AIBU to want the nursery to offer him different food?

[LilacPomPom]

I have a 17mo old son who attends nursery twice a week for half days (Tuesday 8-1 & Thursday 8-1).
These are not funded hours at all and are entirely paid by myself & my partner for the small fortune of over £400+ a month.

When we looked around the nursery, I was in awe of the menu and how established it was with a variety of foods and I found it quite fancy. It has a “home cooked” kind of vibe to it but with extras so instead of a beef bolognaise, he’s offered lamb (which I think is slightly odd as it’s not what I would expect from a Spag Bol essentially).

Since September, my LO barely eats there. We’ve changed his diet at home to eating what me & my partner eat and he does really well. He’s a bit funny with textures but he has changed drastically and does brilliantly at home.

He rarely eats at nursery. Out of the whole of September, he’s eaten 2-3 portions of breakfast and maybe the mash from a lunch or the plain pasta from lunch. Today, I’ve looked on the nursery app to see if he’d eaten breakfast. Nope.

i’m a little irked that they don’t offer him anything else. He’s offered one option of “beans on toast” and if he doesn’t eat it, he’s not offered cereal (which I know he would eat at least some of) or anything else. The same applies for lunch too. I’m not allowed to bring food into the nursery for them to give like a box of cereal or the bread he has at home (just even silly things like that) due to allergies in the nursery.

i’m getting a bit annoyed that we’re paying all the money and he’s not even being offered an alternative and he’s just not eating and their happy with that. I’m unsure whether to make a comment to them about just offering him something else. Like, today he was given Beans on Toast. He ate none. However, I know that he eats toast with butter all the time and he has had beans before, just mashed into a potato.

AIBU to expect them to at least offer an alternative and be upset that they’re literally not phased if he doesn’t eat at nursery especially when I’m paying the full price for his hours? (we’re one of maybe 5 families who get no funded hours at all).

I know the money thing shouldn’t make a difference but there’s also a few little things that we can/can’t do as we’re not funded. All children, regardless of financial status, should be entitled to healthy and nutritious food - it just stings a little that we’re paying for the addition of food (compulsory) and he’s not eating anything.

From a childcare provider perspective, and one who prepares the teas for 20+ children every night - it is hard enough work catering for 20+ children including multiple allergies of milk, nuts, egg, dairy plus dietary requirements for other children without adding in preferences.

I had a child last week tell me she doesn't like toast, after she said she didn't like what was prepared for everyone. Offered her beans/spaghetti on toast. She refused. Next day, didn't like tea option. Offered spaghetti/beans on toast again. She accepted as long as spaghetti wasn't touching the toast. I could manage that. She then told me I had made the BEST toast she had ever eaten. The toast that yesterday she was adamant she didn't like 🙈. Mum told me she does like toast, plain pasta, sandwiches etc.

If they allowed your child to have his preference they'd end up with the entire room full of children and all their parents clamoring for special food too.

YABVU

Tell your child that he needs to sit in his place and eat the food that's given to him, say please and thank you, and sit until he's told he can get up.

I disagree.

Who is to toast the bread and butter it while everyone else is serving the other kids, cleaning up spills, and supervision g behaviour?

It's completely unreasonable to tie one staff member up catering for a picky or not yet fully settled in child who is there for two half days a week. And next thing you know, the rest of the kids will want toast too, or they'll wonder why X is getting something special.

It's much easier to get a seldom-there child to settle in well if no allowances are made for home diet, pickiness, etc. (allergies aside).

Agree - twelve half days is not long enough for the DC to settle.

He probably doesn't even remember the previous day he was there so is distracted at snack and mealtime, taking everything in.

Remind him when you drop him off to eat his food. Eventually he'll manage to do it.

I didn't send my children to nursery at all; sahm so I'm not going to say anything about that. I have worked in a nursery when younger though and if a child didn't eat it was always given bread and butter and fruit so they atleast had something in their tummies. I think it's crazy to leave him with nothing! Can you have a grandma take care of him instead and maybe bring him to a playgroup to socialise? I just think this nursery is being difficult if they can't give bread and beans separately. Sorry, I'm not English but just the thought of beans on bread is enough for me to lose my appetite- but separately I would eat it just like your son.

He’s 17 months lol

If he's not eating the food then send a packed lunch for him, some nursery's will even microwave food for you that you send in but there are really good thermos containers too ... you cannot expect them to make him new food but you can send him some x

Lots of nurseries don’t allow this- including the OP’s, because of allergies in other children. Also especially with younger children it’s much better for them to be all given the same thing, as inevitably someone will have something in their pack up that another child wants.

I thin YABU. Unless there are allergies or dietary requirements, they shouldn't be offering children alternatives. In my opinion, that's how children get used to being picky. When they are hungry, they eat. I was almost the opposite - ot used to irk me when my kids aere offered a cheese sandwich because they didn't like the main course.

Hilarious isn’t it when nursies are complied to offer alternatives to suit children’s preferences but Mumsnet think they should come down on the 17-year-old like a tonne of bricks 🤣🤣

I don’t think he’d exactly say please, thank you and sit still through a whole meal 😂 The only reason he sits still at home is because he’s strapped in 😂

OP, I really wouldn’t worry - your DC won’t starve! My DD’s son never used to eat much at nursery - he’d eat whatever was for snack at break, but like your DC, would eat nothing much other than “white carbs”, and would be absolutely starving when he got home. His brother, on the other hand, eats everything in sight, and often has seconds. There’s not a lot the nursery can do about it - it’s just different children and their preferences. At least your DS only goes to nursery twice a week - my DGS was at nursery all day, every day. In the end, my DD just used to give him breakfast before he went, to ensure that he’d eaten something. He’s just not a big eater - some children aren’t.

YABU you’re being precious.

kids should eat most normal foods. It’s ridiculous you think they should be offering them a range of meals at every meal time

Did you read any of the other replies? I don’t want different foods, I want them separated so he can choose what he wants. Not expecting a whole different menu for my boy.

Those are completely normal foods for babies. Toddler and kids. I had the Joe wicks weaning book and annabel karmel and lots of mild veggie curry for babies, lentil bakes and fish cakes. All perfect soft foods for small people.

I think you are focusing on the wrong thing here, I wouldn’t be focusing on what you are going to get the nursery to change. Focus on what you are going to do at home to get him to see normal food as every day food. That would be my project instead.
its a good life skill to be an unfussy eater and it’s something you can support him with. It does sound like your weaning technique has hindered him a bit

Thank you for the advice. He eats well at home 😊

Well then it will come with time at nursery. Give it a bit longer and he will probably be a fantastic eater at nursery soon enough

My weaning technique worked well for me. I don’t believe weaning is a “one size fits all” thing and I did what I felt comfortable with.

This thread is bringing back some uncomfortable memories for me. As a young child, I found many foods unpleasant and would rather go hungry than eat them. I grew out of this naturally when my sense of taste became less sensitive, but it took a long time. In the meantime, mealtimes were often stressful for me and I hated the thought of eating in an unfamiliar place.

I'm so lucky to be an adult. Not only can I now appreciate most foods, but no one ever straps me to a chair and tells me I must eat cauliflower cheese or starve. And no one keeps trying to force me to try it, even though the smell and taste make me feel sick.

How many adults can honestly say they would be happy to eat whatever they were given for lunch every day, regardless of whether they liked it or not?

For exactly that reason the early years guidance for a long time has been to offer children choices of food. The days of take it or leave it or force feeding are well and truly behind us, thank goodness

I’m sorry you’ve had this experience. I remember being told to eat something numerous times when I just simply didn’t want to - I don’t want to force my child to “have” to eat something otherwise he “goes hungry”

I appreciate he isn’t at nursery for long and their timings for food are a bit strange (breakfast from 8-8:30 and then lunch at 11:30) as they seem quite close together but I just wanted him to have his food separated so he could pick and choose what he wanted (if he still didn’t eat it; fine - I rest my case that it’s a settling in situation)

i think as much as “creating a fussy eater” introduces bad habits - kids won’t like everything - but also offering them food and expecting them to eat it without ways to manage nervousness (I.e separating sauce and pasta) also contributes to negative food associations. It’s the same concept of “if you don’t eat your dinner, no dessert or go hungry” (well this is the way I view it).

I didn’t follow the traditional/new BLW which all these sports stars and social media mums go on about - I did what was comfortable for me. I started him on home purées and slowly made them chunkier due to a petulant intolerance of uncertainty. He eats well at home, we don’t force any food he doesn’t like initially (we try again a few days later) and he’s healthy and growing well (to my knowledge, anyway!)

I confirmed with his Nursery that it is just one blanket meal for everyone (aside from the baby room I think) and then he has an option for fruit (which he often eats a little of). I was always under the impression that there’s usually two options at schools - but I don’t know about nursery and I assume it’s easy for just one meal.

That’s roughly £10 per hour for childcare including food x2 (breakfast+lunch from ops description).

It’s not exactly personalised chef prices.

(…and yes it’s a lot for parents to pay, I’ve been there and get it. But it’s just how much things costs these days, rightly or wrongly.)

Of course they are trying - echo above comments that it is impossible to offer alternatives for every child. Also how far does that go - offer crisps to “the child that will only eat crisps” until all the other children see this and will then only eat crisps too? And throw away/waste all the home-cooked dinners properly prepared for everyone?

Are you suggesting he's being forced to eat?

And have you tried to find out if the food comes from an outside vendor with, for example, pasta in sauce in a big tray, and not pasta and sauce separately?