AIBU to want the nursery to offer him different food?

[LilacPomPom]

I have a 17mo old son who attends nursery twice a week for half days (Tuesday 8-1 & Thursday 8-1).
These are not funded hours at all and are entirely paid by myself & my partner for the small fortune of over £400+ a month.

When we looked around the nursery, I was in awe of the menu and how established it was with a variety of foods and I found it quite fancy. It has a “home cooked” kind of vibe to it but with extras so instead of a beef bolognaise, he’s offered lamb (which I think is slightly odd as it’s not what I would expect from a Spag Bol essentially).

Since September, my LO barely eats there. We’ve changed his diet at home to eating what me & my partner eat and he does really well. He’s a bit funny with textures but he has changed drastically and does brilliantly at home.

He rarely eats at nursery. Out of the whole of September, he’s eaten 2-3 portions of breakfast and maybe the mash from a lunch or the plain pasta from lunch. Today, I’ve looked on the nursery app to see if he’d eaten breakfast. Nope.

i’m a little irked that they don’t offer him anything else. He’s offered one option of “beans on toast” and if he doesn’t eat it, he’s not offered cereal (which I know he would eat at least some of) or anything else. The same applies for lunch too. I’m not allowed to bring food into the nursery for them to give like a box of cereal or the bread he has at home (just even silly things like that) due to allergies in the nursery.

i’m getting a bit annoyed that we’re paying all the money and he’s not even being offered an alternative and he’s just not eating and their happy with that. I’m unsure whether to make a comment to them about just offering him something else. Like, today he was given Beans on Toast. He ate none. However, I know that he eats toast with butter all the time and he has had beans before, just mashed into a potato.

AIBU to expect them to at least offer an alternative and be upset that they’re literally not phased if he doesn’t eat at nursery especially when I’m paying the full price for his hours? (we’re one of maybe 5 families who get no funded hours at all).

I know the money thing shouldn’t make a difference but there’s also a few little things that we can/can’t do as we’re not funded. All children, regardless of financial status, should be entitled to healthy and nutritious food - it just stings a little that we’re paying for the addition of food (compulsory) and he’s not eating anything.

We’ve changed his diet at home to eating what me & my partner eat and he does really well

So at home you're trying to get him to eat what you and your partner eat but at nursery you want them to offer him alternatives?!

Also, why not just give him breakfast before he goes and lunch when you pick him up?

What do you mean by you’ve changed his diet at him to eating what you eat, what did he eat before if it wasn’t what you eat? If the nursery has standard meals then I’m not sure what the issue is, you’d expect most kids to eat bolognese or beans on toast, maybe it’s that he isn’t wanting to eat in the nursery setting rather then the food itself?

Yes, yabu.

Aeven if the nursery had the money and the staff to offer your child seconds options, it’s hardly a good habit. If you don’t eat your dinner, you get a different dinner.

I think it’s a really good idea to look at the nursery menu and incorporate some of the meals they serve there in to your meal planning at home.

I would ask them just to give him toast and butter, no beans

absolutely should not be offering cereal instead of beans on toast. because then they would all refuse a proper breakfast for cereal.

If he doesn't eat and isn't starving it's fine. If he was hungry enough he would eat.

For £400 a month for two half days a week they can fucking try.

Don't have time for individuality my arse. They are in loco-parentis and need to do better.

Get a good childminder or nanny share, OP. You won't get this shit from them and some will ask you to send food anyway.

Why I never used a nursery reason 145.

also its only been a month, let him get into the routine of it and seeing all the other children eat. if he realises there is nothing else on offer an the other children are eating, its likely he will eat eventually.

No, they can't. It would be impossible to, in your words, fucking try, to provide this level of care/service for every child.

Hence, don't use a nursery. Good childminders or nannies are worth their weigh in gold.

it just stings a little that we’re paying for the addition of food (compulsory) and he’s not eating anything

it’s your child that is not eating anything. His decision.

if the nursery weren’t feeding him you’d have a point. But they are, and your child is refusing to eat it.

maybe explain to him if he doesn’t eat it you’ll be taking it out of his future wages, if the money is so important.

if you like the nursery it is worth every bite of food wasted. If the food issue is that important change nursery.

So do you sit with your child at every mealtime offering alternatives until they eat? How long does that take you? What happens if they refuse absolutely everything except chocolate buttons? Or will only eat toast for months?

what if they don’t eat the food you send? Are the expected to keep coming up with alternatives?

my child would only eat toast one day, the refuse to even look at it for a week. Broccoli was the favourite one week, then nope.

it is not good parenting to keep offering different food until they eat.

Yeah, this. It's part of nursery childcare. If you want someone to cook specific meals for your child you need childcare that permits a packed lunch sending with them e.g. some other nurseries and some childminders, or you pay a nanny.

If @LilacPomPom wants personalised care that's probably her best option. That said, many childminders will have a few minds, and don't want to pander too much either - OP could provide her son's own food though.

Hang on though, he’s only there 10 hours a week?! It’s not like he’s skipping every meal is it.

Well they can’t force him, or cater to what he ‘might’ eat. Imagine if they did that for every child.

Worrying as it is to imagine your child not eating when they’re not with you- food is provided. He is not starving. He’s hardly there, so just make sure he eats well the rest of the time.

It doesn’t make a difference whether he’s a ‘funded’ place or not. Are you saying they should offer him a tailored menu just because you pay more than someone who is eligible for government help?

He’s small and it’s very early days. If he’s been at home with you until now 1-1 getting used to noise and sounds of nursery is a big change.
Does he need to do 8-1 eg could you take later and have breakfast at home.
Can you check with his key worker what exactly happening explaining he eats beans on toast at home. Can you serve yours same as nursery so he gets used to it.
I suspect it’s less about food and more about adjusting and will settle down.

And chances are he wouldn’t eat the food she sends- he’d want what everyone else is getting.

children are like that. Mine ate a huge range of food at school and nursery they wouldn’t touch at home. Reason 145 I sent them to nursery 😂

Possibly.

One thought about the lamb bolognaise - does the nursery have a Hindu contingent? This could be the reason.

It makes sense for them to offer all children some basic options/to serve food separately because there will be lots of children who don't like certain things/things touching.

With the beans I would expect them to put the beans in a bowl and toast on the side for every child and give them the choice as to whether they put the beans on the toast. Similarly with Bolognese I would expect them to offer plain pasta and mince to give each child the best chance of eating something.

I would also expect breakfast to include a fruit option or a fruit snack to be offered mid-morning.

It's a balance between being realistic with what you can offer when catering en masse but also understanding that lots of kids this age are fussy and making sure they eat something.

If they didn't like a new food they could have bread and butter after trying a small amount.

I'd just wonder how much they have time to even sit and help the kids to eat at a nursery, let alone offer an alternative. It doesn't sound like they are trying very hard though.

My childminder didn't do food so DDs would have what DH and I had the day before reheated for dinner and ate pretty well. I think that would be a better solution for OP.

Mine eats far more variety at nursery than he will at home 🫠 they offer things like Dahl or fish taco and he’ll devour it, if I tried he’d be packing a suitcase and googling for local families wishing to adopt.

OP it’s not even been that long. Give him a chance to settle in.

You’ve got a few options:

1 Send him in with a packed lunch & don’t pay for consumables.
2 Move him to a different childcare setting
3 Suck it up & maybe he’ll come through the other side having a wide exposure to different foods and textures.

The funding thing is a red herring. It means that you’re rich and therefore more avenues are open to you.

I think your expectations probably aren't realistic.

But then all the kids would ask for bread and butter or think it’s ok not to bother eating what’s offered, as they can just refuse and someone will give them something else. Children generally eat better in a social setting because they learn from their peers.

Mine absolutely loved rice at nursery wouldn’t touch it at home.
I’d expect him to be offered a meal not further options if don’t eat. They usually have fruit or yoghurt too. He will get used to it.
Have you checked set up with self feeding, cutlery etc. You mentioned texture it may be you are chopping more at home or helping him feed more than at nursery so it’s serving style not the actual food that’s throwing him.