To feel bitter towards people especially men since losing 8 stone.

[SharpBrickMaker]

I lost 8 stone and now im a size 10. I feel so much better, not to mention my back doesn't hurt anymore. Which was a major issue for me before.

I have male neighbours that now say hi to me. Who before didn't even know I existed..They seem quite offended when I dont want to chat. When im trying to cross the road more cars mainly men now stop to let me pass. Men now chat to me outside.
Delivery drivers who have been here before now are very talkative and helpful.

I love wearing dresses just now and feel very sexy in them. I've caught quite a few men stare at me and it makes me mad. I don't wear what I wear for them. I do it for me.

My husband has always found me attractive. He still can't keep his hands off me like before, He quite enjoys picking me up now I think. He has never based my worth on my weight or my attractiveness on it. Because of that I actually feel my love for him has grown.

That's the only reason I haven't turned full blown man hater just now I think

Be honest, is it just men who treat you differently? I bet it isn't.

But, as I said, people are always friendlier to people who are happy, lively and confident because those people appear friendlier and more approachable to others, and the OP acknowledges that she feels much better now than she did before. Strangers are a lot nicer to me too when I simply seem happy and in a good mood rather than unconfident and knackered, and that’s got nothing to do with my weight.

I don’t think it’s about ‘looking attractive’ [or as a PP crudely referenced it ‘fuckable’]. I think it’s about the social judgements people make about ‘fat’ people - ie that they are lazy, uneducated, poorer/working class etc.

In OP’s case I wonder whether you are misreading the friendliness - if you were reserved, self-conscious and consequently unsmiling and giving off vibes when fat then you may have been signalling ‘keep away’. Now that you are comfortable in your body, possibly smiling more, those signals may have changed. They are finding you more approachable. You may have notice more men responding now because they are socially trained not to approach women generally but especially if she is giving ‘leave me alone’ vibes.

People are more likely to chat to/engage with a person who exude happiness and confidence rather than those who are stiff-bodied/poker faced.

Exactly.

A guy I knew for years was very overweight. Then he lost about 8 stone and phroar.
He is fat again now and - no thanks.

I must be a very shallow puddle.

But, you know, that is MY preference and I am allowed to find some people attractive, others not. I wouldnt change how I spoke to him though, just wouldnt give him that 2nd glance now that the men seem to be giving to OP

It is depressing that many people can only be civil to those they find attractive and many of these people are men. YANBU. But you have an advantage - you know what they are really like. Those who were kind to you before and after are truly lovely people

You’ve never noticed women acting in that manner because you’re a woman. I suspect most men who have had a glow-up have experienced women being a lot nicer to them. My friend’s DH used to have a terrible unkempt beard and big bushy hair and had generally low self-esteem and poor confidence. Eventually he decided he was going to go for a change and he went for a professional beard trim at a fancy barber’s and got a brilliant haircut and even had his eyebrows shaped and he noticed very soon that women were friendlier and smilier with him when he looked like a confident hot hipster lumberjack.

I’ve lost 5stone 3. Dress size 18/20 to 8/10. It has changed my health beyond anything I could imagine possible. However what it has done for my self confidence is off the scale. I am 64.
I am getting a LOT of male (and female) attention. My DH has always said that confidence is the single sexiest attractive quality in the sex you are interested in.
He is right.
This old lady is enjoying every minute of it having been invisible for a decade.

You cannot control how others behave only your reactions.

Nicer but in general I observe fewer women completely deny unattractive men the barest of civilities in the same way grown men do. Some men think nothing of verbally abusing a woman they deem unattractive for being unattractive. I see this far far less in women.

Women can be, too, and I’m sure that many short men would agree with me.

You're wrong.

It's not your sexual attractiveness
It's just your attractiveness.

And women who've recently lost weight are often more confident, upright, open faced and smiling compared to their previous selves. Many of my friends have also said that their sex drive has blossomed as they now like themselves more.

In any interaction there are two people. If you open the door to a delivery man and smile you'll get a whole different reaction than if you scowl. And that's at the same weight.

When I used to live in London everyone ignored me on the tube etc, and i ignored them.

Now that i no longer live there, i find that I'm relaxed and happier and make eye contact. Amazingly they respond positively.

Just enjoy the moment.

Yeah I guess I’m a very shallow person too. I just notice attractive men more, I never notice schlubby men. I don’t scorn or make fun of them, I just don’t see them I guess

Brilliant articulated comment.

@SharpBrickMaker i also do understand though my circumstances were slightly different. So I have very fine hair to the point where I had to use a scalp cover on the front and it was so stringy that I had to wear it up in a pony tail which made me feel very self conscious and unattractive indeed. I was in my 40s and no one other than the odd apprentice (and even then only occasionally) wore their hair like this.

So as I was literally getting bald spots from my alopecia, I had a hair system weaved in and suddenly I had locks of lovely hair framing my face. Nothing crazy just shoulder length same colour as previously. Nothing else changed, still had my modest clothing of trousers, flat shoes and no make up as usual. But oh my goodness, because I had a full head of hair now swirling around my face, security guards who’d previously ‘blanked’ - yes ‘blanked’ me(!) would call out a friendly ‘hey gorgeous’ as they passed by. I got very obviously stared at by men in the office and strangers in the street. It sounds ridiculous as I’m typing it like I’ve made it up but honestly I haven’t! And I could take no pleasure from it as I was gutted inside that I’d only have this hair as long as I could afford it and it was very expensive to maintain and I just felt awfully sad that my worth was tied so heavily to my appearance like this.

I should add that when I took a new job I let go of the hair system and some female friemds I remained in contact with made some cutting remarks about my appearance which saddened me further almost like they were rejoicing I was ‘less attractive’ again. It was all very weird and made me unhappy knowing that actually you, your kindness and hard working personality/ethics aren’t good enough 😐.

It's not about sex, at least not consciously. Beauty attracts, it's as simple as that. If you're now more attractive than before, you'll get noticed more.

I lost a lot of weight a while ago, and observed the EXACT same thing.

It's honestly wild how different people's attitudes are based on weight and appearance.

Because you are a picture of health. Quite Literally. You're healthier, you've taken care of your wellbeing. All of that shows. You might even have a beautiful glow, too. You probably don't notice because you see yourself every day. Don't hate people for noticing you've made the right choices and are settling a good example for everyone else. Be healthy and happy. Embrace your new lease of life.

I don’t think it’s as different as you think for overweight/unattractive men as it is for unattractive/overweight women. It’s a human problem.

Your husband sounds lovely, so I’d concentrate my energy there

Indeed, men and women spend mind blowing amounts on grooming, clothes, weight loss, cosmetic surgery etc etc … ultimately because people respond better to people who look good than those who don’t. And that makes us feel better. So we get the reward of feeling good, but the presentation itself is for other people.

It’s not that surprising that slimmer healthier people are found to be more attractive. Or “fuckable” as upthread.

In actual fact I remember doing something about this at university - it’s not always weight per se but waist to hip ratio. A certain measurement is associated with higher attractiveness and also fertility - suggesting that fertility is a driving force in sexual attraction.

And clearly she is legitimately angry that only now she is slim is she deemed worthy of basic manners, dignity and respect by men.

The trouble is that its not legitimate.
It's self indulgent to feel that the world should behave as you want it to or expect it to.

Basic manners: she wasn't treated badly before, just wasn't singled out for special attention. Men let her out into traffic before, now more men do.

Dignity: she wasn't derided AFAICS. OP doesn't report being shoved out of the way or knocked over. Just not given as much attention as she would have liked.

Respect: what has she done to earn respect? Respect should be earned not given to all otherwise it is worthless.

I wonder how much attention OP gives to old people, compared to people her own age??

People in general pay more attention to slimmer more attractive people… male or female, that’s just life!

I agree. But that affects the logic of my argument not one bit.

if women aren’t allowed to notice the behaviour of men as a group, then they can’t see sexism. Or structural inequality, the patriarchy, whatever you want to call it. It’s that straightforward.

I think you need to read the post I quoted.

@CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone oh here come the semantics police. 🙄 OP has conveyed that she was being treated better, why should she not expect that as a heavier version of herself? Shall we spend ages arguing about the definition of dignity, or just accept that she felt men afforded her better treatment because her body now meets beauty standards? So all men shouldn’t have basic manners towards women? I’d rather work towards a society where men and women show basic courtesy and kindness towards others, no matter what you look like.

Hi OP I wonder if it is more that you are noticing now. Perhaps these things always happened but due to confidence or not thinking you'd get attention you haven't noticed. Larger sized women get male attention too.
Whatever the reason don't give it any more headspace, it's not important or worth getting angry and bitter about.