To do a day out without newborn weeks after birth?

[honeymelina]

There is a big family get together coming soon that my family has been planning for long time. Many relatives will come, there will be food and children playing, all that kind of thing. It is exactly the type of day my DS would love and I would like to go too. With the drive and everything we would be out most of the day, maybe from 10 in the morning until around 4.

By that time the baby will be around one or two weeks old. I am being induced for medical reasons in next few days so the time is already quite certain, let’s not get into that. I am not really worried about if I can manage physically, my mum will be there and I can sit down if I need, but I think more if it is realistic to leave the newborn at home with DH for that long. He is fine with it but says when baby is here I probably will not want to go.

For feeding I can pump while we are out and also leave some milk already at home, so that part is okay. But I keep thinking maybe it is too soon to be away the whole day. The main thing is I would like to spend some nice time with DS and it’s an important event for my family. I would not take the baby because it is not really the right place, and I cannot just send DS without me.

So AIBU to think I can do it? Has anyone done something similar soon after birth and it was alright?

You'll have to do mixed feeding from birth, the baby won't take a one off bottle, the latch is different. I've just had my GC while my DD went on holiday, but I never had them before six weeks because she wanted to fully BF. As said you'll need to pump when there.

I feel like everyone saying of course, no big deal, baby is with their father, has never breastfed before.

It's not unreasonable, but it's pretty unrealistic. Even if you feel absolutely fine, you'll be hormonal, your hormones will stop you from wanting to be away for six hours, you won't have much of a stash for breastfeeding yet, your baby may not take bottles, and you won't really have established pumping.

You may also find DS does not want to go without the baby; mine didn't - he got very upset when he was separated from newborn DD!

I could physically have done it two weeks after both of my sections but emotionally, it'd have been a no-go; and practically it wouldn't have worked either.

If you do go, be really careful around the risk of mastitis. It kicks in quickly and is not fun.

Mostly I’d agree but at two weeks I do think they need their mother, to be honest. Anyone else is a stranger.

If you could all go ir would probably be easier- purely because you wouldn’t need to pump when there.

Whether you go by yourself with your son would depend on the drive and your recovery. I was really heavily bleeding for about 3 weeks after both of mine and wouldn’t have felt up to this- especially as my hormones would have been everywhere and I’d be leaking milk.

The plan is unreasonable. A newborn should not be left without their mother that long unless unavoidable (I mean like medical reasons, not to attend a party or a wedding or an audition or whatever).

Yes you can pump milk but milk is not only for nutrition.
I would send apologies now and you can arrange a separate treat/outing focussing on existing DC.

I guess it's fine if you really want to, but I also don't understand why you can't take the baby? Do you think it will be too loud/boisterous? It sounds like some kind of family reunion.

I wouldn't have gone without my newborn if I was in your situation. Even if it meant leaving earlier to take breaks during the drive, and having DH babywear at the event so I could spend time with DS. I just would not have wanted to be away for so long. And newborns are the least disruptive kind of baby, they just want to snuggle and feed. I don't understand, but that's not a reason for you not to do it.

Do you really need to decide now?

My answer is focus on you, your induction and baby.

If you feel up to it on the day of the event - go. If you don’t - don’t go.

Why can’t you take the baby? It’s a family event with kids? If it’s choice fair enough but I’d just take the baby and DH can do most of the car while you dip in and out looking after baby.

Absolutely cannot fathom not taking my newborn. Have 3 dcs and would not be apart from them for first 6 months. Appreciate others are different but you couldn’t pay me all the money in the world to be away from my 2 week baby

I wouldn't have left mine for that long at 1 or 2 weeks old. You're still establishing feeding and they may not even take a bottle. Even if DH is perfectly competent (and mine was) I wouldn't have wanted to be away from my newborn.

I wonder if the family aren’t aware the baby exists?!

I wouldn’t do this, a newborn should be with their mum unless there’s an emergency.

Taking your ds to a party is not a good enough reason imo.

Plus you don’t know that physically you’ll be fine 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't have thought twice about this and would go as a family. My first baby had been to 3 weddings by the time they were 2 weeks old! As long as you are prepared to change plans if either of you aren't well/healed.

I would have done it and would have been fine even after a c section both times. You sound like you want to go and I agree it will be great for your toddler to have 1:1 mum time! Newborn will be absolutely fine with father.

@Squishydishylove the conspiracy theories! Not sure which would give it away faster: my giant postpartum boobies or my DS showing off, if the baby was a secret.

It sounds like the OPs going to a wedding - possibly sister (?) as that would explain why her mum cant have her child.

This is about leaving the baby not taking the baby to a do.

Honestly, no I wouldn't leave a young newborn if I didn't have to. I'd be worried about the impact on them and on establishing feeding.

It seems odd to me that the family won't want to see the baby, or that a family event wouldn't include your dp?

Likely you will be exhausted, still bleeding from the birth and trying to establish feeding. So I wouldn't commit to going at all yet.

Why can’t you say why the baby can’t go? It would be easier to answer with context.

Maybe the event includes one of those high-maintenance relatives who 'can't be around newborns because it's triggering, blah blah blah'.

@NerrSnerr I’m sticking to the topic of the question, whether I can go given the arrangements suggested (just me and DS). The questions about why the arrangements are what they are, are just from curiosity and distract. I need answers on the main topic and not to fuel irrelevant discussion. But I did find the conspiracy theory funny so commented.

Yeah I think it’s unreasonable & unrealistic to leave a newborn all day.

You can plan to go but if it turns out you’re not up to it or don’t feel like it near the time people would understand. No issue baby having day with dad. I went out for the day to see a matinee with my mam about 6 weeks after my daughter was born. I really enjoyed myself and she had was fine with her dad.

I think you will just have to see after the baby is here. I wasn't oyt of hospital for three weeks after both my children. But i know people who popped their kids out and were walking about doing normal stuff the next day.