AIBU to want the nursery to offer him different food?

[LilacPomPom]

I have a 17mo old son who attends nursery twice a week for half days (Tuesday 8-1 & Thursday 8-1).
These are not funded hours at all and are entirely paid by myself & my partner for the small fortune of over £400+ a month.

When we looked around the nursery, I was in awe of the menu and how established it was with a variety of foods and I found it quite fancy. It has a “home cooked” kind of vibe to it but with extras so instead of a beef bolognaise, he’s offered lamb (which I think is slightly odd as it’s not what I would expect from a Spag Bol essentially).

Since September, my LO barely eats there. We’ve changed his diet at home to eating what me & my partner eat and he does really well. He’s a bit funny with textures but he has changed drastically and does brilliantly at home.

He rarely eats at nursery. Out of the whole of September, he’s eaten 2-3 portions of breakfast and maybe the mash from a lunch or the plain pasta from lunch. Today, I’ve looked on the nursery app to see if he’d eaten breakfast. Nope.

i’m a little irked that they don’t offer him anything else. He’s offered one option of “beans on toast” and if he doesn’t eat it, he’s not offered cereal (which I know he would eat at least some of) or anything else. The same applies for lunch too. I’m not allowed to bring food into the nursery for them to give like a box of cereal or the bread he has at home (just even silly things like that) due to allergies in the nursery.

i’m getting a bit annoyed that we’re paying all the money and he’s not even being offered an alternative and he’s just not eating and their happy with that. I’m unsure whether to make a comment to them about just offering him something else. Like, today he was given Beans on Toast. He ate none. However, I know that he eats toast with butter all the time and he has had beans before, just mashed into a potato.

AIBU to expect them to at least offer an alternative and be upset that they’re literally not phased if he doesn’t eat at nursery especially when I’m paying the full price for his hours? (we’re one of maybe 5 families who get no funded hours at all).

I know the money thing shouldn’t make a difference but there’s also a few little things that we can/can’t do as we’re not funded. All children, regardless of financial status, should be entitled to healthy and nutritious food - it just stings a little that we’re paying for the addition of food (compulsory) and he’s not eating anything.

Much as I get your frustration @LilacPomPom, there possibly isn't always another option/enough of a second option left/enough money to keep offering children different choices.

They can't just keep offering all the kids different foods until they eat something!

I agree with PP. Also, I think it's quite common kids to eat less at nursery. There's so much going on, they don't want to sit and eat, they want to get on playing with their little pals.

I think its fair to ask them to offer same foods differently - so for example my DD wouldn't eat beans on toast but would quite happily eat toast with butter, and beans from a bowl. Or offer him some fruit. But unless there is a medical need, can't be asking for completly different food to be prepared.

I understand your frustration but if he eats what you and his dad eat at home and you don't offer an alternative then I'm unsure why you're expecting the nursery to do the opposite?

They cannot offer alternatives for every meal and doing so will most likely lead to him expecting alternatives to be offered at home too.

My guess would be that they don't want to "train" kids into holding out for a better option. You think it's likely he would be ok with the beans on toast- he's had beans before and likes toast. Id guess he's overstimulated and doesnt want to eat.

If he eats toast because he is used to having that at home, feed him baked beans that aren’t mashed into a potato at home. Same with the lunches he is being offered. If the problem isn’t that the foods are unfamiliar but that he just doesn’t want to eat when he’s there offering alternatives wouldn’t make any difference

It is your job to get your child to try new things not theirs they dont have a supermarket out back for all the kids individual tastes

The downside of mass catering. It does seem on the face of it very simple for beans to be served in a separate bowl. But if Jimmy wants his beans separate, Jess wants only beans, Jake wants his with no butter... very quickly it becomes unmanageable.

I think encouraging him to join in with the group meal is the way to go. Maybe try some of the foods at home, so he's used to them?

I don’t think you can expect them to keep offering him alternative after alternative until he eats a quantity you’re happy with. They couldn’t do that for every child! Apart from the time involved, they’d need to charge everyone more to cover the food waste.

It doesn’t matter if all he eats at nursery is some plain pasta; that’s enough to keep him going and he eats at home when he’s less distracted.

The issue is probably the setting at nursery not the food. So even if they gave him other food he usually eats he probably wouldn't eat it there anyway?

Yes it's annoying you are paying but honestly 2 half days a week don't think you need to worry about him starving.

This is quite normal when you have kids unnecessary pointless expenses but you just can't help it.

Of course they can't give every kid something else 🙄

I think it’s a bit much to expect the nursery to remember that Jonny will only eat beans from a bowl, Annie has to have her toast cut into fingers and Evie can only eat plain toast cut into triangles, and so on for every child in the nursery.

If beans on toast is a regular meal at the nursery, why not start eating that at home so that ordinary beans that are not mashed into a potato become familiar to him?

Feed your child before taking them to nursery? I'm flabbergasted by this tbh, offering an alternative is often what leads to entrenched fussy eating.

I think for two half days it’s good for him to be exposed to foods he isn’t readily scoffing. It’s actually worse to stop exposure unless you have absolutely no choice. It drives fussy eating.

Our nursery will offer a sandwich if they don’t eat the main lunch provided but that’s it.
I couldn’t imagine how difficult it would be and how much time it would take to offer multiple different foods to different children at every meal. Not to mention the staff trying to determine if the child isn’t eating because they aren’t hungry, are distracted, not feeling well etc etc it’s not manageable in a group setting unfortunately.

if he was there all day I’d be a bit more concerned but I’m assuming you’re giving him a decent breakfast and a big lunch when you pick him up?

DS would never eat bread, he got bread with every meal until he ate it - literally one slice on the side - i didn’t want him struggling with lunches when he went to school!!

Why not copy the menu at home so he sees beans on toast as a normal meal??

Maybe get a Nanny instead of sending to nursery.

If they offer an alternative for your child, then they have to do the same for every child and before they know it they have 30 kids eating 30 different breakfasts. It’s just not possible in a childcare setting with staff to child ratios.

Why is he not funded?

why is it an issue though?

he’s only there 5 hours, twice a week. He isn’t going to starve any time soon if he eats well at home. As op have said, it may not be the food, it might be the new, interesting environment distracting him and he prefers to be playing than eating.

if he were there 8-6 every day and not eating I’d maybe discuss some approaches, and likely they would be more concerned. But not eating much twice a week is not really a problem.

do you feed him breakfast before he goes? If he isn’t hungry he won’t be interested in breakfast number 2. You could feed him before and after if you are concerned, but otherwise I think you’re being a bit precious thinking someone should be making alternatives and trying to force a child to eat.

It’s two half days a week, he’s not going to starve. If you want personalised care, pay for a nanny.

All children, regardless of financial status, should be entitled to healthy and nutritious food - it just stings a little that we’re paying for the addition of food (compulsory) and he’s not eating anything

He is being supplied healthy nutritious food. He just isn't eating it and news flash but your child isn't special enough that they should be making alternatives for him. They cant do that for every kid that decides they dont want beans on toast today.

Its 2 mornings a week and he’s choosing not to eat it, so he’s clearly not that hungry.

My LO has food allergies and is also noticing that she sometimes gets different food and she’s hates it, she’d rather just be the same.

Be grateful you don’t have that issue

I'd ask if they can offer the parts of the meal individually eg pasta is always plain with sauce on the side, bread plain and beans on the side. And I'd always make sure he has a bit of breakfast before he goes in. Do they give a mid morning snack? And fruit/yoghurt for pudding? Maybe milk also? Our nursery used to do those so that even if they didn't eat much at meals, they'd get something. As he's only in for mornings, I wouldn't worry too much about it. It may not be the slightly fancier food (eg lamb spag bol) but just the environment, the busy-ness, the food being generally a bit different from home etc.

I think you are being a bit ridiculous , if you are that bothered just tell them that for breakfast you’d rather he just had buttered toast or cereal and I’m sure they could cater for that . I would not expect a nursery to keep offering alternatives as they would be doing meals all day if all the kids were wanting something different , not to mention the amount of food waste .

1. It's a nursery, not a restaurant.

2. What difference does it make whether you get 'funded hours' or not? Are you expecting a premium service?