To feel bitter towards people especially men since losing 8 stone.

[SharpBrickMaker]

I lost 8 stone and now im a size 10. I feel so much better, not to mention my back doesn't hurt anymore. Which was a major issue for me before.

I have male neighbours that now say hi to me. Who before didn't even know I existed..They seem quite offended when I dont want to chat. When im trying to cross the road more cars mainly men now stop to let me pass. Men now chat to me outside.
Delivery drivers who have been here before now are very talkative and helpful.

I love wearing dresses just now and feel very sexy in them. I've caught quite a few men stare at me and it makes me mad. I don't wear what I wear for them. I do it for me.

My husband has always found me attractive. He still can't keep his hands off me like before, He quite enjoys picking me up now I think. He has never based my worth on my weight or my attractiveness on it. Because of that I actually feel my love for him has grown.

That's the only reason I haven't turned full blown man hater just now I think

I think I heard about this. Never read it, though. I agree that it raises really interesting questions about how much is innate and how much is socialisation - even really early socialisation.

I think it’s odd that you are only realising now that people are attracted to slimmer, healthy-looking attractive people - this has always been the case. Are you really telling me that you never this? Surely you realise that if a sexy woman wears sexy clothes she will get served faster than the same woman in dowdy clothes, hair scarped back and no makeup?! I wear clothes for me and make up for me to make me feel good. It’s all for me but I’m not stupid enough to think men won’t look/act differently.

however, what I find utterly bizarre is this statement in your OP I love wearing dresses just now and feel very sexy in them. 1) these dresses are sexy, so how is it ok for you to feel sexy, but not for people to see you as sexy, and 2) if you feel sexy in them then you’re probably carrying yourself differently (more sexily) and this is appealing to men (which again shouldn’t be a surprise to you)

But OP, you say you like feeling sexy, but it's just for yourself. But if you think about it, it's rather a contradiction, since 'sexy' obviously involves being attractive in a sexual way. I do kind of get what you mean... You're enjoying feeling that your body is healthy and knowing that it looks nice. You're enjoying that for yourself, but it kind of goes with the territory to be receiving validation from others whether you were seeking it or not.

I do agree with others too, that confidence will play a part. Probably not the whole story, but still important. Think about it from this perspective... If someone has been very slim their whole life, and then gains weight to a size 16/18 for example, they may feel uncomfortable and lacking confidence in their new size, and their reactions from strangers may reflect this. Another person may have been much larger, and slimmed down to a size 16/18. The confidence boost means they dress better, and radiate confidence, and again, the reactions they receive from strangers may validate this.

Congratulations on the weight loss, it’s not easy whichever way people choose to do it.

My take from your post @SharpBrickMakeris that your husband sounds lovely. To have never treated you differently based on your weight is wonderful. Many people [try to] lose weight because their significant others make it clear they don’t fancy the person as much when bigger. I’ve been there and it’s soul destroying.

It’s very possible that previously you were subconsciously less confident and engaged less, and now you’re more confident you’re seeing what’s always been there. Although many people are “fattist” granted.

PLEASE enjoy your new body, health, confidence and the enduring love you and your DH have, and ignore the world’ arseholes.

I know a lot of women who have said this. They did not become bitter / man-hating but noticed how simple basic civility was something they experienced more from men when they became slim. They were more dumbstruck at how even just being civil and “nice” was something men reserve for women they deem fuckable.

They weren’t talking about romantic interest which they did not care about, but basic civility.

I went from thin to fat and noticed the same in reverse.

This is hardly breaking news @SharpBrickMaker Men are attracted to women who are slimmer. Hold the front page!

Tale as old as time. Men are attracted to what they see, women are attracted to what they hear.

The vast majority of people are more attractive slimmer, and the vast majority of people who drop from 18 stone to 10 stone are going to look better. Your naiveté is baffling. And your attitude to men is very strange. Of course men are going to find most women more attractive when slimmer. Many women will find men who are slimmer more attractive too.

I know what you mean op. It shows you their true colours. Men in the general population are unfortunately just like this. I am in my 40s now and feel a lot more invisible. Tbh, I prefer it to when I was in my 20s and got more male attention. It isn't always welcome or even a compliment as you know that if you clearly showed them you had no intention of having sex with them, they could turn nasty.

Anyway, your husband sounds like a real keeper so just be grateful you found one of those and not one of the ones you've encountered lately

I experienced this when I lost weight.

Once I'd gotten used to my new body size I think the knowledge is actually very empowering.

OK if people are going to treat me differently because of my weight I'm going to make doubly sure I treat everyone totally fairly and base my relationship with them on their personality and intelligence and what the right thing to do is, and not how much they flatter me.

Not their own mothers…that would be odd.

But a study showed that infants just a few days old spend more time looking at faces that adults rate as attractive, compared to less attractive faces. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1207/S15327078IN0102_8?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Well done on your achievement OP

Ignore the shallow men.

I had this on losing over 5 stone. Male colleagues and neighbors suddenly treated me and interacted with me completely differently to before. I suddenly existed to them. I saved my enery and friendship for the lovely men that respected and interacted with me when I was much larger.

It is a fact of life that, when someone becomes more physically attractive, they attract people. I experienced the same myself some years ago and have seen it with others.

It's nice to know your husband is constant regardless of how you look. You have a gem there!

Don't worry about it, enjoy being slim and lovely and dismiss shallow people from your life.

Never been fat. Always been invisible. I guess I have unattractive bones. That’s life! Some of us lost the genetic lottery. Count yourself lucky that you could get slim and suddenly be attractive and experience common courtesy from people.

I find the whole idea of neighbours and colleagues and randoms not even remotely acknowedging someone when they're fat, and then suddenly showering them with attention and wanting to engage with them and chat all day (when they lose weight) very odd.

I have been different sizes from a size 8 to a size 22 in the past 25-30 years - (between 9 stone and 15 and a half stone,) and I have never experienced people not speaking to me or ackowledging me when I'm fat. Yeah for sure, men don't look at me in a 'lustful' way when I'm fat, and I am more attractive thinner, and get more male attention then. But everyone talks to me.

I just don't see why people would refuse to talk to or acknowledge someone just because they are fat. Many people are fat/overweight. Half the population of the UK would be ignored by everyone thinner than them if this was the case.

I wonder if it's the person themselves. They feel awkward and uncomfortable at that weight, and don't look people in the eye or engage much themselves, and it's actually them who is not engaging.

No, she's annoyed they were barely civil to her before because she wasn't attractive to them.

What you're saying is that men are justified in treating women they find less attractive as less human than women they are attracted to.

If you tried really, really hard, it's possible that you could be more patronising.

I don’t think the being invisible when you’re overweight is limited to men, women do it to and change towards those who put on weight.

Are you surprised? Men are nicer to and stare at women they find attractive. Duh.

The study I read was definitely their own mothers - that was why it stuck in my mind.

Interesting as I never noticed / experienced this from women.

I had an identical experience in my twenties. All of a sudden everything I had to say was so interesting. I was excellent at my job. I deserved to be served at the bar first. Shop assistants were more helpful. The popular girls from school were delighted to run into me. Surreal.

People always said I had imagined it.

A few years ago I got cancer and lost all my hair. I was invisible unless the recipient of anger or frustration. One day I put on a platinum wig, sunglasses and a clingy dress. Smiles, offers of help, jokes, attention. Unbelievable.

I am less surprised more disappointed. Not talking about romantic interest. But that men reserve basic civility for women they deem attractive / fuckable is depressing. Especially when I have never noticed women acting in that manner.

I’ve lost 6.5 stone and noticed the same. I don’t hate all men in response but am saddened by the fattism. That said, I must be fattist myself to some degree to have felt I was worthless and unattractive when I was fat (if that makes sense) and better in myself now I am a healthy weight/size 10 too.

I do think people have subconscious negative attitudes towards overweight people - even knowing that weight gain is complex and that there are often medical and MH issues underlying most people’s excess weight. I think there is still an attitude that if you haven’t sought help or pulled your socks up to deal with your weight, you are someone weak, lazy or unintelligent, or in some other way flawed. You can see it in the WLI threads where people argue that only the weak/lazy/unintelligent should need them as other people are strong/committed/focused/intelligent enough to lose weight without them.