Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

[AutumnSquashSoup]

honestly I’m shaking writing this I just don’t even know anymore 😭
so DP’s lad (14) was here last night and started kicking off cos I told him it was time to come off xbox for tea, next thing controller’s flying across the room and bang straight into the telly 😩 screen’s got this massive crack now all lines down it

DP comes home from work and instead of telling him off he starts having a go at ME saying I “wind the lad up” and “don’t know how to talk to teenagers” like sorry for trying to feed everyone?? I was literally making spag bol with baby on my hip and eldest climbing on the sofa again

now he’s stormed off in the van saying he’s not paying for another telly cos “it’s always drama in this house” well yeah maybe if you actually parented your kid for once 🙄

I don’t even know what to do anymore can’t afford a new one and kids are crying cos they can’t watch bluey
I’ve honestly tried with that boy but he just glares at me and calls me names under his breath

AIBU to think DP should pay for the telly and actually tell his son off properly for once??
not asking for judgement just advice pls

You are being unreasonable for continuing to inflict these two men on yourself and your children

Dump this arsewipe. Get him and his son out of your lives.

He's flounced off in the van for now, and I personally would be trying not to let him back in when he does come crawling back. You probably will though.

Dump them both.

Next time it could be you or one of the little kids who takes the hit.

i agree with pretty much every pp: the problem is your “partner”. He’s not a partner, he’s a bully, a coward, avoidant and abusive. Your children will grow up like your stepson- violent and abusive in their turn; or like you- abused and cowed. If you don’t want this to be their model for relationships, please do all you can to leave him as soon as possible.

In the meantime , let the telly stand as it is, as a monument and reminder to this violent pair.

Either get a new partner or a new telly, or both.

Time for them both to leave.

You are not the problem. He is.

Obvious advice would be to sell the Xbox to put the money towards a new TV.

No more Xbox is the consequence of the child’s actions.

But yes, your P should be disciplining his child and no, it’s not your fault.

Get rid. Your children are watching this behaviour and learning.

That was my immediate thought. Given that this has happened before and yet here the op is yet again, subjecting her own children to an abusive household, suggests she has no intention of getting her children out of there. Give it a few years and she’ll be with the other parents on here who wouldn’t listen to advice, wondering why all her children are hitting and spitting on and swearing at her and they won’t listen.

Ditch them both

We need a lot more information with regards to this situation to help you unpack it if that’s what you want but I suspect you just want to rant
And that’s okay too
But I would be making a long-term plan to get out of there personally

Who owns the house? If it's your property, don't allow the boyfriend to return.

This doesn't seem like a viable, life-enhancing relationship.

You can do better.

Jesus wept - I'm so sorry you are having to put up with this. He sounds like an absolute nightmare.

What concerns me is the fact he is only 14 years old. Also, the way his dad reacted about the incident just shows where the lad gets his behaviour from.

Your partner and / or his son should pay for the broken television.

I would also seriously consider chucking the pair of them out of your home for good. This sort of behaviour will only get worse, and you have yourself and your children to think of.

Sending you <<hugs>>

DP out, and takes his son with him.

This is absolutely no environment for a young baby or you . Genuinely and sincerely, you need to start looking at ways to leave .

I can’t believe you even need to ask what you should do here.

thanks everyone I’m honestly sat here crying reading all this I feel so stupid 😭
yeah he’s the dad to both my kids the baby and my eldest so it’s not that simple to just tell him to get out even though I know you’re all right
he took his son with him in the van last night thank god cos I couldn’t of done another night of him slamming doors and swearing at me

I’ve told DP before he needs to actually parent him but he just shrugs and says I “don’t get lads” like sorry but breaking a telly isn’t normal behaviour is it
I’m not even that bothered about the telly it’s just the way he made it my fault like he actually said “if you didn’t go on at him this wouldn’t of happened” I just stood there with baby screaming thinking what’s the point anymore

I’ve tried to keep the peace but it’s like walking on eggshells all the time either he’s sulking or his son’s kicking off or both
I just wanted a normal tea time honestly

don’t even know what to do next he’s not answered my texts all day and I can’t stop shaking
feel like I’m losing my mind lately honestly don’t even know anymore

What?
How did you even end up with these losers?
Get rid of them!

Bottom line, this situation is NEVER going to improve. Do not for a second think if you can get through this things will improve.

Its a black and white decision. Do you want to put up with this and worse or do you make a decision to change it.

How do you stand with who owns the house etc?

What is your situation with regards to housing and income @AutumnSquashSoup

I think posters can better advise you if they know your setup.

You have to make a plan and get rid of this dreadful man.

I'm going to be another one who says leave your partner.

Why would he blame you for what his son does? What he is doing is undermining your authority in the house. I wouldn't be putting up with that under any circumstances.

You don't get lads? tell him to give his head a wobble.

Selling the xbox should cover replacing the tv with a cheap new or used model