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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do a day out without newborn weeks after birth?

259 replies

honeymelina · 07/10/2025 13:40

There is a big family get together coming soon that my family has been planning for long time. Many relatives will come, there will be food and children playing, all that kind of thing. It is exactly the type of day my DS would love and I would like to go too. With the drive and everything we would be out most of the day, maybe from 10 in the morning until around 4.

By that time the baby will be around one or two weeks old. I am being induced for medical reasons in next few days so the time is already quite certain, let’s not get into that. I am not really worried about if I can manage physically, my mum will be there and I can sit down if I need, but I think more if it is realistic to leave the newborn at home with DH for that long. He is fine with it but says when baby is here I probably will not want to go.

For feeding I can pump while we are out and also leave some milk already at home, so that part is okay. But I keep thinking maybe it is too soon to be away the whole day. The main thing is I would like to spend some nice time with DS and it’s an important event for my family. I would not take the baby because it is not really the right place, and I cannot just send DS without me.

So AIBU to think I can do it? Has anyone done something similar soon after birth and it was alright?

OP posts:
mixedcereal · 07/10/2025 13:44

I think plan to go, but be very prepared to either take the newborn or be willing to not go if it doesn’t all work out.

not unreasonable either way I don’t think, but at that age you need to be flexible.

what if you have a c section for example?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/10/2025 13:45

6 hours is not the most of a day, it is 25% of a day but as you are already questioning it, I suspect your husband is right.

Why is he not going with your child, if the event is going to be so enjoyable for your child.

DwarfBeans · 07/10/2025 13:46

The baby will be with their father and will be fine. Give yourself permission to have one day after creating and carrying your baby for so long! It’s how you frame it mentally. I don’t see a problem here. Have fun.

basebar · 07/10/2025 13:46

Possibly not a very popular view but I do think a newborn belongs with the mum if at all possible.

Can’t the baby go with you?

Pleasegetmeacoffeesotired · 07/10/2025 13:48

Can't your mum take your son, if you're not sure about leaving the baby yet? Or your husband?

luckylavender · 07/10/2025 13:48

Why can’t the baby & your partner go too?

Original poster
honeymelina · 07/10/2025 13:48

To address a few:
it’s my family’s event (my side of the family) and it would be more appropriate for me to go.
no, I can’t take the newborn at all

OP posts:
ButSheSaid · 07/10/2025 13:49

The infant can't be in a car seat for long at all due to compressing the spine and restricting breathing, so not sure why it's being suggested to bring the newborn along.

You won't know until the actual day how you're healing and if you're able to go, if the baby will accept a bottle, etc.

splim · 07/10/2025 13:50

I wasn't comfortable driving any significant distance so soon personally. I did manage to get driven home from hospital though!

I think your husband is right TBH - new babies have a way of consuming you in the beginning - but if you really want to do it I would suggest getting a hotel room nearby, have DH do the driving and play it by ear on which of you go to how much of the event.

FishwivesSalute · 07/10/2025 13:50

ButSheSaid · 07/10/2025 13:49

The infant can't be in a car seat for long at all due to compressing the spine and restricting breathing, so not sure why it's being suggested to bring the newborn along.

You won't know until the actual day how you're healing and if you're able to go, if the baby will accept a bottle, etc.

But she hasn't said how far a drive it would be.

Gruffporcupine · 07/10/2025 13:50

Each to their own but think this is wild. A newborn needs Mum more than you or DS need to go to a party. Can't someone else take DS? This is not to mention still potentially being battered from the birth and not able to manage

Original poster
honeymelina · 07/10/2025 13:50

The options here are: I go with my son or he can’t go. Without going into details, derailing or making it outing, there isn’t a way to leave my son with my mum for the event or send my husband or take the baby. I simply mean, is the plan as it is, to go with just DS and myself, without DH and baby, ok or unreasonable?

OP posts:
Bitzee · 07/10/2025 13:51

Did you pump that early with your eldest? It’d be one thing if you were planning on formula feeding but IDK how realistic it is that you’ll have built up a stash of breastmilk from pumping in only a week.

Also, how are you planning getting there? Are you planning on driving yourself? Could you realistically manage that even if you have stitches or a c-section? How old is DS and can you physically manage him? If he’s a toddler that’s going to be a lot harder than if he’s a sensible 6YO.

It’d surely be easier if you all went as a family. I know you say it’s not really baby friendly but I’m a bit confused by that if it’s a family thing with lots of other young kids, and your DS sounds young if he can’t attend without you, so it surely can’t be that unsuitable for a newborn…

RedNine · 07/10/2025 13:51

I cant imagine any family event where a new baby would not be welcome. Even a funeral or wedding you take the baby out the minute it starts squawking.

At two weeks old you will still be getting BF established, trying to get your seatbelt over rock hard boobs for the journey home would be Shock

Separating yourself from your baby is a really big ask of yourself, as well. Your DH is right.

Take baby, go as a family.

MyMilchick · 07/10/2025 13:51

Of course it's ok, the baby will be with their dad

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 07/10/2025 13:51

I think it’s impossible to know the answer until you’ve had your baby.

I was fine physically after a few hours and could have worked out the feeding, others don’t want to leave their babies for a year.

PurpleThistle7 · 07/10/2025 13:52

I think the only way I’d consider it is if DH and the baby came and were somewhere nearby. But really it seems quite ambitious and I don’t exactly understand why your baby wouldn’t be welcome if your other child is. I think the driving would have been hard for me at the time and I was still bleeding a settling into feeding at that point - even with my second.

FunnysInLaJardin · 07/10/2025 13:53

if you feel well enough you will be fine.

margegunderson · 07/10/2025 13:53

You’ve had a baby before - what do you think? For me I’d move heaven and earth to take your baby as well. You say it’s impossible but get over that and I suspect the whole thing would be much easier.

RedNine · 07/10/2025 13:53

OK seen your update.

I think it unwise to plan to go with just DS.

Good luck with the rest of your pg and with the birth, however it happens.

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 07/10/2025 13:53

Gruffporcupine · 07/10/2025 13:50

Each to their own but think this is wild. A newborn needs Mum more than you or DS need to go to a party. Can't someone else take DS? This is not to mention still potentially being battered from the birth and not able to manage

Mum or a parent/grandparent/carer?

FuzzyWolf · 07/10/2025 13:53

The baby will be fine with their father so it comes down to whether you feel emotionally and physically ok to go. You might find you don’t know for certain until the day. Just because you are being induced and are fairly confident of the dates doesn’t mean you won’t end up with tearing or a c section.

If you do go, you will need to pump and do so frequently to both mimic your baby to help your supply and to prevent mastitis. I’d probably have formula at home for the baby because you might not be able to pump enough in advance of being away in such a short amount of time.

ApricotCheesecake · 07/10/2025 13:53

I think the feeding aspect will be harder than you think, but otherwise I'd say go.

mynameiscalypso · 07/10/2025 13:54

If all goes well with the birth and with feeding, I don’t see why not and think it would probably be a good thing for your DS as he might be feeling very unsettled. I will add though that I FF so am not sure of the logistics of pumping etc but if you’ve done it before, I assume you know all of that!

Bitzee · 07/10/2025 13:54

honeymelina · 07/10/2025 13:50

The options here are: I go with my son or he can’t go. Without going into details, derailing or making it outing, there isn’t a way to leave my son with my mum for the event or send my husband or take the baby. I simply mean, is the plan as it is, to go with just DS and myself, without DH and baby, ok or unreasonable?

If you don’t want to give details and that has to be the plan then put simply yes it’s unreasonable and unrealistic.