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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do a day out without newborn weeks after birth?

259 replies

honeymelina · 07/10/2025 13:40

There is a big family get together coming soon that my family has been planning for long time. Many relatives will come, there will be food and children playing, all that kind of thing. It is exactly the type of day my DS would love and I would like to go too. With the drive and everything we would be out most of the day, maybe from 10 in the morning until around 4.

By that time the baby will be around one or two weeks old. I am being induced for medical reasons in next few days so the time is already quite certain, let’s not get into that. I am not really worried about if I can manage physically, my mum will be there and I can sit down if I need, but I think more if it is realistic to leave the newborn at home with DH for that long. He is fine with it but says when baby is here I probably will not want to go.

For feeding I can pump while we are out and also leave some milk already at home, so that part is okay. But I keep thinking maybe it is too soon to be away the whole day. The main thing is I would like to spend some nice time with DS and it’s an important event for my family. I would not take the baby because it is not really the right place, and I cannot just send DS without me.

So AIBU to think I can do it? Has anyone done something similar soon after birth and it was alright?

OP posts:
Allswellthatendswelll · 07/10/2025 14:58

DH sits in cafe with baby?

At 2 weeks PP my SIL did a wedding but her Mum was upstairs with baby.

Have you pumped before? I never got much even though I Ebf very successfully? Are you planning to combi feed?

I honestly think you won't want to when it comes to it tbh.

basebar · 07/10/2025 14:59

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 07/10/2025 14:50

It could be a school trip.

With her whole extended family? 😂

Allswellthatendswelll · 07/10/2025 14:59

Frankblackwife · 07/10/2025 14:50

Left my first to go to a gig at a couple of months old, she was fine with my sister.

2 months and 2 weeks pp is a huge difference though! Also my induction took 5 days so it could be a week pp.

RedNine · 07/10/2025 15:00

Frankblackwife · 07/10/2025 14:55

Holy crap who was that poster who went water skiing or something. It's going to drive me mad.

Mozhe. I nearly had the spelling right.

nowinetimeforme · 07/10/2025 15:01

I think feeding the newborn will be an issue if you are BFing. Introducing a bottle at this age could cause problems for your BFing going forward. I think it's unlikely I'd feel comfortable going if I were Bfing.

TravelPanic · 07/10/2025 15:04

I know lots of “chilled” mums who wanted their independence back fairly soon, but I don’t know anyone who would have left their newborn for a day at 2 weeks!

Feels pretty extreme as a plan and don’t know why you’d want to go to those lengths unless it was a medical emergency for your eldest.

I definitely wouldn’t have been able to do it physically or emotionally (my second is now 4 months old and I wouldn’t want to leave him for more than 3 hours, or go further than a few miles), but you should have some idea from your first how you’d feel.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 07/10/2025 15:04

I don't understand why you can't take the baby with you.

Personally I wouldn't have been comfortable leaving either of mine for that long at that stage. An hour or two, sure, but not 6 hours.

Frankblackwife · 07/10/2025 15:05

RedNine · 07/10/2025 15:00

Mozhe. I nearly had the spelling right.

Show quote history

Ah when the Internet had a sense of humour, sigh

Talipesmum · 07/10/2025 15:12

I don’t think I could have managed this so soon. I did take very new baby along to this sort of thing myself, but I appreciate that’s not what you’re asking. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to pump enough at that stage. And I wouldn’t have been up for driving myself more than a v short distance either - was still finding sitting pretty uncomfortable. It’s more the drive I’d be worried about rather than the being there. I’d perhaps go for less time rather than the whole day. But if it’s a long drive that’s not practical. But also if it's a long drive that in itself would put me off. (I’m normally perfectly happy to drive long distances - but I remember I didn’t feel up to it v soon after the birth).

RainySeattle · 07/10/2025 15:20

I think you’ll feel rotten tbh, physically and probably emotionally too. Plus the stress of leading up to will impact on your first few days with your baby.

i think the family member not allowing you to bring your tiny baby to their wedding (?) should have a re-think. They’re acting appalling (whether consciously or not).

Hoppinggreen · 07/10/2025 15:22

I would have done it but my 2 were FF from day 1

TheDenimPoet · 07/10/2025 15:23

I would say either your husband goes or your mum looks after your older child for the day. Baby would be fine with your husband, but I'm not sure you'd be as physically fit as you think, and it could spoil your child's day if you're not at your best. They could probably do with a day without mum/dad/baby given how the first few weeks with a newborn can be!

Tillow4ever · 07/10/2025 15:23

First of all, good luck with the impending induction and birth!

I personally would lean towards a no. Ask if they would be ok either way you deciding on the day - if they are, do that! If they need to know for certain now I would say no as there are just too many things you can’t possibly know at this stage.

It is a shame your DH can’t take your son as this would be the most obvious solution so that everyone gets what they need. Is there definitely no way that this could happen? I appreciate it’s your family, but your husband is now a part of that family and I’d be very disappointed with my family if they had invited me and my children but didn’t include my husband and newborn baby in the invite. If your husband wanted to go and take one of your children to a party on his side of the family and told you that you were not invited and neither was your other child, how would you feel? I can only assume that your husband isn’t the father of your older child as that’s the only logical reason I can think of… but even then as a blended family I’d hope my family would have accepted my new husband!

Back to the question, I’d seriously think about the breastfeeding side of things. I was told if I wanted it to be successful, don’t introduce a bottle before a month old. I was told that babies don’t have to work as hard to get the milk from a bottle, so will refuse the boob in favour of a bottle if introduced before you’ve fully established BF. If you’re ok with that, as long as you are physically well I don’t see why you can’t go… but you may well be exhausted, in pain or just not wanting to leave your baby. Or your child might not want to go if it means leaving the baby at home!

PonkyPonky · 07/10/2025 15:24

I don’t think it’s fair on the baby. They are still very much part of you during the fourth trimester. I think it would be very hard for a newborn to not have mum around for a full day for comfort. I’d be surprised if breastfeeding was established enough for a decent milk stash at only a week postpartum. And that’s without considering if you have healed enough by that point. I think you need to rethink this.

Foreverexhausted1 · 07/10/2025 15:27

I wouldn't have been able to leave any of mine after only a couple of weeks, I wasn't emotionally ready for that and you may find that while you feel ok about it now, you might feel differently after baby is here. I also had a emergency C-section and another baby was born without the ability to feed and we were in hospital for almost 2 weeks while he was tube fed so you just don't know how it is going to go. I think whatever you decide, make sure you do what feels right to you and for your little family. Everyone else can wait at this time. Good luck with everything

BonfireNight1993 · 07/10/2025 15:32

I could have done this with DD1, fairly easily. I think it's impossible to know until they're born, but it's perfectly reasonable to plan to do it, as long as you're willing to cancel if you need to.

BoredZelda · 07/10/2025 15:37

basebar · 07/10/2025 13:46

Possibly not a very popular view but I do think a newborn belongs with the mum if at all possible.

Can’t the baby go with you?

Not unpopular, just plain wrong.

Oaktreet · 07/10/2025 15:39

Can you play it by ear? Birth and babies aren't very predictable things.

Hoppinggreen · 07/10/2025 15:40

BoredZelda · 07/10/2025 15:37

Not unpopular, just plain wrong.

Show quote history

You are

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 07/10/2025 15:40

honeymelina · 07/10/2025 13:50

The options here are: I go with my son or he can’t go. Without going into details, derailing or making it outing, there isn’t a way to leave my son with my mum for the event or send my husband or take the baby. I simply mean, is the plan as it is, to go with just DS and myself, without DH and baby, ok or unreasonable?

Why can’t you just all go together?

AnotherEmma · 07/10/2025 15:40

This thread is ridiculous. A PP even mentioned "misogyny" because some people dared to point out that a newborn baby has a stronger bond with its mother - who gestated and birthed the baby and is now breastfeeding, literally nourishing the baby with her own body - than with its father. That's biological reality, yup, in 2025.

I think you'd be mad to do this, OP, as it would be hard on both you and the newborn, and I can't imagine why it would be worth it. However, you are stubbornly refusing to give any more "irrelevant" details about the context so it's impossible for us to understand why on earth you think it's a good idea.

travelallthetime · 07/10/2025 15:42

ive had two relatively easy deliveries, my second was over and done with in about 2 hours with all of ten minutes of pushing. I felt crap after though, worse than the 24 hour mamoth event my first made it to be! I also had really bad after pains, they were just as bad as actual contractions for about a week after.

Franpie · 07/10/2025 15:43

I think in all likelihood, the baby will be a complete nightmare to look after for that long, that young. They will be crying for their mum and your boob most of the time. I wouldn’t want to be your DH that’s for sure but if he’s fine with it then go ahead.

Can you not just see how you both are feeling at the time and if needs be, your DH can take your DS or you all go as a family?

Allswellthatendswelll · 07/10/2025 15:44

AnotherEmma · 07/10/2025 15:40

This thread is ridiculous. A PP even mentioned "misogyny" because some people dared to point out that a newborn baby has a stronger bond with its mother - who gestated and birthed the baby and is now breastfeeding, literally nourishing the baby with her own body - than with its father. That's biological reality, yup, in 2025.

I think you'd be mad to do this, OP, as it would be hard on both you and the newborn, and I can't imagine why it would be worth it. However, you are stubbornly refusing to give any more "irrelevant" details about the context so it's impossible for us to understand why on earth you think it's a good idea.

Yep I think it's kind of misogynistic to expect women to just "bounce back" and fit in.

Dogaredabomb · 07/10/2025 15:45

It's fine to go and the baby will recover but your tits will explode.

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