To refuse to consider living where DH wants to

[NachoChip]

DH and I have been together for over 20 years and have a toddler. We met at university and lived in different places but about 10 years ago moved back to my hometown. My family and friends live in one area that has a great school and is closer to the centre, but it's high house prices. DH wants to live further out of town to be near to his hobby. That area doesn't have a lot there in my view and would be a 20-25 minute drive to everyone we know, bearing in mind it would be handy to be closer to parents who can help with childcare etc. We both work full time, in the town centre 2-3 days a week and WFH the others. His chosen area is about 25 mins drive from the centre as well.

His argument is that we live in my hometown near my friends and family, and he's built a little community around his hobby that he wants to be near so it's only fair. He thinks our toddler would enjoy it there and can get involved with his hobby when he grows up. Also he thinks the houses in my chosen area are expensive and still need work. I think he's also quite independent so likes the idea of us setting up afresh but still being close enough to family and friends.

My argument is that the area I want to live in is closer to friends and family which is good for us all especially for that support network, closer to town and our work, the best school and lots more to do in the area.

AIBU to not consider what DH wants or is he not considering what's best for us as a family?

I've tried to write it in as balanced a way as possible!

It's not his family...are these people going to spend time with them outside their hobby, help them take of their child esp when there is an emergency etc? Prioritise their family and child in the same way family would?

I really would be telling him crack on himself.
The selfishness to consider moving a family from their family and supportive community, for a hobby, is next level selfishness.

How about for a bigger house and garden because reading between the lines I think this is the case

Don't you hate these threads where the OP never comes back.

Does his support network help take his kids to school or childminders if he can't? I get his hobby friends are important to him, but it sounds like he feels he is missing out on whatever socialising might be happening after the hobby sessions.
In the meantime, mum has lost her immediate support network. Yes, they will only be half an hour drive away, but it's not the few minutes she currently has.

While I don't think moving for hobby is reasonable (I still doubt this is actually about the hobby). However, i wonder how close everyone lives to their parents/in laws if 20min means losing your suppirt network?

On the one hand there are tons of threads about hating in laws and how annoying it is that someone wants to se their parents twice a year. Anyone seeing family once a month is a mommas boy who are not independent. But now moving 20min away is outrageous and will negatively impact relationships with the wider family. I live about 20 min from my parents and we think that is practically living next door.

Again, moving for hobby is weird but I don't think thw distance we sre blaming about can be considered taking them away from their community.

I never had anyone else to take kids to schools ( no DH either ) I never had parents around the corner - I suspect most people don’t

my support network was the one that kept me sane whilst I was doing it all - looking after my dd and working to pay our way

there is no rule that says one type of support is more important than the ither

i am not saying move where he wants
i am saying both are currently being unreasonable and location should as best as can suit both

which won’t happen if OP insists on living only in one specific area