and started kicking off cos I told him it was time to come off xbox for tea, next thing controller’s flying across the room and bang straight into the telly 😩 screen’s got this massive crack now all lines down it

DP comes home from work and instead of telling him off he starts having a go at ME saying I “wind the lad up” and “don’t know how to talk to teenagers” like sorry for trying to feed everyone?? I was literally making spag bol with baby on my hip and eldest climbing on the sofa again

now he’s stormed off in the van saying he’s not paying for another telly cos “it’s always drama in this house” well yeah maybe if you actually parented your kid for once 🙄

I don’t even know what to do anymore can’t afford a new one and kids are crying cos they can’t watch bluey
I’ve honestly tried with that boy but he just glares at me and calls me names under his breath

AIBU to think DP should pay for the telly and actually tell his son off properly for once??
not asking for judgement just advice pls

OP posts:
GasPanic · 08/10/2025 13:59

Just go TV less.

Most of the stuff on there will rot the brain anyway.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 08/10/2025 13:59

sundaychairtree · 08/10/2025 13:47

I am not condoning the ss or dp bit i feel like there must be a back story. For a start, he didnt mean to break the tv and it sounds az tbough he eas acting oit of extreme frustration. Are you giving him plenty of warning before he has to come off? If you are playing some collaborative xbox games and a player just walks off in the middle of a game, it is extemely ride and stuffs it up for everyone else, and he will probably get a lot of verbal abuse for it.
It must be difficult for him at home with 2 much littler children who he is not a full sibling of, he will feel like the odd one out.
Cant he have the xbox in his room so he has a private place to escape to? Yoir dh isnt necessarily a dick. He just feels sorry for his boy. He is from a broken home. Your kids aren't

He’s 14 not 6. And even if my six year old did that, it would be the last time they ever played that game.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/10/2025 13:59

Walking on eggshells

thats the phrase that stuck out

if dp won’t change or parent his 14yr then he doesn’t stay. Simple

is the house yours ? Rented ? Owned together

do you work ? On ml ? How is money shared

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 08/10/2025 14:00

I have daughters so.no issue. However i do just take my 15 year old her tea upstairs. Pick ya battles.
I wouldnt want this teen in the house with this behaviour and tbh why are you parenting his child

SpaceRaccoon · 08/10/2025 14:00

You need to break up with this horrible man. He's a shit partner and a shit husband. Plus you'll then never have to suffer his ghastly son again.

Londonmummy66 · 08/10/2025 14:01

OK - so you say you don't know what to do. Short term. GO out this afternoon and sell the Xbox and buy a TV. Tell your not so DP that you tried to get hold of him to discuss but that he's ignored your messages so you had to take the decision for yourself. Then both of them know actions have consequences....

When he does get home tell your DP very clearly that his son's behaviour is not normal and that he needs to sort him out with anger management classes now before it becomes the norm and he ends up potentially in serious trouble because as an 18 year old who's a bit drunk he lashes out at a stranger. Also tell your DP that his son is now a risk to your two smaller children and that he can only be in the house when he is there - he cannot be alone with you and/or your DC at any time. If he doesn't accept this then I think you should get in touch with SS/childline/101 to report that DSS is a risk to your children. YOu don't want the older of your children relating this at nursery and SS asking why you didn't raise the risk yourself.

PickAChew · 08/10/2025 14:01

You would feel a lot more sane and grounded without this abusive wanker in your life. Like father, like son, I'm afraid.

Juniperberry55 · 08/10/2025 14:01

Tessasanderson · 08/10/2025 13:20

Selling the xbox should cover replacing the tv with a cheap new or used model

This. He needs to learn the consequences to his actions. If your DP isn't willing to back you up and is blaming you, he's not going to be a good influence on your children either.
It's not easy to leave him especially as he is the father to your children but his and your step sons attitudes and actions are disgusting. It'll will be worth the trouble of being a single parent to get away from them

Crochetandtea · 08/10/2025 14:02

What are you going to do about it ?

fireandlightening · 08/10/2025 14:03

Why are you texting him?? Anything he does in this situation is only going to put a band aid on a gaping wound. You may think you can't do anything about this situation because you have two kids with this man, but I think you know you have to. It will do less damage to you and your children long term if you get them away from him and his son.

PandoraSocks · 08/10/2025 14:04

AutumnSquashSoup · 08/10/2025 13:17

thanks everyone I’m honestly sat here crying reading all this I feel so stupid 😭
yeah he’s the dad to both my kids the baby and my eldest so it’s not that simple to just tell him to get out even though I know you’re all right
he took his son with him in the van last night thank god cos I couldn’t of done another night of him slamming doors and swearing at me

I’ve told DP before he needs to actually parent him but he just shrugs and says I “don’t get lads” like sorry but breaking a telly isn’t normal behaviour is it
I’m not even that bothered about the telly it’s just the way he made it my fault like he actually said “if you didn’t go on at him this wouldn’t of happened” I just stood there with baby screaming thinking what’s the point anymore

I’ve tried to keep the peace but it’s like walking on eggshells all the time either he’s sulking or his son’s kicking off or both
I just wanted a normal tea time honestly

don’t even know what to do next he’s not answered my texts all day and I can’t stop shaking
feel like I’m losing my mind lately honestly don’t even know anymore

feel like I’m losing my mind lately honestly don’t even know anymore

That is very probably because you are being abused. Abusers are very good at making their victims feel like they don't know which way is up.

mansprichtdeutsch · 08/10/2025 14:09

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 08/10/2025 14:00

I have daughters so.no issue. However i do just take my 15 year old her tea upstairs. Pick ya battles.
I wouldnt want this teen in the house with this behaviour and tbh why are you parenting his child

Quite a lot to unpick in this.

Crochetandtea · 08/10/2025 14:09

This is what I would do for the time being. Take the tv to the dump. They will both want a tv before you do!
Box up the x box and games and give it to someone to look after.
Let your boyfriend initiate a conversation about what will happen moving forward before you decide what to do for the future.
Leave the house for the evening with your children and go to a friend’s for dinner. You need time away from this shit show.

Bundleflower · 08/10/2025 14:11

Time for you to protect your kids from growing up like their violent thug of a brother under the watch of their useless excuse for a Dad.
I couldn’t live like this. You’re being victim blamed.

freakingscared · 08/10/2025 14:12

Kick your partner out and your step son in one go !
The reason I by you SS is that way is because if his dad , he has no respect for you so obviously the kid won’t either . Do yourself a favor and tell him to leave

N27 · 08/10/2025 14:12

Ditch the Knobhead and the Knobhead in Training

sillygoof · 08/10/2025 14:12

Have things like this happened before?

PunnyLilacKoala · 08/10/2025 14:13

I feel moving on without the TV won't be bad idea though, let's avoid the brain rot

Tiatha · 08/10/2025 14:15

Yeah OP's genius DP, of course teens (boys or girls) are sweetness and light in the short term if they get everything they want, but it's not good for them and it's not actually parenting.

Can't believe this tosser is trying to put this behaviour on you. Good job he knows better about parenting boys, cos he's going to be there whenever his son is from now on and you won't have to look after him, right? Since you're apparently so bad at it.

Tiatha · 08/10/2025 14:15

PunnyLilacKoala · 08/10/2025 14:13

I feel moving on without the TV won't be bad idea though, let's avoid the brain rot

Not necessary, not relevant, and not your business. A bit of Bluey now and then never hurt anyone.

Bundleflower · 08/10/2025 14:15

PunnyLilacKoala · 08/10/2025 14:13

I feel moving on without the TV won't be bad idea though, let's avoid the brain rot

I’m not certain that group punishment is the way forward here. Putting the Xbox in the dishwasher for a deep clean however…

Francestein · 08/10/2025 14:16

So wait… you were looking after his kid while he was off somewhere and the kid damaged your property and he won’t replace it? Cocklodger.

IWantedThereThereButItsGone · 08/10/2025 14:17

sillygoof · 08/10/2025 14:12

Have things like this happened before?

Read the thread title, @sillygoof …

ACynicalDad · 08/10/2025 14:17

What do you see in him? Get rid of him.

summitfever · 08/10/2025 14:17

Your partners actions are abuse op you do realise this? And it’s abuse towards your smaller children who are already damaged by this and will be further the longer it goes on. Your babies will follow directly on the same way their brother is going, I’m sure that’s not what you want for them. Being a single mum is hard but so is why you’re doing now. You’d be no worse off believe me.

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