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Original poster

To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

1000 replies

Yournw · 07/10/2025 23:14

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 08/10/2025 00:19

She decided to continue with the pregnancy and does need to be able to stand on her own two feet. How on earth is she going to cope when the baby is actually here? Will you never be allowed to make plans again?

I wouldn't be coddling her ridiculous behaviour. She is highly unlikely to not only go in to labour but also have the baby for as long as it takes to go to the theatre and see a show. You are allowed to continue your life as normal, OP.

Femaleone · 08/10/2025 00:20

I can't believe OP started this thread.

saraclara · 08/10/2025 00:20

So you're supposed to not have a life for four to six weeks? That's ridiculous.

If I was still working it would take an hour to have got to my daughter when she was pregnant. Would she have been entitled to tell me to give up work?

Your DD is being ridiculous. The hotel idea is barking mad.

Does she not have any friends?

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 08/10/2025 00:20

I had an elective C section a week and a half before my due date.

When I got to theatre, I was throwing up, I was seeing stars and the anaesthetist told me that I had the highest blood pressure he'd ever seen. The monitor was beeping so much, they just turned it off because it wasn't helping while I was already in surgery. There are so many complications that can happen. All I wanted was my mum. A grown woman crying because all I wanted was my mum to tell me it was OK.

I had to have a C section because I had a footling breech baby, it was elective, but I could not have given birth vaginally, so even if I had started a natural labour I'd have been rushed in for an emergency C section as well. I was told that if labour started early and I had nobody to take me I would need to call for an ambulance, but also to make sure that I had somebody to take me because there can be long waits for an ambulance and that creates risk. She's got nobody to drive her if it all kicks off while you're in the theatre.

Some people end up being put under general anaesthetic because the spinal block doesn't take, or they have heavy blood loss, and it can take hours, almost the full day, and sometimes even a few days to come round from the anaesthetic. She'd have nobody there to be there for her newborn if something like that happened.

The chances of her going into labour while you're out for a few hours is low, but it's not miniscule. She's vastly approaching her due date, and babies come when babies want to come.

Would you want her to be scared of all of the above if that happened while you were watching a show?

OnlyOneAdda · 08/10/2025 00:22

There are a lot of posts here talking about likelihood of labour happening, practicalities if it does...

This is totally missing the point imo. Your daughter is pregnant, hormonal, emotional, scared, vulnerable and feeling all alone after the breakdown of her relationship, anxious about being an unplanned single parent...

She has asked you to stay. I would stay. Willingly. She wouldn't have had to ask. And it wouldn't matter if she was in her 30s, 20s, 40s... she's your child FFS. Be there for her. Poor her to have been ditched by her partner and to be such a low priority for her parents too. No wonder she's feeling scared and all alone.

Sofarsogood2 · 08/10/2025 00:22

MidnightPatrol · 07/10/2025 23:23

Why is the c-section scheduled so early?

It’s statistically quite unlikely she will go into labour at 36/37 weeks…?

Agree ‘unfortunately’ being the third word was… ouch.

It’s not - she’s not 36 weeks. More like 37w5d by the sounds of it, if due date is in 16 days.

saraclara · 08/10/2025 00:23

momager1 · 07/10/2025 23:47

I agree with 90 percent of your post...but NO she wants her mum.. a friend with a car is not the same.

Show quote history

So if her mum worked, she'd have to give up her job to be there for her?

Come on now.

TheRocksStoppedRolling · 08/10/2025 00:23

I think your daughter is worrying too much BUT I could never leave my daughter feeling like this if it could be helped. Neither would her dad. A trip to the theatre isn’t necessary and I would want to support my daughter and make her feel safe after what sounds like a rough few months for her. Her age is irrelevant.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 08/10/2025 00:24

I’m with your husband - you should not cancel your trip. She’ll be 36/37 weeks pregnant with first baby so very unlikely to go into labour (I know it does happen, but not that often, and usually not that quickly).

The chances of it all happening in that approx 5-7 hour window that you’re away from home when it’s 3+ weeks before her due date is so small, definitely not worth cancelling your plans for. If the absolute worst comes to the worst she can call an ambulance or a taxi and you can make your way to the hospital.

PervyMuskrat · 08/10/2025 00:24

CuckooPond · 07/10/2025 23:20

Reassure her that it’s vanishingly unlikely she will go into labour in the four or five hours you’re away. At 36 weeks I was still working overseas, and only went on maternity leave then because the aiRhine I commuted on woukd no longer fly me. I didn’t finally give birth until 42 weeks snd a day.

I gave birth at 37 weeks with no 1 with a 4 hour labour and at just under 37 weeks with no 2 with a sub one hour labour. Both times with no symptoms beforehand, first indication was waters breaking. These things can happen and aren’t that rare.

Purplerubberducky · 08/10/2025 00:25

It is highly unlikely that she will go into labour on the one night that you’re out. She will be fine. You can’t do nothing for the next 9 days just in case.

LeopardPants · 08/10/2025 00:25

GameWheelsAlarm · 07/10/2025 23:27

She's not going to go into labour on that Saturday. First babies are almost always late and the reason why c-sections are scheduled for a week before the due date is to minimise the risk that the woman wanting the c-section will go into labour before it happens. In the very unlikely event that she gets any contractions that evening they will almost certainly be braxton-hicks and will subside after an hour or two by which time you will be back from the theatre.

If she's anxious anyway, employ a babysitter to sit with her.

Can I borrow your crystal ball? I could use your ability to predict the future to win the lottery 🙄 employ a babysitter?! What a joy you are - full of empathy.

I take it you’re not a doctor. Your post makes that pretty clear.

DoYouReally · 08/10/2025 00:25

Serious lack of compassion on this thread.

I can't imagine who it must feel to be pregnant with your first children and having been left by your partner half way through.

Her life as she knew it and planned it is now completely different.

She's having children section but there's a change she could go into labour. I'm assuming the c section isn't elective & is a high risk pregnancy, so of course she would be worried if she went in to labour prior to that.

I'd sit the week before with anyone in that position.

As for your husband, he does realise that not all labours take forever. If she's high risk an hour alone is a long time.

sittingonabeach · 08/10/2025 00:26

Are OP and her partner not meant to go anywhere in the next few days? What happens if they work? An hour commute isn’t unheard of.

Does DD not have any friends who can be on standby too? Useful to have more than one person/couple available

Sofarsogood2 · 08/10/2025 00:27

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 08/10/2025 00:24

I’m with your husband - you should not cancel your trip. She’ll be 36/37 weeks pregnant with first baby so very unlikely to go into labour (I know it does happen, but not that often, and usually not that quickly).

The chances of it all happening in that approx 5-7 hour window that you’re away from home when it’s 3+ weeks before her due date is so small, definitely not worth cancelling your plans for. If the absolute worst comes to the worst she can call an ambulance or a taxi and you can make your way to the hospital.

Edited

Your dates are wrong but I agree that they shouldn’t cancel their trip.

Lmox · 08/10/2025 00:28

I think she sounds like She’s been through a traumatic time and needs your support. She must be feeling really vulnerable. I don’t think whatever show you’re going to see is worth her feeling abandoned (again).

also, with my first child, I went into labour very quickly at 38 weeks. Had absolutely no signs or pains and then waters broke suddenly, everything ramped up and I was 10cm dilated within two hours. Don’t take the risk.

saraclara · 08/10/2025 00:28

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 08/10/2025 00:11

Christ alive. Your husbands opinion that she's in her 30s and shouldn't need her parents is vile.

She's about to have major surgery, and is worried things might not go to plan as they so often don't when babies are involved. She wants her mum and her dad.

She might be an adult but she's still your little girl and this is a really vulnerable time for her.

She's not months away, she's literally imminently about to have a baby.

I can't imagine prioritising a theatre trip above my lonely, scared and anxious pregnant daughter.

She literally isn't imminently having a baby. Tomorrow would be imminently. Four weeks is not.

Again, most perspective grandmothers still work. Would you be suggesting that they give up work to be there for their anxious 30 year old daughter?

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 08/10/2025 00:29

It's really not that unusual for 36w pregnant women to be left alone (or with other children) for a few hours is it?

She does seem overly anxious about this. I wonder how she's going to cope once the baby's here.

Maybe don't tell her about your comings and goings from now on!

LeopardPants · 08/10/2025 00:29

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saraclara · 08/10/2025 00:29

sittingonabeach · 08/10/2025 00:26

Are OP and her partner not meant to go anywhere in the next few days? What happens if they work? An hour commute isn’t unheard of.

Does DD not have any friends who can be on standby too? Useful to have more than one person/couple available

I suspect that not only can they not go anywhere until the baby's born, they also won't be able to go anywhere after it arrives.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 08/10/2025 00:30

Sofarsogood2 · 08/10/2025 00:27

Your dates are wrong but I agree that they shouldn’t cancel their trip.

Show quote history

Op said she’s currently 36 weeks and the theatre trip is a few days from now - I based it on that.

LeopardPants · 08/10/2025 00:32

DoYouReally · 08/10/2025 00:25

Serious lack of compassion on this thread.

I can't imagine who it must feel to be pregnant with your first children and having been left by your partner half way through.

Her life as she knew it and planned it is now completely different.

She's having children section but there's a change she could go into labour. I'm assuming the c section isn't elective & is a high risk pregnancy, so of course she would be worried if she went in to labour prior to that.

I'd sit the week before with anyone in that position.

As for your husband, he does realise that not all labours take forever. If she's high risk an hour alone is a long time.

Huge lack of compassion im pretty shocked!!! I hope the relatives of these lot never need support as it doesn’t sound like it would be forthcoming.

I hope I am never 10% as cold as some of these PPs.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 08/10/2025 00:33

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 08/10/2025 00:29

It's really not that unusual for 36w pregnant women to be left alone (or with other children) for a few hours is it?

She does seem overly anxious about this. I wonder how she's going to cope once the baby's here.

Maybe don't tell her about your comings and goings from now on!

Exactly. My husband was still going to work an hour away when I was 41 weeks, with my parents even further away. Are people supposed to suspend all plans for weeks “just in case”?

SouthLondonMum22 · 08/10/2025 00:34

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I have sympathy for her situation but I don't believe that feeding her anxiety is the answer. Again, what is she going to do when the baby arrives? Will OP never be allowed a life of her own again?

OP isn't going out of the country. It's a massive over reaction.

FairKoala · 08/10/2025 00:34

I drove myself to hospital after my waters broke.
At 36 weeks I was on my own and dh was working away.
Demanding everyone cancels their plans and not leave her side for the next 9 days

It all seems a little bit OTT.

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