To do a day out without newborn weeks after birth?

[honeymelina]

There is a big family get together coming soon that my family has been planning for long time. Many relatives will come, there will be food and children playing, all that kind of thing. It is exactly the type of day my DS would love and I would like to go too. With the drive and everything we would be out most of the day, maybe from 10 in the morning until around 4.

By that time the baby will be around one or two weeks old. I am being induced for medical reasons in next few days so the time is already quite certain, let’s not get into that. I am not really worried about if I can manage physically, my mum will be there and I can sit down if I need, but I think more if it is realistic to leave the newborn at home with DH for that long. He is fine with it but says when baby is here I probably will not want to go.

For feeding I can pump while we are out and also leave some milk already at home, so that part is okay. But I keep thinking maybe it is too soon to be away the whole day. The main thing is I would like to spend some nice time with DS and it’s an important event for my family. I would not take the baby because it is not really the right place, and I cannot just send DS without me.

So AIBU to think I can do it? Has anyone done something similar soon after birth and it was alright?

If DP is good then you can go.

If you are likely to change your mind because you aren’t sure don’t say it to DC and warn everyone it will be a last minute decision depending on baby and all.

Give you the space you’ll need to make a good decision with the least stress.

Good luck!

Your newborn baby will be none the wiser for a day, goodness some people making out you have to be with them 24/7 or you're a wrong un' is just ridiculous. They will be dry, fed and contented with dad and your DS get quality time with mum. Don't beat yourself up, go!

Go with your son, your DH is willing to stay home with the NB. It's not like you will be gone for days, it's just a few hours.
My daughter stayed home with her NB when her DP had events for his side of the family and took their 3yo. He stayed at home with the newborn when she had events to attend.
A lot of people don't like taking NBs out due to all the germs (measle scare) and they are not able to be vaccinated that little.

Sounds very much unreasonable to leave newborn with DH. You can't know for sure if the baby will accept bottle and going to a party is not as important as being with your newborn

I carried on life as normal with a newborn. There wasn't anywhere I could take one DC and not a newborn. I'd be going with baby and DC.
I don't think there is anything wrong with leaving the newborn with dad for the day in theory. I personally wouldn't have been away from my baby that long, you may have an idea of how you would feel based on how you felt when your DC was that age. I also may have struggled with expressing enough milk that early, I really struggled expressing but again you may have a better idea of what works for you if you expressed with your DC early on.

Not at all..you go and enjoy yourself with your family and son..take no notice of these bloody mums who need their husbands wiping their arses for 2 months after having a baby,if you feel up to it just go,these women are just fishing for gossip as to why you all can't go..Best of luck xx

I could pump no problem with my first. Could barely pump at all with my second. Either way I couldn't and wouldn't have left either of them at that age and I wouldn't want to confuse them by introducing bottles so soon. I also wouldn't have been well enough to go myself as I nearly died as did the babies which is why I can't have any more.

I wouldn't plan anything tbh. If you feel up to it, great. If you don't, nothing lost.

This! I had my son in winter and went to watch a football match for three hours (including travel time) when he was three weeks old. The mum guilt was bad at first but you soon learn that you need to be yourself sometimes!

The baby will be with their Dad- that is completely reasonable if you are happy with it. Obviously assuming the baby will take a bottle and dosent refuse it or anything!

Don't ask everyone else their thoughts or opinions, see how you feel at the time, induced birth doesn't guarantee quick and it doesn't guarantee no c section either ( I speak from experience)and if you're okay and up for it at the time, go, if not don't! Maybe not tell your DS till the day as this will save any upset and make it much more fun and exciting if it goes ahead, which for DS will make it so much more memorable x

Without knowing all the details, I think it should be fine.
You know your own body, you can judge if nb has enough milk to cope.
You are in charge of you. Go for it!

When my son was 2 weeks old I had to go to an important interview in person (a training programme where the opportunity only comes around once a year so wasn't going to miss it). It was about a 1.5hr commute each way then 2 hours there for interview plus group exercise, so about 5 hours in total. It was manageable. I did have to pump in the toilets while I was there and on the train (not an experience I want to repeat!) and when I got home my boobs were ready to explode. But overall it was ok and DS took pre-pumped milk from the bottle no problem. DH said he slept basically the whole time anyway. You'll be ok I'm sure just make sure to pump for your supply

Take the baby if you feel up to the day out. Don’t leave it behind.

Why are your family planning a big event that you can't take your brand new baby to. You've presumably been pregnant all the time they've been planning this. I can't imagine having a family thing that someone I loved couldn't attend because they'd just given birth to another family member .

Personally i wouldnt leave a newborn at 2 weeks old , my daughters just had a baby who is now 2 weeks old and it would never cross her mind to go out for the day and leave her baby... even with her husband
I think its best if you all go then husband can take the baby if needed while you spend time with your son but youll be at the family event as a family

I think you should go if you can, even if it's just to spend some quality time with your DS😊 perhaps you could try 10.30 - 3.30 instead 😊

You can’t definitively plan, the baby may not even take the bottle; birth may not go as intended, etc.

But in theory, yes of course you can go and leave the baby with their father.

Mine seems to be an unpopular opinion with all the ‘cannot leave baby with Dad for a second’ comments, but I would go. I do not agree with a such tiny baby being at an event with so many people, especially this time of year where cold and flu is rife so I wouldn’t entertain the idea of taking baby. People will want to hold baby, not knowing if they have washed their hands/be touching cheeks etc., that would put me on edge.

After my first DC(7 now) were born I probably would have fell in that camp and not have left them but I’ve now got a 4 week old I would love to be able to spend some time alone with my 7yr olds.

10-4 is not a whole day, most of that time baby will be sleeping! As I had a section I would have DH drive us but apart from that why can a baby not be left with Dad unless EBF? You will know beforehand if there are feeding difficulties, they are unlikely to suddenly arise between 10-4 that day. You’re not a first time Mum so I imagine you know exactly what your feeding plan is! Best of luck with everything!

@AvidLurker she plans to breastfeed and pump, it's in the OP. I have experience EBF and pumping and it is absolutely not doable to be away from baby when they are 2 weeks old. Your milk supply is still getting established, baby cluster feeds randomly, it's just not doable.

The feeding plan comment was in regards to posters who said baby may not take expressed through a bottle - I’m sure as an experienced Mum who has resorted to Mumsnet she will try bottle use days prior and not just wait until the day she is absent. As baby is not here yet her feeding plan cannot be guaranteed and poster does not state EBF. She plans to pump whilst there so there will be a small window where she will be away from the baby whilst pumping (she can pump/BF as leaving and upon return with baby, even sooner if DH transports her with baby). Just because you have experience of both doesn’t mean everyones experience is identical. My experience is not the same as yours.

Ultimately it is up to the poster, she will know how she feels both in herself and the wellbeing of her baby after birth. I do not think she will be wrong in whichever choice she makes given it will be thoroughly thought through and planned as she appears to be.

Please be prepared not to go if the situation doesn't allow it (in the best interest of the newborn and yourself).
From my own experience, you may not be able to express enough immediately; if you are planning on breastfeeding you need to be careful about nipple confusion; you might have to undergo a c section; you may not feel physically up to it - and that's OK! Don't promise anything to DS, it's a bonus if you do manage to go.
Please stick to your guns about not taking him - family are the worst at wanting to coo and touch and hold newborns regardless of what you want and tell them, and also tend to be in very enclosed and close contact - their immune systems are too weak at this point should they catch anything it could be fatal. I am amazed at the number of people suggesting you take a newborn immediately!

I’m not I could do it at just a week old. For one thing I didn’t give my children bottles and never got the hang of pumping (which I only tried because my second baby was in NICU for a few days) until much older (and one refused to have them at all). But aside from that I’m not sure why all three of you don’t go.
But as for the wellbeing of the baby I’m sure they will be fine if they are happy with a bottle.

I left my baby with dh to have my hair done when mine was little - but that was half an hour not all day!

Her plan is to breastfeed and baby will literally only be a couple of weeks old. I disagree with the its winter so don't take the baby comments unless they all don't go. The same relatives could give OP or the older child the virus which they then bring home to the baby. OP could bring DH and the baby, they could chill together with dad in charge and OP could have 1-2-1 with the older one and be on hand for feeds etc. No one needs to pass baby round or be kissing them, and OP is there if baby decides not to take a bottle.

Well if baby is only a week old, it’s a BERY long time to go without expressing or feeding a baby…. Your boobs could potentially be very swollen and painful by the time you get home, you could also end up getting mastitis which is hideous !
It also depends as my DD simply wouldn’t take a bottle, no matter what test I bought, it was breast or nothing…
Surely it’s easier to take the baby? You’d still get lots of fun time with your older child as there will be lots of family members there desperate to meet and hold your newborn anyway!

Ok. In that case. Yes you are being unreasonable!
a 2 week old baby that’s being breast fed is too young to leave for 6 hours! It’s also ridiculous to think you can leave your breasts filling up for 6 whole hours!
It would be a whole lot worse to attend and have to leave early because baby needs you than it would be to not go at all and not mention the day to your son.
Do something else with son that only means leaving baby for couple of hourso