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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel bitter towards people especially men since losing 8 stone.

177 replies

SharpBrickMaker · 05/10/2025 09:58

I lost 8 stone and now im a size 10. I feel so much better, not to mention my back doesn't hurt anymore. Which was a major issue for me before.

I have male neighbours that now say hi to me. Who before didn't even know I existed..They seem quite offended when I dont want to chat. When im trying to cross the road more cars mainly men now stop to let me pass. Men now chat to me outside.
Delivery drivers who have been here before now are very talkative and helpful.

I love wearing dresses just now and feel very sexy in them. I've caught quite a few men stare at me and it makes me mad. I don't wear what I wear for them. I do it for me.

My husband has always found me attractive. He still can't keep his hands off me like before, He quite enjoys picking me up now I think. He has never based my worth on my weight or my attractiveness on it. Because of that I actually feel my love for him has grown.

That's the only reason I haven't turned full blown man hater just now I think

OP posts:
Burningbud1981 · 05/10/2025 10:03

The only man’s actions and opinions that should count are your husbands and he sounds like a prince. Stop being bitter enjoy your weight loss and your life

ForZanyAquaViewer · 05/10/2025 10:03

What are you cross about, exactly? People (particularly men) reacting to you differently now that you’re more conventionally attractive?

Thing is, it would be lovely if we lived in a world where everyone was afforded basic courtesy. However, the sad reality is that people are nicer and respond better to more attractive people. I believe there have been studies on this. I can imagine that it’s a bit of a shock when the world starts engaging with you so differently, though.

UnhappyHobbit · 05/10/2025 10:10

Perhaps look at it another way. I’m sure you like the look of yourself 8 stone lighter and so do others!
Biologically, people are attracted to healthy people. Being skinny isn’t always a sign of health, I’m not sure most people are attracted to the gaunt look of drug addicts.

Sparkletastic · 05/10/2025 10:12

Many men are as shallow as muddy puddles.

FuzzyWolf · 05/10/2025 10:12

You probably show that you feel happier and more confident in yourself and that is what people pick up on.

Boomer55 · 05/10/2025 10:19

It’s like television. Producers of whatever have always known that attractive presenters are preferred by the majority of the viewing public.

Or models etc.

it’s always been that way. 🤷‍♀️

Squirrelblanket · 05/10/2025 10:22

FuzzyWolf · 05/10/2025 10:12

You probably show that you feel happier and more confident in yourself and that is what people pick up on.

I think this is correct. I've lost 4.5 stone in the past year and I definitely feel much better and happier in myself and people respond to it.

RingoJuice · 05/10/2025 10:29

SharpBrickMaker · 05/10/2025 09:58

I lost 8 stone and now im a size 10. I feel so much better, not to mention my back doesn't hurt anymore. Which was a major issue for me before.

I have male neighbours that now say hi to me. Who before didn't even know I existed..They seem quite offended when I dont want to chat. When im trying to cross the road more cars mainly men now stop to let me pass. Men now chat to me outside.
Delivery drivers who have been here before now are very talkative and helpful.

I love wearing dresses just now and feel very sexy in them. I've caught quite a few men stare at me and it makes me mad. I don't wear what I wear for them. I do it for me.

My husband has always found me attractive. He still can't keep his hands off me like before, He quite enjoys picking me up now I think. He has never based my worth on my weight or my attractiveness on it. Because of that I actually feel my love for him has grown.

That's the only reason I haven't turned full blown man hater just now I think

Congratulations on the weight loss.

I somewhat disagree though. Nobody is obliged to find any particular kind of body attractive. If men think you are more attractive at a lower weight, it’s just because it’s widely considered more attractive?

Likewise, I don’t find fat men attractive,
probably don’t really even register them. Although I never would say Hi to strange men I found attractive anyway …

BMW6 · 05/10/2025 10:34

But why are you so annoyed? Fat isn't at all attractive to most people - I'm very overweight myself before anyone wants to rage at me!

Of course appearance matters.

ForWildLemon · 05/10/2025 10:37

Huge congratulations on the weight loss! Glad you’re feeling good. It’s very annoying that neighbours are being more friendly now you’ve lost weight, so I do see your point, but I think that actually confidence, happiness in yourself and wearing clothes that make you feel (and maybe is implied look??) sexy and vibrant can make all the difference.

Ive always been size 10-14 depending on what’s going on and I have never really noticed a difference in the male attention I get at 10 or 14 - I have noticed a difference if I’m dressed up or wearing a dress or something that I’ve made more of an effort with, so honestly it could be partly that.

its just a bit sad that you feel bitter when there is so much to celebrate with feeling better and you’ve always had an attentive and supportive partner anyway. Why not focus on that?

Plugsocketrocket · 05/10/2025 10:46

I’m fat. I find skinnier people attractive. I don’t go out of my way to seek them out for chats because I’m happily married but I get that as a concept. I’m sure it is evolutionary as thinner people are healthier than obese people. I honestly don’t get your ire at humans finding skinny people more attractive.

Personally I’m not going to get chased down any time soon with people finding me attractive for my body shape stereotypically it would be easy to catch me what with me being fat and all but that doesn’t bother me in the slightest because as you have seen yourself those who count value you skinny or fat.

AppropriateAdult · 05/10/2025 10:51

I think I understand where you’re coming from, OP. Of course you’ll get more romantic/sexual interest from men when you’re slimmer, that’s unsurprising. But finding out that the normal courtesies of life - neighbours being friendly, drivers being considerate - are also dependent on your sexual attractiveness is actually pretty dispiriting.

Pickledpoppetpickle · 05/10/2025 10:52

Are you screaming inside but I’m the same person? I am on a weight loss journey. Still along way to go. But I feel great and have totally shifted what I wear even though am still large. People have, of course, noticed. Some are lovely about it, quietly complimentary and supportive. Others seem to enjoy shouting about it publically and when that happens, I just politely smile and remind them I’m the same person. Seems to shut them up!

vickylou78 · 05/10/2025 10:52

Thing is though Op, why the hatred of men? You can't help the fact that being slim is more attractive to men as it demonstrates health and is important to our long evolved urge to reproduce with someone who is healthy.

I think women would be the same, If I'm honest, in reality if I was young and single I probably wouldn't turn my head in the street for a really overweight man. I'd of course be polite and let them cross the road etc but when I was single I wouldn't be excited to get into a conversation with them in the same way I would with someone who I found attractive. That's just life surely?

vickylou78 · 05/10/2025 10:53

I agree it's a bit rubbish that it extends to other things in life like letting you cross the road etc.

deirdrerasheed · 05/10/2025 10:54

I get you. I've been alot of different clothes sizes and am losing weight now naturally. Men are more interested in me, and no its not realted to my confidence levels improving. Headphones help!

HedwigEliza · 05/10/2025 10:55

Why are you so bitter? Biologically, people are attracted to healthy people - it’s hardwired into us, there’s no escaping it. Women do exactly the same thing.

KillMeMounjaro · 05/10/2025 10:57

But you like yourself more now you’re slim, and feel sexy … why the annoyance that others feel the same about you?

witheringrowan · 05/10/2025 10:57

vickylou78 · 05/10/2025 10:52

Thing is though Op, why the hatred of men? You can't help the fact that being slim is more attractive to men as it demonstrates health and is important to our long evolved urge to reproduce with someone who is healthy.

I think women would be the same, If I'm honest, in reality if I was young and single I probably wouldn't turn my head in the street for a really overweight man. I'd of course be polite and let them cross the road etc but when I was single I wouldn't be excited to get into a conversation with them in the same way I would with someone who I found attractive. That's just life surely?

Because it's shitty to realise that, to many men, you only register as a person worth treating with any respect or courtesy if they find you sexually attractive.

KitsyWitsy · 05/10/2025 10:58

I've lost 4.5 stone and gone from a 20 to a 14-16. I was out last night and was told I am looking well and I carry myself differently since losing weight. I also wear better fitting clothes and in general look much happier and healthier. I think that's why I get more attention than I used to.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 05/10/2025 10:58

I think you’re probably just angry with yourself for enjoying the attention more than you’re angry with members of the public for giving it. We all know that being attractive opens doors across life. Even shortens prison sentences in some cases! It’s the way we operate I’m afraid.

HedwigEliza · 05/10/2025 10:58

Sparkletastic · 05/10/2025 10:12

Many men are as shallow as muddy puddles.

Because women don’t do exactly the same thing when posting here that a man’s personality is great, but he’s just not tall enough, of course not 🙄

TypeyMcTypeface · 05/10/2025 10:59

May I ask your age bracket? I'm in my 50s, and I find my weight now makes no difference - I'm routinely ignored by random men. And happily, I no longer give a fuck 😆

MyCoralHedgehog · 05/10/2025 11:00

At the end of the day it’s a fact, the vast majority of men and women don’t find fat attractive. I’m sure I’ll get some haters but it’s true. That’s why most women have dieted at some point in their lives. Sad, harsh but true, being fat is not attractive however much you dress it up with words like ‘curvy’ And I say this as an overweight woman myself

Loopylalalou · 05/10/2025 11:07

BMW6 · 05/10/2025 10:34

But why are you so annoyed? Fat isn't at all attractive to most people - I'm very overweight myself before anyone wants to rage at me!

Of course appearance matters.

I’m quite fat too - very fat, some people might think. But I’m less so as I’ve worked hard on a better relationship with food.
I’ve long known that appearance = recognition, and understand that my weight has been a way of hiding myself.
But… I’ve always been well dressed, hair and makeup, clean and polished. Too many big women sink into poorly fitting lumpy clothes and take less care of their appearance (and maybe well being).
Don’t judge us all as being the same.