AIBU to want the nursery to offer him different food?

[LilacPomPom]

I have a 17mo old son who attends nursery twice a week for half days (Tuesday 8-1 & Thursday 8-1).
These are not funded hours at all and are entirely paid by myself & my partner for the small fortune of over £400+ a month.

When we looked around the nursery, I was in awe of the menu and how established it was with a variety of foods and I found it quite fancy. It has a “home cooked” kind of vibe to it but with extras so instead of a beef bolognaise, he’s offered lamb (which I think is slightly odd as it’s not what I would expect from a Spag Bol essentially).

Since September, my LO barely eats there. We’ve changed his diet at home to eating what me & my partner eat and he does really well. He’s a bit funny with textures but he has changed drastically and does brilliantly at home.

He rarely eats at nursery. Out of the whole of September, he’s eaten 2-3 portions of breakfast and maybe the mash from a lunch or the plain pasta from lunch. Today, I’ve looked on the nursery app to see if he’d eaten breakfast. Nope.

i’m a little irked that they don’t offer him anything else. He’s offered one option of “beans on toast” and if he doesn’t eat it, he’s not offered cereal (which I know he would eat at least some of) or anything else. The same applies for lunch too. I’m not allowed to bring food into the nursery for them to give like a box of cereal or the bread he has at home (just even silly things like that) due to allergies in the nursery.

i’m getting a bit annoyed that we’re paying all the money and he’s not even being offered an alternative and he’s just not eating and their happy with that. I’m unsure whether to make a comment to them about just offering him something else. Like, today he was given Beans on Toast. He ate none. However, I know that he eats toast with butter all the time and he has had beans before, just mashed into a potato.

AIBU to expect them to at least offer an alternative and be upset that they’re literally not phased if he doesn’t eat at nursery especially when I’m paying the full price for his hours? (we’re one of maybe 5 families who get no funded hours at all).

I know the money thing shouldn’t make a difference but there’s also a few little things that we can/can’t do as we’re not funded. All children, regardless of financial status, should be entitled to healthy and nutritious food - it just stings a little that we’re paying for the addition of food (compulsory) and he’s not eating anything.

I think the problem with offering alternatives is you’ll then get 10-12 children clamouring for beans on toast instead of sticky chicken with pepper and rice or whatever they’ve been given!

I actually had the opposite - I struggled a lot with feeding DS as a toddler (not now he’s four; there is hope out there!) and was always fervently grateful for the fact he’d eat everything at nursery for three days a week! My DD is a bit more hit and miss but I think with toddlers we just have to accept some days they barely seem to eat enough to keep a sparrow alive and other days they’ll gobble everything enthusiastically!

I am a bit surprised that they aren't separating out the beans and the toast so he could have some toast without beans if he wanted - are you sure they aren't? As others have said, I think he probably wouldn't be eating anything they gave him, but will probably settle into it.

I would really recommend that you do persist with trying to get him to eat what everyone else does - I think that's such a good lesson for them at nursery age. At my kids' school children tend to have either gone to one of a few local nurseries or the local preschool - all the nurseries serve meals, the preschool kids take a packed lunch. It has been really striking in both of my kids' classes how many of the kids from preschool won't eat school dinners, and their parents send in a lunch rather than have the (free!) school food, because their kids 'wouldn't touch it' because it would be too unfamiliar (it is pretty standard school food). Almost without exception, the kids from private nursery eat school food - they're used to the concept that you don't always get to pick exactly what your food is, that you have to try new things, eat the bits you do like, etc. I don't think deferring that down the line is very helpful.

Oh, and to mention - I’m sorry if I boil your blood but I’m not asking for a whole meal to be made for my kid, I just wanted it to be separated so he can choose which bits to eat. According to the menu, there’s only one option offered. Also, to the individual who said that “if he only does x days..” both me and my partner work. Those are my set days and I work 12.5 shifts whilst my partner works a half day Tuesday and I work a Wednesday night, then continue care for him after nursery on a Thursday morning.

it’s just frustrating when you pay for nursery (which is extortionate for everyone) and then get told repeatedly: he didn’t touch any food, he didn’t eat any lunch etc. & you can’t remove the consumables off your bill (flat fee).

You think they should be refunding you for food he was offered but didn't eat?!

Food often isn't included with funded hours?

You’re being completely reasonable about this OP. You’re paying 400/month for just two mornings!! That’s insane. If they don’t have enough staff to make sure the kids are eating properly then they should hire more.

No, I referenced a comment made earlier.

They sound shit tbh. It's not acting like it's a restaurant to say that a child who won't eat should be given bread, cereal or fruit and I wouldn't be impressed if they let him go hungry. But of course you'll get a load of responses saying you should know your place and accept whatever you're given.

I really don't think it's up to nursery to keep offering alternatives. Especially as your LO ends the day at 1pm so even though it's frustrating for you that he won't eat, it's not like he'll starve? It may be that he's still settling in or needs to be doing longer days there to feel more 'at home' and comfortable with their menu etc.

Oh, I have! I don’t want him eating differently as it would cause too much agro amongst little kids. Just wanted him to have the toast on the side as he eats toast, by choice, about three times a week (even sometimes plain if he’s wanting it)

To be fair if he was there all day he'd presumably be offered another meal, an afternoon snack etc - and would almost certainly get hungry enough for those. I agree that they'd be much more concerned if he was refusing food all day rather than just all morning, but I think that's fair!

Some cereals are fine. He will learn to eat when he's ready, every kid does not have to be on the same timetable.

I think this is such a great lesson for our kids, who are growing up so very privileged in every way compared to so many around the world

No, it's letting a kid go hungry when they don't need to, which is actually fucking stupid when you consider we live in a rich country and kids should be fed. I've lived "around the world" in countries with many hungry children. Acting like this lazy nursery is somehow teaching OP's extremely young son any of kind of empathy for them or understanding is farcical.

To put it another way, she's paying a bit under £10 an hour. Nursery is one of those things where the cost to parents is huge (we've just finished paying for nursery and my god has it improved our lives!) but the actual price you're paying doesn't reasonably cover the premium service many people expect.

Yeah, I can't see why anyone with a grain of sense would object to this. Mumsnet is turning into a more vindictive place by the day.

Surely they could just offer him toast without the beans? Have you asked them to do that?

You want her to feed him lunch before he goes to nursery? Presumably he has breakfast - I’m so confused as to what you’re saying here

The cost seems reasonable to me? Each morning is 5 hours, so 10 hours a week which is 43.33 hours per month. £400 per month is less than £10 per hour to look after a child?

I also think that it's a reasonable and fair request (and at the nursery we used it would have happened by default) but it's not what the OP said she wanted in her initial post - she said, four times, that she wanted him to be given 'an alternative' or different food entirely. Which has obviously then shaped the conversation that followed, as that isn't a reasonable request.

Sorry I'm going to be critical again, but I'm really surprised when you say you "changed his diet" - I assume since September when he started nursery based on your posts - by not mashing up his food and giving him the same food as you, when your son is 17 months old.

That is really late, mashed food is usually when weaning until about 1 year old top. Family dinners can be adapted from the the same age (minus salt and spices). If he's only just starting on normal food and bits, it is normal that he is struggling at nursery.

Just give it time. And your expectations are a bit too high I'm afraid, nothing your nursery is doing is completely out of the ordinary. You can always look for alternatives if your not happy though.

She says she doesn't give breakfast before nursery.

I did what was best for me and my situation. He had solids from 6 months and we experimented with textures.

I have a fussy eater so I have sympathy with you, OP. But I wouldn't personally be bothered about my child having two mornings a week from 8-1 when they don't eat anything. It's not ideal but it's not a welfare concern in the way that it would be if he was attending 8-6 five days a week.

I've reached the stage with my older one where quite often they don't eat anything at all at school. So they're going 8.30-3.30pm just drinking water, Mon-Fri. Then they come home and eat me out of house and home! It's annoying but I've just decided it's what it is. A child won't starve because they fast for 7 hours out of the day, and it doesn't seem to be affecting DC1's energy levels or academic performance.

I take the view that I'm paying for DC1 to be exposed to different types of food, even if ultimately none is eaten. I just cook a very large dinner every night!

My experience is that it’s normal for there to be one alternative offered, alongside healthy, picky foods like breadsticks, fruit, yoghurt etc. Alternative might be a different meal, sometimes at big nurseries the kitchen might make two mains to accommodate dietary types. Or it could be something that just gets their tummies full, like a jam sandwich. Ultimately a child that’s grumpy with hunger isn’t in anyone’s interests. It’s also normal for there to be a substantial morning and afternoon snack, so lunch time isn’t the only point in the day your child might be eating.

It might be the routine.
On arrival... either upset and not wanting to eat, or excited and just wanting to play.
Then knowing that lunch means Mummy/Daddy is coming. So not wanting to eat as they will give him food at home. Or maybe overtired if he's not sleeping well there.

And that's fine. But there is a very reasonable explanation then for your child not eating the nursery meals. And the issue aren't the meals.
Give him time to explore the new flavours and texture, he could pick it up very quickly.