To feel bitter towards people especially men since losing 8 stone.

[SharpBrickMaker]

I lost 8 stone and now im a size 10. I feel so much better, not to mention my back doesn't hurt anymore. Which was a major issue for me before.

I have male neighbours that now say hi to me. Who before didn't even know I existed..They seem quite offended when I dont want to chat. When im trying to cross the road more cars mainly men now stop to let me pass. Men now chat to me outside.
Delivery drivers who have been here before now are very talkative and helpful.

I love wearing dresses just now and feel very sexy in them. I've caught quite a few men stare at me and it makes me mad. I don't wear what I wear for them. I do it for me.

My husband has always found me attractive. He still can't keep his hands off me like before, He quite enjoys picking me up now I think. He has never based my worth on my weight or my attractiveness on it. Because of that I actually feel my love for him has grown.

That's the only reason I haven't turned full blown man hater just now I think

Imo there's a difference between showing the kind of interest you show in someone because you're attracted to them, versus noticing them, acknowledging their existence and being respectful to them because they are a fellow human being. Men who treat women they aren't attracted to as though they aren't worthy of respect or notice are arseholes. However, behaving more attentively to people you are attracted to is just normal human behaviour (and is not specific to men). Lije it or not, most men and women are more attracted to people who are not very overweight.

Tbf I imagine it’s the new found confidence you are giving off rather than your weight. Makes you appear more open to interaction. Please don’t spoilt your happiness and achievement by being bitter about something that should be positive

It’s not always just men though is it? I am actively involved in a community group which supports many local charities and foundations. Some in our group are quite religious and go to church regularly, their choice and I respect that but they choose to judge me because I don’t follow their religion and I am often sidelined and ignored by them……..I just think ‘their loss’!

Yeah, hit 45 an you pretty much disappear again 😂

People are dicks but we're pretty universal in that we all respond to attractive/cute in a positive manner.

The part you wrote about your husband was lovely, you sound very happy together. Focus on that.

Exactly. Not exactly front page news is it? As I said, most men find slimmer women more attractive, and most women find slimmer men more attractive. Fact is, most people are more attractive slimmer. The vast majority of people will look better at 11 stone than at 18 stone. Men and women.

Also as I said, I do wonder if it's the (overweight) person themselves who doesn't engage much with people as they're not confident with their weight and size, but it's more convenient for them to blame others and say 'but people ignore me when I'm fat..'

Like I said before, no-one has ever treated me differently when I was fat/3 or 4 stone heavier.

Not sure why you feel bitter towards people. It's a fact that people are more attracted to thinner people than fat people. I've been obese most of my adult life, and have come to accept that people make "first opinions" at the sight, whether in social or business settings. I know I've not got jobs and not gained new clients because of being obese. Pointless feeling bitter about it - you can't change other people's opinions of you. I did what you did, I lose a shed load of weight and since then, I'm more socially popular, won more clients, got better jobs etc. I'm not bitter towards other people. The only emotion I have is blaming myself for letting myself become obese in the first place and not tackling it sooner! I think you're projecting and redirecting your feelings by blaming other people rather than accepting blame for any negative aspects you suffered by being grossly overweight.

People are totally missing the point. It’s not about wanting to be sexually attractive to men. It’s about being treated as a human being. Fat women are treated abysmally and insulted by men at worse and completely blanked as unworthy of attention at best and this is backed up by slim women who consider this to be OK.

I know exactly what you mean. In my 20s I lost 4 stone and suddenly I was on the radar of men I had known a long time. When I put it all back on again, I became invisible once more.

I try to do this. I didn’t know thin/ pretty privilege existed til I read about it on MN (which in itself shows my privilege). But then I started to notice that I do experience it so now I go the other way and make sure I hold the door open for people, compliment people on their outfit, hair style etc especially those who might be considered “invisible”. I hope that makes people’s day a little bit!

I do get what you’re saying though @SharpBrickMaker. you’re not mad that people find you attractive but that they’re only interested in interacting with you because they find you attractive.

I can’t believe how rude people on this forum can be. Proves that a woman is not allowed to be angry in any way with the way society treats her because it’s just the way it is and what they should expect. Read the book “Rage Becomes Her” and you’ll see how this is socialised into men and women.
Clearly OP is happy and secure in herself. And clearly she is legitimately angry that only now she is slim is she deemed worthy of basic manners, dignity and respect by men. Of course there is “pretty privilige” but should people not be expected to raise their standard of behaviour and counter some of the shitty programming? Women are expected to do this ALL the time but we expect that some men will just behave with no effort to exert self-control or counter conditioning. No wonder women are opting out of marriage and any relations hip with men.
Also re the baby study is part of it not also that symmetry is deemed more attractive in faces and babies prefer symmetry not the “attractiveness” per se? All of these are actually social constructs which a baby is not yet subject to, so it must be another explanation.

Are you sure it's not just that you're dressing better now? I'm a size 16 and I dress nicely, mostly smart dresses and pretty feminine stuff. I get the same reactions from men that you do.

I have, especially in the work place but then, when weight is lost, it changes friendship group dynamics. It’s been kind of fascinating. In 2018 I started running and lost weight, suddenly the jealousy began. It was so weird to be jealous of someone else’s weightloss. It wasn’t easy but I worked at it daily. But I also was promoted at work. That may have partially been my confidence that came with it but I experienced far more success at a lower weight and nicer treatment overall.

It works both ways. I was always an 8-10. I never thought anything about the way I was treated. Through illness, I'm now severely underweight. No one finds being under six stone attractive. There's a societal ideal and you have managed to land on it. If you lost another huge chunk of weight you'd soon see it's true

I mean, you said it yourself, you feel better, sexier, more confident, you wear new clothes, you're probably happier. People gravitate more towards individuals like that, even when it's not driven by sexual attraction.

Congrats on your weight loss!

Same here, OP. I've been all weights from 7 st 10 at five foot four to a lot more and everything in between. It absolutely grinds my gears that men who wouldn't give me a second glance when size 14 and up fawned over me like I was Cleopatra when I was 8 stone or so. Makes me absolutely sick. Through many years of all this, I've come to realise that a lot of men see having a thin woman as a real prize, like it's some positive reflection on THEM. I've even had them tell me that being with a bigger woman makes them look bad to other men and emasculates them!! Lots of men really do see a slim woman as a trophy. I'm glad you have a man who isn't like that, but many are, and it's one of the many reasons that I have zero time for serious, committed relationships these days.

I don’t think it’s necessarily due to people wanting to fuck you, but being conventionally attractive and pleasant looking does tend to mean people think better of you than if you were unattractive. It’s just the way of the world.

Attractive people get treated better. And most people see slimmer people as attractive over heavily over weight. I’m not surprised you’re seeing a difference. Yes it’s annoying but it’s pretty natural.

Thinking back to the fat boys at school, they weren't particularly popular with the girls either.

I'm old enough to remember when most teenagers/20 somethings had posters all over their bedroom walls.

I don't remember any fat sex symbols being fawned over.

It's just a fact that most people find slim bodies more attractive.

That must feel horrible. When it's so noticeable that the same person treats you so differently especially.

But so what? Let them do what they do. You're happy, healthy, and your loving husband fancies and respects you.

I know that when I was a healthier weight I definitely got a lot more unwanted attention from men. But it could also be that I've aged. So they are fattist/skinny-ist and ageist! It's not something you can control, other people's perceptions of you. Sadly.

I’ve lost 5 stone in the last year - all hail the God of Mounjaro 🙌🙌

like you, my husband has always been fabulous and found me fabulous.

i have certainly noticed strangers being more attentive to me, but in terms of friends, neighbours etc - nope - I’ve always been outgoing and friendly to them, and they’ve always been pleasant and chatty in return.

well done your loss, it’s a fab feeling isn’t it 💕

It's quite nice not to be noticed. If I lost weight and everyone, especially men, starting paying more attention and bothering me, I'd be a bit put out. I like being able to slink around largely unbothered and unobserved. I'm always pleasant but am much less tolerant nowadays of other people, especially complete strangers, sapping my mental energy through forcing me to interact.

A pair of dark sunglasses might do the trick, or at least give a bit of a "fuck off" vibe.

Yes, the baby study was indeed to do with symmetry which, in faces, is largely what conventional attractiveness is. What it showed was reaction to attractiveness is to some extent innate. People tend to find fat unattractive, therefore there is some level of innate push to react more positively to slim people

Are you a man by any chance, Dolly? I haven't seen any man being called a raging perv or judgy on this thread...

Don’t worry. Once you get to your fifties you’ll go back to being invisible!! It’s very liberating

It isn't just men. Since I met my DH he has put on and lost a lot of weight and he noticed the difference in how people treated it. A lot of people are fattist and some will be subconsciously so. It is rubbish and my DH was angry too.