To feel bitter towards people especially men since losing 8 stone.

[SharpBrickMaker]

I lost 8 stone and now im a size 10. I feel so much better, not to mention my back doesn't hurt anymore. Which was a major issue for me before.

I have male neighbours that now say hi to me. Who before didn't even know I existed..They seem quite offended when I dont want to chat. When im trying to cross the road more cars mainly men now stop to let me pass. Men now chat to me outside.
Delivery drivers who have been here before now are very talkative and helpful.

I love wearing dresses just now and feel very sexy in them. I've caught quite a few men stare at me and it makes me mad. I don't wear what I wear for them. I do it for me.

My husband has always found me attractive. He still can't keep his hands off me like before, He quite enjoys picking me up now I think. He has never based my worth on my weight or my attractiveness on it. Because of that I actually feel my love for him has grown.

That's the only reason I haven't turned full blown man hater just now I think

I read it and it was pretty 'meh' really 🤷‍♂️

Most men and women aren't attracted to morbidly obese people.

It's been that way since time began and that's all there is to it.

I have the opposite, I used to have the body of Kylie Minouge and get hit on/gawped at all the time.
Then during Covid I gave up smoking, gained 3 stone and men have stopped noticing me (thank god) but I think women treat me differently too, less friendly.
I couldn’t care less though, try not to let it bother you.

I agree with posters that you’re probably giving off completely different vibes now you’re happy with your appearance.

That said, if a male neighbour lost 8 stone and buffed up I would be much more likely to notice him.

Of course, you are being unreasonable…🤷🏻‍♀️

Physical attractiveness is based on physical appearance. Most people find skinnier people are more attractive. Thus men find you more attractive. Men (other than your H) did not promise to love and hold you you in sickness
and health, etc….
So why on earth do you expect the world at large to see you as the same person physically when your appearance has changed????

If your friends started treating you differently, or same happened professionally - you’d have a point. But physical attractiveness is just that _ physical.

it's evolutionary and innate. not really something to be blamed for (unless they are openly leery or impolite with it) Some people will fancy people of all sizes, some won't. That's life. (I for example would choose a chubby man over a skinny one)
As PP have said, you are probably walking taller and more confidently, and that's attractive.
PS - hold on to your husband, he sounds ace ;-)

Judging by the amount of very obese women who are in relationships I'd say that there are very many men out there who are not as shallow as puddles too.

Women are just as shallow as men in my opinion. They are much more obsessed with their own looks and quick to judge women who don't conform. Just think of all the fashion red carpet commentators analysing other peoples clothes. Or all the fashion influencers who make judgements. Remember the trashy magazines in 00s where women would joke about other women's bodies. What about all the girls bullied at school over their hair/ weight/ nose etc by other girls. Obviously it's still only a certain type of woman who is like this but I would think likewise it's only a certain percentage of men who are shallow too. A man who loses weight and starts to dress more confidently will find he too gets more female attention.

Same. I want to get slim again to be healthy, but the silver lining of steroid induced weight gain for me has been no more sexual harassment.

Maybe it's a confidence thing. I'm a bigger woman (20-22) men still talk to me, wave me across the road etc. Well done on losing the weight by the way!

That’s so true . Men can’t resist slim pretty women . They like other men to see them chatting to them . It’s a feather in their cap .

This can hardly come as a surprise to anyone.

Congratulations on your weight loss @SharpBrickMaker - just let it wash over you and enjoy having slim/attractive priveliges.

As soon as you go grey you'll become invisible again.

As one charmer put it to me many years ago : “ If women didn’t have holes men wouldn’t talk to them “.

You feel better about yourself, you - whether you realise is or not - project that feeling to others. Just stop the hating.

Femcels are awful. Please don't become one of them.

My ex-boss was one and she would start the day by loudly complaining that men had undressed her on her journey in (she was late 40s and not particularly attractive, she looked a bit like middle aged Rose West); that some man had 'violated her space' by speaking to her; when entering a room, she'd count the number of men present and woman and if the former was greater, we'd get a angry discourse on the patriarchy and feminism. She wasted no time continuously telling all my married colleagues (we were mostly a team of women as she refused to hire any males) that they were being used and exploited by men, blah, blah, blah...
The rest of us including the younger prettier girls would have uneventful journeys in, reading our books, while she was always touched, demeaned, oppressed, sexually harrassed, put upon, etc.

Her fixation and hatred was so absolute, that I remember one of my colleagues saying that she wondered if Nazi Germany in the late 30s was something like this? Despite all her loud vocalising, she was a horribly unhappy woman always on the look out for anything that would confirm her bias.

Words have meaning.
If you want to assert a fact then do so.
If you want to assert something different then do so. Don't expect people to infer what you meant and then get vitriolic when they react to what you actually said.

Shall we ... just accept that she felt men afforded her better treatment

We can do.

But she asserts that it's because she is now lighter.

I assert it's more likely because she's now a different personality that people react differently.

I’d rather work towards a society where men and women show basic courtesy and kindness towards others, no matter what you look like

But you don't really live true to your principles because you think OP is entitled to feel bitter towards men based on what is a subjective premise that may be untrue.

How is that commensurate with showing kindness regardless?

And I reiterate that she hasn't claimed she wasn't show courtesy, nor kindness. Just that she's shown more now.

So what?

Should I feel bitter at humanity because people avoid me when I'm being a crabby human?

You certainly haven't tempered your response, have you.

I've lost 5 stone and people are much nicer to me now. When I was fat both men and women but especially men treated me like worthless fat trash.

People in general treat you better when you are thin. You are treated better in all areas - shops, transport etc.

Fat men are treated exactly the same, i.e. discrimination for jobs, women don't find them attractive etc. It's NOT a female only thing at all. Attractive men get more female attention than fat/unattractive men. It works both ways.

@CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone Your reaction is the typical refrain of men apologists everywhere. That patriarchy doesn’t exist that it’s women being too sensitive, not being able to take a joke/compliment. OP did not say at any point that she has been behaving different (as you assert..). In fact, she was being no different to before but is finding that men are now expecting her to fawn over their new attention.
As for your “whataboutery” in defense of poor men and won’t someone just show them kindness if that’s what we want back (such a ridiculous argument btw that men should be able to act how they want, but if I believe in a world where people are kind to each other then they shouldn’t be held to account like wtf are you even talking about), it is exactly this kind of “himpathy” (look it up) that perpetuates patriarchy, conditioning and a disregard for women’s actual lived experiences. You’d rather gaslight OP than empathise based on actual societal structures we know exist.

That’s not what gaslight means.

I’ve lost nearly 7 stone.

some men I know are practically giddy about the change in my appearance. Seems they cannot believe what a hidden hottie I was all this time. Whereas inside I am exactly the same. I know these men are “nice guys” but I can’t help finding their behaviour towards me is completely ridiculous and highlights just what simpletons they are.

Most men are 80-97% dick driven. (True stats I just made up). This will never be clearer to a woman as when she has just lost a tonne of weight. For many of us gaining weight in the first place was to avoid/deflect male attention. Oh the irony.

It’s not just about the glances though, it’s a difference in treatment. That’s the bit that’s wrong. Attraction and glances is understandable.

You said yourself your feeling sexy and wear dresses now. Part of it will be that you are more confident and dressing match it.

Well, if you want to argue about what I said then do so.

But so far you've attacked me.for not understanding what you didn't write.

Now you're attacking me for things I haven't said and are labelling me. I do find that once people start banding terms.like fascist, racist, or man-apologist that usually means they have no rationale argument, just a dogma that can't withstand examination.

But, in the spirit of debate, let's go.

OP did not say at any point that she has been behaving different (as you assert..)

Actually she did. "I love wearing dresses just now and feel very sexy in them". I think that's at least one way her confidence level has changed.

she was being no different to before but is finding that men are now expecting her to fawn over their new attention.

No. She didn't say that. She said she's getting a lot more attention and she's upset that she didn't get that attention before. Nothing there about being expected to simper or fawn over anyone.

As for your “whataboutery” in defense of poor men and won’t someone just show them kindness if that’s what we want back

Except that I didn't say that anywhere here. So you're just making up stuff that you can attack me for. Classy!
That said, you were apparently aiming for a world where we're all kind to each other, so I'm not sure why you would exclude the menz.

it is exactly this kind of “himpathy” (look it up) that perpetuates patriarchy, conditioning and a disregard for women’s actual lived experiences.

I'm sorry. Not only have I not advocated for any of that, it's such a word salad that it's hard to know what you're saying beyond having a rant.

You’d rather gaslight OP than empathise based on actual societal structures we know exist.

Nope. Look up gaslighting. Unlike himpathy (which, like herstory, sounds so clever but isn't), it has a well-defined meaning.

I'm not guilty of gaslighting OP.

So far you've not engaged with anything I've said, which was why I don't think her anger is legitimate as you defined it.

If you wanted to make a substantive argument for why she could have historically felt anger at the way she was treated previously, then I might agree with you.

Or if she'd been angry now about how other fat women are still treated, and now chose to be an advocate for them, ditto.

But now that she has lost weight, and now she is treated better, she chooses just to be angry and bitter about men and have a little rant on MN. That to me, is self-indulgent and helping no-one.

Far two many replies to answer everyone.

Its not the attention as such as I do understand I now fit into what alot of people consider attractive.
Why is it ok that male and some females now treat me as a human being? Why is it ok that now im slim people are nice to me? I can say 100% its nothing to do with any self confidence as I still have major resting bitch face.

Everyone from before whi knew me that now treats me as a human,.I can't stand them which I know sounds harsh but there you go.
I'm not filled with hate but a understanding that some people are only nice to others if they are attractive. I'd rather stick with people who don't.

Also I treat everyone the same not just the ones I would fuck.