Partner’s son smashed telly again and DP says it’s my fault???

[AutumnSquashSoup]

honestly I’m shaking writing this I just don’t even know anymore 😭
so DP’s lad (14) was here last night and started kicking off cos I told him it was time to come off xbox for tea, next thing controller’s flying across the room and bang straight into the telly 😩 screen’s got this massive crack now all lines down it

DP comes home from work and instead of telling him off he starts having a go at ME saying I “wind the lad up” and “don’t know how to talk to teenagers” like sorry for trying to feed everyone?? I was literally making spag bol with baby on my hip and eldest climbing on the sofa again

now he’s stormed off in the van saying he’s not paying for another telly cos “it’s always drama in this house” well yeah maybe if you actually parented your kid for once 🙄

I don’t even know what to do anymore can’t afford a new one and kids are crying cos they can’t watch bluey
I’ve honestly tried with that boy but he just glares at me and calls me names under his breath

AIBU to think DP should pay for the telly and actually tell his son off properly for once??
not asking for judgement just advice pls

That’s not standard teen behaviour that is just downright violent, and I certainly wouldn’t be having someone like that in a house around my kids!

Hes raising his boy to think being violent in a home with woman and kids is OK.

Its far from ok and your twat of a partner blaming you for it shows exactly where he leanrs it from.

You don't need to leave him..you need to make him leave you.

Get him out of your house before it escalates. Soon the boy will start punching you and arsehole will blame you for that too.

All I will say is - imagine if it hit your 17 month old's face instead of the TV.

You must protect your children and get rid of both.

Wait... what? The council house is in your name! So, it's simple! You tell him to leave. He has no legal right to be there. Please stop making excuses! Tell him today to leave. He (and his son) is a risk to your children.

And if he won't leave, get some support from a brother or father, and tell him you'll call the police if he doesn't go.

You don't need to go anywhere OP, its your house. You might be on your own with 2 children, but so what? Plenty of women manage - he tells you that to keep you from walking away but the truth is, he is the one who won't manage without you. He's the one that will have to house, feed, and parent his son. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that I bet that your eldest child is already acting up/acting out/showing signs of aggression and temper? Don't wait until your son is smashing up the place, being abusive towards you, because he's learning from his dad and stepbrother, before you do something about this. Your children deserve better, even if you think that you don't?

Step son is either violent or has an addiction problem as a reaction like this to be told to switch off the device is completely uncalled for. So let your kids watch Bluey on your phone or tablet. TV is broke, so DP can't watch TV either. Throw the Nintendo out. Make sure stepson understands your house your rules. And start giving this spoiled child chores. At 14 he needs to work for his keep. And if he has a phone, switch the Wifi off until all the chores are done. Things will need to change. Esp with his fathers reaction to you, this lad will learn

it is YOUR house - you tell HIM to leave!!

get signed onto universal credit even temporarily and get rid of them both

You make it sound so straight forward.
2 kids together, combined home and finances etc
Teenager throws tantrum (not intending to break TV)
This needs to be worked through, not ended, for all concerned

If it were my house the xbox would be gone and no similar games allowed.

Violence is unacceptable and there needs to be a consequence.

Jeez it just gets worse, why the heck are you behind on the electric? Why isn't he helping financially? Do the council know he lives there?

The world would be in even bigger trouble if we all ducked out and onto UC when things are rocky

You need to break the cycle. If you don't kick him and his lad out then your kids are going to grow up to be the same. And then their kids will be the same and over and over. Show your kids that you do not treat people this way. Be the role model you should be. Its your house, you'll manage, you'll find a way because you are stronger than you realise.

Oh OP its your house, you can 100% kick him out and claim UC as a single parent which will hopefully help with the bills. Please contact some resources like womens aid who can hopefully sign post you into getting the help you need if he completely refuses to pay for anything. Apply for child maintenance immediately. You can do this, life will be so much easier without two abusive males in your life (although I have a little sympathy for the teenage lad who has been totally failed by his father). Xx

Life isn't worth walking on eggshells and your little ones don't deserve to be brought up in a house of arguments and smashed tv's. Make your babies feel safe and secure. Sending strength. Xx

I think living with an abusive partner is more than just a 'bit rocky'

I feel sorry for everyone in this situation apart from your partner. The snapshot you’ve shared suggests his son has been very badly parented, and tbh, with your partner’s attitude you’re not going to be able to be a good influence on him. Your children, unless you kick him out, will grow up to think that this is a normal relationship, ‘boys will be boys’, and how women should be treated. And you OP, will be miserable and spend your time walking on eggshells.

it’s no way to live, it’s really not. You are the one with the tenancy, look at what options you have to support yourself (whether it’s UC/benefits for now, work opportunities in the future) and show him the door. You feel trapped but you’re not. It might not be easy, but do it for yourself and your children.

The kid needs professional help, you are not a professional.

You need to keep your kids and yourself safe, a 14 year old boy is only going to get more physcially stronger. Yes he has been let down by his parents, but you do not have the skills to manage that.

It will be hard to leave, but it will be dangerous to stay.

You can do this.

Don't you want a better life than this for your children and yourself? Imagine being a child growing up in a house like this. How awful for them.

This

This poor teenager. Poor role models in OP and partner, unstable home life and now he’s acting out and unhappy - kick him out. Whose fault is it that he’s the way he is? The people who raised him need to look in the mirror. They’ve made him what he is! Perhaps if he’d had good examples and a stable foundation to begin with, he wouldn’t be in this situation. But now he is, through no fault of his own, he’s going to be punished for it.

These selfish adults putting their own immature, selfish desires above the needs of the children they’ve created make me sick. You made them - you don’t get to kick them out once they’re reacting badly to the lousy upbringing you’ve inflicted on them.

Spoiler alert.....

Praying never changed a damn thing.

A violent man sized person in the house with no self control and no one disciplining him isnt something that can be "worked through". He needs to removed from the home at least until such time as he is no longer a danger to its occupants.

Precisely. Race to the bottom accelerates.

Ladies, use commonsense and open your eyes. It is 2025, you can have a fling with the bad guy but you don't have to have children with him.

@AutumnSquashSoup

"If you hadn't done..... he wouldnt have reacted with violence" is how you end up with a man standing over a beaten and bleeding woman shouting "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!!"

Your "D"P is teaching his son that nothing is his fault. What you have in your home right now is a domestic abuser in training. And it sounds like he has almost completed his apprenticeship.

And you are in a relationship with his teacher.

Think about that.

Well, the apple certainly doesn’t fall far from the tree. At 14 the kid can go and hell would freeze over if a snotty 14 year old was treating me like shit in my own home. Chuck your useless partner out with the snotty brat!

This!!!
those poor children. What a horrible life