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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

1000 replies

Yournw · 07/10/2025 23:14

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 07/10/2025 23:16

Does DD not have any other friend or relative she could invite over for that one evening? That's what I'd encourage her to do.

Dazzlemered · 07/10/2025 23:16

Wow.

She may be in her 30’s but clearly she needs the support of her parents.

Needmorelego · 07/10/2025 23:17

Personally I would try to change the theatre tickets or sell them to someone else.
Or he goes by himself.

FuzzyWolf · 07/10/2025 23:17

I would tell her that you will leave the theatre if she shows signs of going into labour.

SpackelFrog · 07/10/2025 23:17

She can phone you if she goes into labour

2chocolateoranges · 07/10/2025 23:18

Go to the theatre, keep your phones on you just in case. Enjoy your day.

your dd is an adult and will cope for the day on her own, she can contact you if need be. Does she not have a friend she can arrange to do something with for the day?

Octavia64 · 07/10/2025 23:18

She is in her thirties but a woman in labour cannot really look after herself.

taxis often won’t take you. Public transport isn’t always really an option either.

if she goes into a fast labour (admittedly not likely with a first baby) and there are problems with the baby it could be am ambulance job.

i’d give the tickets to friends and stay nearby.

Dazzlemered · 07/10/2025 23:18

Also I hope she never sees this post.

Unfortunately pregnant, what a horrible thing to say!

pumpkinpieinmyeye · 07/10/2025 23:19

If your told her you will take her to hospital, you should cancel. Also she must be almost 38 weeks from the dates you've given.
I feel sorry for your daughter and can see why she's upset.
I hope you change your view on your grandchild once they are here. "Unfortunately pregnant" is just horrible, presumably you've not just found out?

Mmmkaay · 07/10/2025 23:19

She's your daughter and she's on her own. Why is your DH being so stubborn about it? Unless she has form for being controlling?

ExposedCankles · 07/10/2025 23:19

I think an hour away is reasonable but it’s hard to think after reading the sentence “DD is unfortunately pregnant.”

LuLuLemonDrizzleCake · 07/10/2025 23:19

While she is clearly anxious and perhaps vulnerable, she needs to learn that you can't just drop everything "just in case ". She needs counselling to help build her resilience and confidence.

CuckooPond · 07/10/2025 23:20

Reassure her that it’s vanishingly unlikely she will go into labour in the four or five hours you’re away. At 36 weeks I was still working overseas, and only went on maternity leave then because the aiRhine I commuted on woukd no longer fly me. I didn’t finally give birth until 42 weeks snd a day.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 07/10/2025 23:21

It sounds like your dd is feeling alone, scared and vulnerable.

I honestly can't imagine prioritising a theatre trip in those circumstances. If my dd needed me, I would be there.

Your H sounds like a bit of a git. Is he dd's father?

Rachie1973 · 07/10/2025 23:21

I’d still go to the theatre. Just have my phone on silent and check it periodically.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 07/10/2025 23:22

Rachie1973 · 07/10/2025 23:21

I’d still go to the theatre. Just have my phone on silent and check it periodically.

Problem with this is that if she is anxious and very close to due date, she might talk herself into being convinced she's in labour and call them back unnecessarily.

Namerequired · 07/10/2025 23:22

She’s only 36weeks with her 1st baby. I thought you were going to the theatre while she was having the c section! You are only an hour away, I think it’s pretty safe to go.
I think most people will say you’re unreasonable because of the unfortunately pregnant. Ouch!

Keroppi · 07/10/2025 23:23

At 36 weeks for her first it's very unlikely she will go into labour (usually)
First signs will be pains and twinges anyway (usually) so she can message you if she has anything like that or Braxton hicks. An hour or two to get to her is not that bad

MidnightPatrol · 07/10/2025 23:23

Why is the c-section scheduled so early?

It’s statistically quite unlikely she will go into labour at 36/37 weeks…?

Agree ‘unfortunately’ being the third word was… ouch.

Pezdeoro41 · 07/10/2025 23:23

I was also alone when having my baby and my brother was on standby in the weeks leading up to my section, the baby could easily come early (mine did) and even first births can move very quickly sometimes. She must be really scared about what she would do in that situation, if the plan is for you to be with her at the birth (are you her birthing partner?) then I think you are being a bit unreasonable - this is your daughter and grandchild and it is just the theatre. And she's been going through a really tough time, now facing what she didn't think she was going to be doing alone. Unless there is someone else close who can help if needed I would rearrange.

IPM · 07/10/2025 23:23

Dazzlemered · 07/10/2025 23:18

Also I hope she never sees this post.

Unfortunately pregnant, what a horrible thing to say!

Let's just add the rest of what the OP said to put it into context 🙄

"unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner."

JustJani · 07/10/2025 23:24

I think the problem is your DH is thinking practically - on that level he's right, she should be able to manage for an hour or two, even if she does go into labour.

But for your daughter it's not really about the practicalities is it, she's obviously in a vulnerable emotional state, coming to terms with a life she wasn't planning on and in need of reassurance that you're there for her through the tough times (and to be fair, you don't sound unequivocal on that point). So whilst I don't think your husband is wrong or unreasonable, on that basis I'd rearrange the tickets.

Original poster
Yournw · 07/10/2025 23:24

Yes we’ve said we’ll check our phones and leave if needed. She is saying she will have to book a hotel near the hospital for that night if we don’t cancel.

OP posts:
Ghostellas · 07/10/2025 23:24

I think most pregnant women would be okay with this but she’s particularly vulnerable with no partner to support her so should something happen she’ll be all by herself. You don’t sound excited about the new arrival in the least not particularly sympathetic.

I’d postpone or give the tickets away , or take your daughter and leave your inconsiderate dh at home

Pezdeoro41 · 07/10/2025 23:25

Pezdeoro41 · 07/10/2025 23:23

I was also alone when having my baby and my brother was on standby in the weeks leading up to my section, the baby could easily come early (mine did) and even first births can move very quickly sometimes. She must be really scared about what she would do in that situation, if the plan is for you to be with her at the birth (are you her birthing partner?) then I think you are being a bit unreasonable - this is your daughter and grandchild and it is just the theatre. And she's been going through a really tough time, now facing what she didn't think she was going to be doing alone. Unless there is someone else close who can help if needed I would rearrange.

I gave birth at exactly 37 weeks, that is officially full term.

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