To do a day out without newborn weeks after birth?

[honeymelina]

There is a big family get together coming soon that my family has been planning for long time. Many relatives will come, there will be food and children playing, all that kind of thing. It is exactly the type of day my DS would love and I would like to go too. With the drive and everything we would be out most of the day, maybe from 10 in the morning until around 4.

By that time the baby will be around one or two weeks old. I am being induced for medical reasons in next few days so the time is already quite certain, let’s not get into that. I am not really worried about if I can manage physically, my mum will be there and I can sit down if I need, but I think more if it is realistic to leave the newborn at home with DH for that long. He is fine with it but says when baby is here I probably will not want to go.

For feeding I can pump while we are out and also leave some milk already at home, so that part is okay. But I keep thinking maybe it is too soon to be away the whole day. The main thing is I would like to spend some nice time with DS and it’s an important event for my family. I would not take the baby because it is not really the right place, and I cannot just send DS without me.

So AIBU to think I can do it? Has anyone done something similar soon after birth and it was alright?

I had to take an exam in a different city when my son was 3 weeks old. Not going would have meant I couldn't redo it for a whole year, holding me back in my job for a further 2 years. I said I will get there unless I am physically incapable of getting there. It was fine.
I obviously knew if my health wasn't up to it then I would have to leave it but I was ok, so I went. Normal birth.

I might consider it for a real one- off huge life moment for soneone I was very close to, with a small number of people present.
But it sounds like a big, lovely relaxed family party, so absolutely no way would I be leaving a two-week-old for that (and I never had a deep visceral need to be close to them when they were tiny).

It's 25% of a day and a night, actually, OP is speaking colloquially in the sense most of us do when we say day. Sophistry.

It seems very odd to me that somewhere would be child friendly enough for your older child but absolutely 100% cannot take your newborn? Also your plan involves one of your children being without you for the same amount of time - and you'd choose the newborn that may be EBF and therefore reliant on you for literally everything over letting a much more independent older child go with a trusted relative if you won't send DH? A lot of what you're saying just isn't really making sense.

Personally I'd have gone with all 4 of you go and DH takes lead with baby while you play with the older child, swapping when baby wants feeding.

I had to leave my 10 day old for a 12-hour day (second child, so similar to the OP) and managed to pump whilst away without issue. Baby was fine. I was fine.

Mine was not under ideal circumstances (out of necessity, not by choice) but ultimately it worked out logistically

I wouldn’t be exposing my newborn to that many people by going to an event that soon tbh. I think it’s selfish honestly and your son won’t know about the event if he isn’t told.

Even with number 2, having extended bf and expressed with my first I couldn't have managed what you're planning at 2 weeks.

You'll likely not have been able to build up any sort of bf stash in 2 weeks at the very least, never mind had dh or baby enough chance to practice bottle feeding in your absence.

On top of which - driving, managing a giddy toddler, achy boobs and still very much recovering from birth never mind tired as SHIT.

Can't you bring the baby and keep in a sling to avoid requests to hold? I'd rather be known as a clingy newborn parent for 6 hours than all the faff and stress of leaving baby at home. Won't dh want to come to support you/fight off well-meaning aunts?

I went and had my hair cut when my DD was a few days old, I went because I had a meeting at DS’s school the following week. I hated every second I was away from her. I was gone maybe 2 hours in total. Easy how they dominate our love

No one else can answer re what you will be able to do, only whether we could have done it.

I can say that I wouldn't have been able to do a full day - I did give a 2-hour lecture about 4 weeks after giving birth but dh had ds just up the road so I was reunited with him 15 mins after I was finished.

I couldn't leave dd at all in the first few months as she point blank refused to take a bottle

If you are breastfeeding but want the day out you will have to spend the first few days of your baby's life ensuring s/he will accept a bottle as well as the boob which may be overwhelming if there are any difficulties with latch etc.

Sorry but I think YABU. A baby that young needs its mummy. That's a vital period for bonding. It's also a vital rest period for the mother.

The father can just take DS and enjoy themselves?

@honeymelina I have the dreaded lurgy at the moment, and it is really horrible! I hate to think of any newborns, and other vulnerable people, getting this, and sadly it seems to be rife. For that particular reason - even if for nothing else - I absolutely agree with you that you shouldn't take your newborn to the family party.

Unfortunately, I also think for at least the first few months (and baby has had at least some of her innoculations), you and your DH should be trying to stay away from crowded places like supermarkets etc. It would be good if, as a family, you usually go shopping at busy times, to maybe go much earlier, or later, than normal, or to get your shopping delivered instead. Hopefully your DH doesn't work in too crowded an environment!

Sorry, I can't remember how old your DS is, but if he is at nursery or school, you can't really stop him going to either of them, and nor should you. It wouldn't be good for either you, or your DS, to get paranoid over this, but I really would try to limit everything that can be reasonably limited for now. I am so excited for you having a newborn so soon 🤗💐

You won’t know until you’ve had the baby whether it’s feasible or not. A lot depends on the baby!

At a couple of weeks old I was still establishing breastfeeding, with all my DC. You could aim to bottle feed breastmilk and hope to revert to breastfeeding after your event, I suppose, but pumping sufficient to have a day's surplus might be difficult that soon? I can't imagine feeling happy to be away from my newborn for most of a day but of course sometimes circumstances mean this has to happen and people survive it. How long is the drive?

It is barking that you're being so secretive, that it's a family get together you can't take your DH & baby to & DS can't go with other family members.

you can leave the baby home with DH & expressed milk, it's not DH!s first child so he should be able to manage, but I wouldn't want to & I woukdnt put this batshit event before my newborn.

your DS can enjoy at a day with his parents & new sibling just as much.

I had a super easy recovery from birth and regularly left my newborn with his dad for up to two hours at a time but only right after a feed so couldn’t preplan and no more than two hours. I think a whole day is unwise if you want bf to establish (both for your boobs and for your baby) and be able to concentrate on your ds.

I agree. DS needs to go to the family party but someone else can take him. DH could drop him off if he’s not comfortable attending without you.

Can’t you perhaps go for 2-3 hours not the whole duration?

Please don't pump that early! It takes 6 weeks to establish your supply. Pump should only be used in addition to feeding to increase your supply x

It’s absolutely ok. You are still a person and are allowed to do things for yourself and you are still a mum to the eldest. So yes it might be that something happens that’s you can’t go but your eldest life can’t stop because you’ve had a second

Oh ffs.

If you feel up for it on the day then go. The baby will be fine with its other parent for a few hours.

If you don’t feel up for it on the day then don’t go.

What a load of drama over something so simple. I genuinely couldn’t imagine living my life like this.

There is no right or wrong answer.

I stayed at my mums for the weekend when my baby was 2 weeks old. It was her 60th and had been planned for a long time.

I hadn’t confirmed I was going until closer to the date as I wanted to see what baby was like, as in routine, how he settled etc.

It was fine in the end, but it could have been different.

I don’t think you’ll be comfortable leaving baby alone for the day though.
Do what you feel comfortable with at the time.

As a mum of 2 both husband and myself are from big families. I would plan to take the newborn, DS and husband. Let everyone help for the day and you enjoy the village.
Obviously, if one or both kids ill don't go or if you don't feel up to it. But plan for the best

I couldn’t have done it. However if you feel you can then I don’t see the issue.

I think this is absolutely fine but will depend on how you feel in yourself after birth but from what you’re asking, no I don’t think it’s unreasonable of you to leave your baby with its dad for 5/6 hours.

I think it’s fine as a plan in theory. People saying ‘baby needs mum’. No, they don’t need mum per se. They need a warm, loving, attentive person to nurture them and meet their needs. In many or even most families that is often most consistently the mum because of the way our society and parental leave systems are set up, because many mums breastfeed and mums are wired to meet their needs more instinctively because they carried them. But this notion that they need mum and only mum is outdated and potentially harmful to families.

I say it’s a fine plan in theory because when it comes to it might not work out. You may still be in pain from birth. You might be absolutely knackered and not up for socialising. Baby might not take to the bottle as easily/as quickly as you are expecting. There might be health complications for you and/or baby. You simply might not feel you can leave them.
I’d advise planning to go if you can, but making sure folk know that you might pull out at late notice.