To do a day out without newborn weeks after birth?

[honeymelina]

There is a big family get together coming soon that my family has been planning for long time. Many relatives will come, there will be food and children playing, all that kind of thing. It is exactly the type of day my DS would love and I would like to go too. With the drive and everything we would be out most of the day, maybe from 10 in the morning until around 4.

By that time the baby will be around one or two weeks old. I am being induced for medical reasons in next few days so the time is already quite certain, let’s not get into that. I am not really worried about if I can manage physically, my mum will be there and I can sit down if I need, but I think more if it is realistic to leave the newborn at home with DH for that long. He is fine with it but says when baby is here I probably will not want to go.

For feeding I can pump while we are out and also leave some milk already at home, so that part is okay. But I keep thinking maybe it is too soon to be away the whole day. The main thing is I would like to spend some nice time with DS and it’s an important event for my family. I would not take the baby because it is not really the right place, and I cannot just send DS without me.

So AIBU to think I can do it? Has anyone done something similar soon after birth and it was alright?

I would just plan to go with the baby.

No it is not ffs.

How can anyone give you an answer on that without knowing how far away it is?! If you'd be driving 2 hours each way solo a week postpartum with a 3 year old, don't do it. If it's a 20 min drive and your mum's with you the whole time and driving then it's more achievable.

If you have a CS you probably shouldn't be driving by then anyway.

The baby will be fine with dad. You - that is a different question. You will still be healing, pumping might not work, your hormones will be all over the places.

I'd take the baby. Feeding a two week old in way at that stage can be challenging. Some babies will be cluster feeding, some who are breastfeeding won't go near expressed milk.

Mum for at least the first few weeks, unless that's impossible. Unpopular but Dad/Grandparent etc are not Mum, they did not grow the baby inside them and aren't a substitute when e.g trying to establish breastfeeding.

It's your second baby so you've got some inkling of how you'd feel.

I happily went to a party without baby at about 2 weeks, though it was only an evening and local. But others feel panicky if they baby is in a different room to them at this age. So let you be the guide to you.

There's nothing wrong with going or not going, it's purely a matter of what's comfortable for you.

It might affect breastfeeding, but equally it might not. If you are very fixed on exclusive breastfeeding then I wouldn't risk it, but I get the feeling you wouldn't even be considering this, so you are probably a bit relaxed as how it'll go.

I think it’s probably very achievable as long as feeding is going well and you are able to find the time and space to pump while you are there- you may need to do it more than once.

People are just confused OP, because most of us can’t think of any sort of family event where a newborn wouldn’t be welcome, and you don’t want to elaborate on your (potentially perfectly reasonable) reasons.

Personally I think it’s unrealistic. Also, struggling to think what sort of family event welcomes kids but bans babies and anyone non-blood related i.e. spouses/partners. There was no way I could have even sat to drive a car with a few of mine for the first few weeks and I didn’t have c-sections.

This! As I say, everyone's different, but I've never related to Mums who are "toodle pip" and off on nights out and stuff with a newborn. Could never have been me!

I think it’s unrealistic too.
Even with a fantastic recovery, the baby is only a week or two old. They shouldn’t be separated from you and you’re still recovering.
It’s fine for your ds to miss it, despite how much he’d enjoy it.

It is of course doable OP, assuming you have a textbook birth and a textbook baby.

If perchance your baby has reflux, or doesn’t sleep, or you are unwell after birth, all bets are off as far as that outing.

If you are aware of, and accepting of the outing not happening, proceed with planning to go but will accept not going too.

Gor goodness sake don’t go building it up as the outing of the century for your child, in case it doesn’t happen,

I wouldn’t have wanted to be at such a long event so soon after the birth of any of my children, even with my DH there.
i certainly wouldn’t have wanted to be separated from my baby for so long.
And assuming your DS is young, he won’t have a clue he is “missing out” unless you or someone tell him.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. It's what YOU feel is best for your baby and your son. If you're doubting yourself, get to the bottom of your doubts and work through them.

(Personally I would have been a zombie at 1 or 2 weeks post-partum, I was still gazing at my babies with wonderment, my breasts ached for them, they still felt part of my body and mind. But every woman is different, I know plenty of women who didn't feel that way at all.)

I think your being unrealistic.

FFS???

A week post partum and you’re healed well enough from the birth to drive an unspecified distance and wrangle what sounds like a toddler or preschooler in/out of the car, established breastfeeding well enough to have pumped a stash for DH to feed and are comfortable pumping out of the house, not a hormonal sleep deprived mess, not still bleeding heavily, emotionally ok with leaving the newborn and up for a family party - sounds really, really unrealistic to me. Yeah you might manage it but I think it’s more likely than not that you wouldn’t and if you did push yourself then you really wouldn’t enjoy it.

If OP simply wants YES or NO answers and not to be drawn into a discussion of the arrangements and can the baby really not come then I’d have to errr on the side of no.

The child will be with the father. You can provide milk. You can go.
It is just whether physically you are up to it that soon after giving birth.

This.
Why is baby not welcome?

Personally, I would go as a family. Baby wear so the baby is close to you/your husband. And leave if it is too much 🤷‍♀️

Yes, it's a really silly idea.

You'll be knackered one or two weeks after delivery, mentally amd physically.

Your son won't miss the event at all. In the wider context of his childhood, this is one single day he can easily survive without experiencing.

I actually can't quite understand how it came to be that you are giving this any consideration at all.

Your husband is speaking sense here.

why isnt the baby welcome? Its a bit odd having a family event yet not all the family is welcome?

The year is 2025. Why all the pressure being put on mums not to be allowed a couple of hours away from baby if they feel up to it? IF the OP can organise it well enough and feels well enough then that’s fine surely. Some responses here are bordering on misogyny.

I really couldn't have done this with either of mine. It's not just about breastfeeding (which, if you plan to do that, is unlikely to be fully established and plain sailing by week 2), it's your physical healing, and your emotional state - I couldn't have been apart from my newborns for longer than half an hour at that stage without losing my mind.

I also agree with pps that it's not the best thing for the baby. Yes yes, dad will look after the baby etc, but at two weeks old you are all he or she has ever known or understands, and personally I think it's cruel to just disappear for so long. I'm sure I'll get a roasting for saying that.

I would consider how difficult it would be if you needed to cancel eg would a lot of money have been paid upfront for your ticket or something?

If cancelling at short notice is going to cause massive disruption then it's probably better to bow out now as it will be hard for you to be completely certain you can go.

Otherwise you can see how you feel nearer the time?

Agree with all of this.

If you can, fabulous. I know I wouldn't of been able to due to much of the above.

If nothing else, if your sleep is deprived, then driving the (unspecified) distance maybe a big issue.