AIBU to want the nursery to offer him different food?

[LilacPomPom]

I have a 17mo old son who attends nursery twice a week for half days (Tuesday 8-1 & Thursday 8-1).
These are not funded hours at all and are entirely paid by myself & my partner for the small fortune of over £400+ a month.

When we looked around the nursery, I was in awe of the menu and how established it was with a variety of foods and I found it quite fancy. It has a “home cooked” kind of vibe to it but with extras so instead of a beef bolognaise, he’s offered lamb (which I think is slightly odd as it’s not what I would expect from a Spag Bol essentially).

Since September, my LO barely eats there. We’ve changed his diet at home to eating what me & my partner eat and he does really well. He’s a bit funny with textures but he has changed drastically and does brilliantly at home.

He rarely eats at nursery. Out of the whole of September, he’s eaten 2-3 portions of breakfast and maybe the mash from a lunch or the plain pasta from lunch. Today, I’ve looked on the nursery app to see if he’d eaten breakfast. Nope.

i’m a little irked that they don’t offer him anything else. He’s offered one option of “beans on toast” and if he doesn’t eat it, he’s not offered cereal (which I know he would eat at least some of) or anything else. The same applies for lunch too. I’m not allowed to bring food into the nursery for them to give like a box of cereal or the bread he has at home (just even silly things like that) due to allergies in the nursery.

i’m getting a bit annoyed that we’re paying all the money and he’s not even being offered an alternative and he’s just not eating and their happy with that. I’m unsure whether to make a comment to them about just offering him something else. Like, today he was given Beans on Toast. He ate none. However, I know that he eats toast with butter all the time and he has had beans before, just mashed into a potato.

AIBU to expect them to at least offer an alternative and be upset that they’re literally not phased if he doesn’t eat at nursery especially when I’m paying the full price for his hours? (we’re one of maybe 5 families who get no funded hours at all).

I know the money thing shouldn’t make a difference but there’s also a few little things that we can/can’t do as we’re not funded. All children, regardless of financial status, should be entitled to healthy and nutritious food - it just stings a little that we’re paying for the addition of food (compulsory) and he’s not eating anything.

Don't you think it's a positive thing for him to get used to the fact that he needs to sometimes eat things that are not his favourite / presented exactly how he wants, if he doesn't want to feel hungry later? I think this is such a great lesson for our kids, who are growing up so very privileged in every way compared to so many around the world, and it sets them up better for school also, which is partly what nursery is about. My kids used to be like this when they started nursery but I'd never have asked the nursery to cater especially for them! They both learned their lesson and they now know that at school, even if they lunch isn't their favourite, they have to eat a bit or there will be nothing else and they will go hungry. Also, he won't actually go hungry - it's two mornings a week. Beans on toast is a nutritious breakfast and cereal is not, I'm guessing that's why they don't offer cereal... and kids whose families don't qualify for funded hours aren't entitled to a premium service either. YABVU I'm afraid

The most important part of nursery is the socialisation and the free play. He doesn’t need a restaurant experience. In fact, I think 2 meals in 4 hours is quite a lot of time eating when he could be playing instead. Just feed him toast before you go and offer a big snack in the afternoon when he gets home. He will eventually learn to get on with the communal meals and eat with the others. Until then, he won’t starve.

Just give them lunch as soon as they've left nursery? If you really think you should be getting a refund on the cost of the beans and bread your child rejected, or that they should have multiple different foods they should try until he's eaten what you think sufficient then you're not being reasonable.

It’s still early days of him settling into nursery, some kids take 12 weeks to properly settle. Have you told the nursery his likes and dislikes? While they can’t offer endless alternatives for all kids, it is fair for them to be able to offer something for kids who have never liked something on offer e.g. plain toast, fruit etc if the kid has never liked beans or shepherd’s pie or whatever. But equally they can’t be making whole new meals for every child

Wrong thread, sorry!

Every setting I've worked in would have ability to make a sandwich instead or toast or a banana or something. I suspect they aren't concerned about doing that because they think you can feed him breakfast before he comes in and lunch after he goes home so he's not starved. If he stayed all day I'd be very surprised they hadn't tried alternatives.

At least they are honest - I remember always being told by the nursery 'he didn't eat his veg' when at home all he would eat was veg, it felt like a standard message and like no-one was actually watching.

It depends, breakfast is an easy one where they should offer options. Our nursery and childminder have options for toast with jam/honey, cereals and sometimes porridge for the under 2. I think it's ridiculous to serve beans on toast to a child that doesn't eat it, when they would eat the toast with jam.

For lunch, it's more complicated. Most nurseries have a single menu with a veggie alternative (which is just a modified version of the main menu so won't really help here). I don't think they can cater for every child that won't eat it the daily meal. Ideally they would separate the food so there is always the rice or pasta or something they might like.

Ultimately, if you pick up your child at 1pm I don't really see the problem, you can bring a snack with you at pickup or feed them at home.

Send in a packed lunch box.

Does he eat breakfast at home and have lunch at home when he comes back? If no allergies at play then most likely he's not hungry enough? You don't say if he's devouring all food and desperate to eat on arrival home. 8-1 isn't really a full day.

I think expecting a very basic alternative (by this I mean toast with butter and a few beans on the side) is reasonable. But expecting a completely different option is not otherwise all the children will start holding out for alternatives.

I think if serving beans in a bowl and toast on the side or having fruit at snack time is unrealistic then we need to re-evaluate the quality of childcare that we deem as acceptable.

Have you been giving him something to eat as soon as he comes out each day? He might just be holding out to eat with you since he's only doing half days. Not saying you shouldn't feed him after pick up, but that might just feel more comfortable for him right now. Give him a bit more time to settle in, sounds like he'd usually be happy to eat the food they're offering so I don't see why they should offer alternatives.

It's not good that you're so resentful of paying nursery fees. They're caring for your son when you're not able/willing to, you shouldn't have the attitude of trying to get your money's worth.

The lamb bolognaise isn’t likely to be them trying to be ‘fancy’. Many nurseries do not serve beef or pork due to religious reasons of attendees so they’ve modified it from a nutritional point of view to still include a red meat.

It doesn't matter to the nursery how they are paid, funded for not. They can't cater to every child's whims, it would be too time consuming and expensive as the food waste would increase. You say you know they'd eat cereal but then say only eaten breakfast 2 or 3 times in September so that isn't a solution. You could consider a nanny if that's the kind of meal service you're looking for.

I’m going to go controversial and say they should be offering an alternative. My 2 DDs went to different private nurseries and they were both offered something else if they didn’t want the meal. They understood that children need to eat! So even if it was toast, or cereal, or fruit… whatever they had, they’d offer. My DDs have not come away picky eaters, and I think sometimes we get stuck in the mindset of “it must be this way or else (insert awful consequence) will happen”...
And you’re not asking for special treatment. If all the kids refused to eat it the food, it clearly becomes an issue with the food provided. As adults, wouldn’t treat each other like this (you must eat this, you can only have that).
I’d sit down with the nursery manager and talk it through. See if you can work towards a solution together.

Funded vs non funded hours are irrelevant as they don’t cover food. On the days that funded hours covers we pay a top up charge for all of the meals. I thought this was important to mention in case you think you’re paying for something that others aren’t and therefore deserve special consideration. You’re not.

Yes and it is also a bit unpleasant to suggest your child should be entitled a particular service because you're paying out of pocket

He’s offered the menu, he’s also offered beans on toast, that’s it and that’s fine. The nursery don’t buy in extras and various meal options.

Parents like your boil my blood. No problem we will individually cater for 140 kids we have at every meal. It's your job as a parent to introduce lots of food. Plus there is always 2 choices for lunch

Yabu. They can’t offer different options for every child who refuses to eat what’s on the menu.

Does he even need to be at the nursery? For two half days a week I assume it’s not because both parents are working?

Ps it’s fazed, not phased.

I thought this was normal? DS didn't want much of his tea last night (fish fingers, baked beans and sweet potato mash) even though he's had them all before and eaten them, and trying to get him to eat anywhere that isn't at home is a bloody nightmare. He's too busy looking at everything!

He’s only there 2 mornings a week. Give him a big breakfast before he goes and feed him when he gets home. If he was there 7-7 this would be something to worry about but in your case it really doesn’t matter because he’s there for so few hours. And in time he’ll probably come round to some if not all of the food.

I don’t think you can be too insistent on multiple alternatives because firstly it would be a nightmare to do restaurant style service for all the kids and they have to be fair and offer the same to all and also you say he’s not eating much breakfast there either so would cereal or toast really be eaten either because sounds like he’s turning down that sort of food there too.

He’s probably over stimulated as well as not being there for long enough to get really properly hungry. The over stimulation will probably die down in time. If he only started in September and only does 2 mornings a week he’s only done something like 8-10 half sessions, equivalent to a week for a full time child. So really he’s still settling.

Ok, wow. Some of these are insane and whilst many of you seem to have a very forward POV about me having a reality check - some of you are just downright rude but hey, it’s MumsNet right?

just to clarify a few things for people.

1. i can’t bring a packed lunch - they have a policy against it due to allergies. Not even allowed to bring cake for a birthday but I can pay £10 for the chef to make a small one.
2. they don’t serve the beans and toast separately (that was all I was asking - just so he’d maybe eat the toast)
3. Just because my hours are funded doesn’t mean I am rich. It’s based of NET income pre-tax and personally, I work in the NHS so I’m not exactly raking it in.
4. I understand that the food may be changed to alter for religious purposes and I know that the surrounding area includes people from all cultures. No problem with this, just wanted the food served separately (pasta one side, sauce the other)
5. I’m not giving him food before nursery purely so he’s hungry and wants to eat there. I’ve seen their set up and they all sit at a bit table and it’s sweet.
6. If he doesn’t eat, I feed him lunch at home. Yes we changed his diet, I mean it in a sense that I no longer mash his food up, we give him cutlery to learn with and we all eat together. If he chooses not to eat the broccoli on his plate, I don’t then hide it like I used to when he was little.
7. i’m not expecting a tailored menu in the slightest. I’d love for him to eat the menu as it looks better than half the food I eat at work. I just wanted him to be offered a basic part (pasta separate/toast separate or beans on the side etc)
8. Oh, and yes they provide care for my son. I love his key worker. I’m grateful that he has a good time and enjoys it.

i don’t want my child to be treated differently for any reason and I don’t want or expect anyone to go out of their way to make separate meals - at home, if he didn’t like his breakfast, I’d offer him some toast or fruit/yoghurt to make sure he ate something. The money thing is a personal issue and I don’t believe that my son should receive more or better care - it’s just frustrating when you pay for nursery (which is extortionate for everyone) and then get told repeatedly: he didn’t touch any food, he didn’t eat any lunch etc. & you can’t remove the consumables off your bill (flat fee).