Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

[AutumnSquashSoup]

honestly I’m shaking writing this I just don’t even know anymore 😭
so DP’s lad (14) was here last night and started kicking off cos I told him it was time to come off xbox for tea, next thing controller’s flying across the room and bang straight into the telly 😩 screen’s got this massive crack now all lines down it

DP comes home from work and instead of telling him off he starts having a go at ME saying I “wind the lad up” and “don’t know how to talk to teenagers” like sorry for trying to feed everyone?? I was literally making spag bol with baby on my hip and eldest climbing on the sofa again

now he’s stormed off in the van saying he’s not paying for another telly cos “it’s always drama in this house” well yeah maybe if you actually parented your kid for once 🙄

I don’t even know what to do anymore can’t afford a new one and kids are crying cos they can’t watch bluey
I’ve honestly tried with that boy but he just glares at me and calls me names under his breath

AIBU to think DP should pay for the telly and actually tell his son off properly for once??
not asking for judgement just advice pls

My ex told me I’d never cope without him, & you know what, I’ve coped just fine, if not better on my own. My kids were 8 & 6. He gave me no financial support. Wages were topped up by what was then Tax Credits. You will be amazed at how strong you can be 💞

I agree.
Please take advice on HOW to get him out safely.
Like Women's Aid...
so that you can do this in a way that is less frightening for you and your children.

Provoking him sounds dangerous frankly.

I hope you manage to get some help and support to find a way to improve your situation OP x

The boy's father has shown you exactly where you stand in his list of priorities.

Kick them both out. Teach them both that you're not going g to allow losers to walk all over you.

At the very least, do not accept the older boy over to your home without his father present and parenting him.
Long term, work out a way to split up.

Definitely this, at the very least

“It’s not easy to leave when you have nowhere to go.”

You said it’s a council house in your name, you don’t need to go anywhere?

Put your children first and end this pathetic teenager on and off again relationship. Your children should not think that having someone angry who shouts all the time is normal in a household.

Omg, ditch this loser!

You might find that your are financially better off when you don't have two extra children in the house, one of which looks like an adult.

The house is in your name. You don't have to go anywhere. You will manage better than you could imagine. It will be an adjustment, but you'll be happier without this, believe me.

So he moved in on you and quickly got you pregnant, then did it again. Might his moving in have been quite soon after he split up with his ex?

It's your house if you're on the rental. You're in charge.

Not being tied to a mortgage, especially joint, is good.

A smaller cheaper place for you and the little ones is possible - you could make enquiries there.

Find out what his duty would be re child maintenance.

Find out your rights re benefits.

Do not believe him for a second of he tries to tell you you would not cope without him, or that he will not support his children.

Get a free consultation with a local solicitor / citizens advice to find out your rights.

These men are a danger to you and your children - even if not physically, the psychological harm they're causing will be serious.

Nailed it

In my experience he has no intention of parenting his son because he wants to be ‘the best parent’ who has no rules
I can almost guarantee if he had been there the son would be eating spag bol, delivered to him, whilst playing xbox
i live this experience, luckily we have no joint children and mine are grown up.
That means I can disengage, spent too much energy trying to change it, I’ve learnt to step away. You don’t have that choice.

Don’t have him back - you are worth so much more. Change the locks. They can have the XBox back when they’ve replaced the TV.

And mine. Tell them to leave,

I mean, this sounds like people don't have agency.

Having a baby with someone who has said they are "done" about 50 times, does that not raise any eyebrows ?

Still I guess there is no time like the present to start thinking clearly ...

If he is saying you can't manage without him and blaming you for the violent acts of his son who he can't be bothered to parent, then he is an abuser. You will manage without him, and much better than you do with this loser. The tenancy sounds to be in your name so your home is safe. You will be eligible for benefits because you have two small children and you can train for a job so that you can support yourself. Chuck both nuisances out - life's too short to put up with an antsy teenager who thinks the response to a request to sit down for supper is to smash the TV, and a partner who thinks that's an appropriate response to a woman making such a request.

TBH it sounds like you need some real life help. Speak to someone like womans aid.

You can get him to leave - you can manage on your own. You would get benefits to help you manage. Life sounds like it would be calmer - you don't need all this shouting and arguing. That alone can drive you nuts.

Don't believe him when he says you wouldn't manage without him - he is making you believe you are hopeless and need him. Fuck him.

He is verbally abusing you in front of your dc. If he is not on the tenancy he can leave. Womens Aid can advise you on next steps.

Tbh I feel a bit sorry for your ss. He moved in on you while he was still young then supplanted him with more children. It is no wonder he is short-fused and attention seeking, as that is what is being modelled by his father. Your dc deserve better. Sell the xbox to fund a cheap tv.