To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

No need for the hyperbole. She’s not vulnerable, not is she a child. She’s an adult with all the responsibility that entails, for herself and her child. The baby’s father is now gone but her parents aren’t obligated to fill that void. All very nice if they wish to, but certainly not something to be expected of them, and it’s unfair to ask it of them.

Of course she would probably be absolutely fine.

However I can't imagine for a second leaving her to go to the theatre if my daughter, in your daughters situation, asked me not to. This is one of those times where it really matters that you show up for your daughter.

Not read the thread. But don't need too.

Look after your daughter in her time of need. Labour and a new baby. She needs support.

According to your dates, your DD will be over 38 weeks when you go. That's not the same as 36, we are talking full term.

Wild horses couldn't drag me from my frightened daughter while her baby is due and she's asking for me. She is very likely safe at home, yes, but if there is ever a time she needs to know her parents have her back it's now. Show her.

She’s 36 weeks today and your tickets are booked for Saturday? She’s being ridiculous. And she needs to get with it sharpish, this isn’t exacting boding well for her being a single mum.

Of course she will need your support when the time comes. But she can’t monopolize and dictate your movements for a full four weeks before her due date.

I would be making myself available from week 39 onwards (or her c section date, which seems very early?), and I would also be very clear about what I would and would not be prepared to do for her and my grandchild.

I don't understand the grandparents to be going to the theatre for a night equals that they're never going to support their daughter and grandchild? It's just a night out and they may not get many of those soon, helping with the new arrival.

And these days C sections are the elected choice for many mums, no health reason needed. At least that's what they are in my local hospital (good friend is a midwife).

This is a hard situation, of course she is scared, she has never been pregnant before, but you also cannot set the standard at being at her beck and call all the time.

You probably won't enjoy the show anyway, is there a way your partner can go with someone else so he doesn't miss out.

Jesus. This is your daughter. I can’t imagine prioritising anything over this. Honestly, go to the theatre and you will trash your relationship with your daughter and granddaughter.

I cannot imagine not supporting my daughter as she asked in these circumstances. Just a complete no brainer.

But my attitude is certainly influenced by my own mum's lack of interest when I was pregnant. I was not single but I asked my Mum to come along to an appointment that my husband couldn't make. She made excuses and didn't come. She also was away on holiday when my first baby was born, and didn't even rush to see him on her return. You don't forget lack of support from your parents when you really need it.

What would I do? I would let him go by himself if he wants to be a dick about it.

You, however are not being particularly empathic either so I suspect that you will prioritise the theatre and adamant man over the anxious pregnant woman.

That's great, but this particular single mother to be is feeling anxious and now distraught.
Slightly over dramatic yes, but if I was her mother I'd be doing whatever I could for her.
And @HedwigEliza This situation wasn’t of their making or their choice and it isn’t their responsibility. Same answer, you're right, but it also wasn't her choice and as her mother I would want to do what I could to help get her through this period until she is settled. Would you just wash your hands of her?

It’s just dawned on me that dh worked an hour away when I was pregnant with twins and it was a high risk pregnancy. Just meant I’d need to cope until he and my parents got there (to look after dd1 who was a toddler). Parents lived an hour and a half away. I did have a friend close by to look after dd1 faster until mum could arrive as her birth was 2 hours so I knew I may not have lots of time. I do wonder what expectations there will be of grandparents when baby is born. But I can see others disagree and think they should put their lives on hold completely.

Only if the daughter is a spoiled brat.

She is being ridiculous. If she were a risk for early labour she wouldn’t have the c section scheduled for when it is.

With that much anxiety coursing through her, she will not be going into spontaneous labour with her first born at any great speed.

Enjoy the theatre and I hope things work out for your daughter in the long run.

They are supporting her, it’s literally 4 hours they are putting themselves first. That not being unsupportive.

Is going to the theatre for a few hours 'washing their hands of her'? Very dramatic.

Also just thinking, my sister and I were talking the other day and one of her lasting memories of our mother is in her twenties when she was sad/depressed not coping well with university and she begged my mum to stay and my mum walked away because she had plans. They never had a decent relationship after that. The situation can be objectively "ridiculous" or something she should be able to cope with but we all deserve a little bit extra looking after sometimes.

No, of course that's not. I was responding to the poster who appears to just think it's a case of "not my responsibility sunshine, off you trot" as a whole with a pregnant daughter.

Christ alive. Your husbands opinion that she's in her 30s and shouldn't need her parents is vile.

She's about to have major surgery, and is worried things might not go to plan as they so often don't when babies are involved. She wants her mum and her dad.

She might be an adult but she's still your little girl and this is a really vulnerable time for her.

She's not months away, she's literally imminently about to have a baby.

I can't imagine prioritising a theatre trip above my lonely, scared and anxious pregnant daughter.

I would go. Ok shes is one her own but it’s a c section in 9 days, you are only an hour away she can call an ambulance and you meet at the hospital

it doesn’t bode well though for when the baby is born if she is like this now

A lot of emotive words on here.

The chances of her going into labour the very day you are an hour away is unlikely. I would not cancel.

If she wants to book a hotel for the night, let her.

Where are her friends? Does she work? Do you?

DH was at work an hour away both times i went into labour and was still hour when he came back.

Obviously she’s being a bit ridiculous - should anything happen she’d likely have ample time to get to hospital. That’s not the point though. Your daughter feels anxious and alone in this pregnancy and she is looking to you for support. Are you going to give her that, or is the theatre more important?

As a single mum myself I am not even slighly offended by what to OP meant and agree with you. I wouldn't wish (unwilling) single motherhood on anyone.

Whatever I did, it would not be driven by the views of a non-uterus-owner who doesn't want his night at the theatre spoilt.

If your DD is having a C section at 37 weeks, is that for medical reasons and might that be why she's worried? I had a similar situation and it would have been quite bad news if I had gone into labour before my C-section, particularly if there was no one on hand to rush me to hospital as the consultant had emphasised would be necessary.

I would cancel theatre. There will be other opportunities to go to the theatre but she needs you at the moment and wants to feel reassured. Hope the birth goes well.