To feel bitter towards people especially men since losing 8 stone.

[SharpBrickMaker]

I lost 8 stone and now im a size 10. I feel so much better, not to mention my back doesn't hurt anymore. Which was a major issue for me before.

I have male neighbours that now say hi to me. Who before didn't even know I existed..They seem quite offended when I dont want to chat. When im trying to cross the road more cars mainly men now stop to let me pass. Men now chat to me outside.
Delivery drivers who have been here before now are very talkative and helpful.

I love wearing dresses just now and feel very sexy in them. I've caught quite a few men stare at me and it makes me mad. I don't wear what I wear for them. I do it for me.

My husband has always found me attractive. He still can't keep his hands off me like before, He quite enjoys picking me up now I think. He has never based my worth on my weight or my attractiveness on it. Because of that I actually feel my love for him has grown.

That's the only reason I haven't turned full blown man hater just now I think

I saw the comment about me breeding which FYI I already have 3 kids so far too late for that 😆 🤣
I'm 33 for who ever asked

@CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone
LOL a dogma that can’t withstand examination - are you having a laugh?! You are trying to fact check a situation where the OP has simply expressed her feelings and experience. Of course we can’t know exactly what the individuals in the scenario intended, said, or expressed. We just know what the OP has shared. But you’d rather assume that she is a bad actor who only now gives a damn about how people are treated because it affects her. That’s very cynical. Oh and god forbid we actually use labels like racist and misogynist. It’s just lazy to say that people who are able to accurately describe social systems and constructs are in some way hiding behind them. The only one trying to hide behind lots of words here is you. You’re here looking for an argument and fact checking what is essentially an unknowable situation, rather than any interest in helping, hearing or sympathising with a poster who is simply stating her feelings.

Omg I feel exactly the same! It’s so disgusting that we’re treated so much better by men when we’re slim! I know we can’t prove it because most of the time it’s different men to the ones we dealt with before but I am treated so much better, men happier to offer help at work, men at the restaurant giving better service etc . Hard to explain to people that haven’t lived it I think.

Hopefully I am going soon to achieve your loss story. I am fat but I cannot even make myself look at a fat man. Sorry fat men. Nice athletic man for me, even though I am short, fat and older - but that is my choice and my husband did not have a choice lol....I was skinny, grew bigger and trying to go back again

Just the way it is - you can be as defensive as you like.
There is an element of nature in this - we seek out heathly attractive opposites because its the best way to ensure the survival of our species.
Tainted people (of which fat is one) are more likely to suffer illness disease and lower mortality.
Be grateful you have a partner who values your worth.

Fat ugly men experience exactly the same as the OP did. It's not a female only problem

It's usually the men that don't understand that self-presentation affects the way you are received and perceived - rolling out of bed into unclean work clothes, barely even brushing their teeth, let alone showering.

Newsflash: personal appearance matters.

Congrats on your journey! @SharpBrickMaker I get the rawness of the realisation of the importance of appearance but focus on the positives. Enjoy your healthy marriage - your husband sounds wonderful.

I understand how you feel. I had chronic acne from the age of 13 until my late 30s. I was used to getting looks of revulsion or people not wanting to talk to me (luckily I did also have a good friend and two long-term partners during that time). I had the strongest drugs known to medicine, did every skin routine known, but my cystic acne didn't shift until my hormones changed.

When it finally went, suddenly I was getting second looks, leering from cars, and offers of drinks, etc. I've always loved having a good old flirt, but very much in an intellectual way. What I hate is the overt look you up and down, checking you out creepy nonsense. Like you say, it comes from the people who wouldn't have given you a second of their time before, they're not interested in you, they only want to get your attention to flatter their own egos. Yuk, those people are not worth your time.

Why get annoyed? It's just what happens when you lose alot of weight....people do treat you differently.
Same thing happened to me but if I'm being honest I dress nicer, take better care of myself and act more confidently now too so I'm sure that makes a big difference. In fact there is only one man I knew who was markedly nicer to me because I lost weight (he was very bad at hiding his disgust for fat people).

TBH mostly it's kinda funny. Especially when your neighbours think you've moved out and they are talking to a stranger!😄

I’ve gone the other way. I’ve developed a permanent facial disfigurement. No male attention now, apart from the pity look! And people don’t take much notice when I speak.

At least if you’re fat you can lose weight.

It’s a bit hypocritical that you’re being kinder to yourself now you’re slimmer, allowing yourself to enjoy wearing clothes and allowing yourself to feel sexy, yet you’re cross about other people being kinder to you.

If your own feelings about yourself have improved with your weight loss, why wouldn’t others? They’re possibly just reacting to your improved confidence 🤷‍♀️

I was here to express an opinion (still permitted last time i looked) and for discussion.

All I got was a diatribe from you and you still have not engaged with my premise.

I have responded to every thing you said but you then just swerve onto a different attack.

I hope, when you get older, that you learn to talk with people, not just at them, and perhaps also start putting your mantra of kindness into action.

I'm done responding to you.

When you lose that much weight it hits home how shallow people are. There are some people who will love you and find you attractive or want to be your friend at any weight. To other people you would have been invisible pre weight loss.

And women are well known for chatting to overweight men are they?

You are being ridiculous OP, just enjoy your new body and don't worry about anyone else. Honestly, the petty things which seem to irritate people is mindblowing

@SouthernNights59 what a ridiculous thing to say. I literally speak to overweight and obese men and women every day! My best friends are overweight/ obese (but losing). I’m proud of them, compliment them and cheer them on because why wouldn’t I?

Many women are very shallow, too. When I was young and attractive I received a lot of hate from older women.

Just be happy in yourself. And well done on the weight loss.

Yes, I have yo yo'd in weight and the difference is stark.

I liked the invisibility of being overweight but didn't enjoy the outright hostility from men. It's like they think 'how dare you take up space in my air'.

Carry on ignoring them, OP. You don't owe them a smile or chit chat.

There could be a chance it's confirmation bias, especially with your neighbours – who's to say? Regardless, there's zero point being bitter about it. Let it go.

I don't wear what I wear for them. I do it for me.

I get this is meant to be an assertion of your autonomy, but it's off. Your sense of what is sexy, desirable or powerful is deeply shaped by cultural and social forces – many of which are historically filtered through male-centred lenses. The very idea is still informed by external standards.

My point being is that it's inherently self-contradictory, and even less point being bitter about it.

I think you're missing the point that these men only began looking at OP once she lost the weight. She's not accusing men who did look while she was overweight if judging her.

Everyone reacts more positively to people who are physically attractive. Men and women. That’s just normal and you can deny it all you want but we all do it.

I never really got this, men and women always treated me as I treated them, but I’m confident and outgoing. I lost 6 and a half stone. Yes of course men pay more Romantic type attention than before, we all know both genders prefer someone a healthy weight, in the main (so not everyone), physically, but people have always been courteous to me.

i do wonder if part of it is your own confidence and how you behaved when you were heavier, were you approachable or did you try to hide away.

I really think it’s important not to over think these things and get all hung up on it. Just get on with your life.

People of a healthy weight are more attractive to the majority of others. It's a fact of life. Just as most women tend to prefer Jacob Elordi to some fat bloke at the pub.

Yes, the nicest time I was hit on in public, I was wearing a nice, quirky outfit. A young man came over, told me I was beautifully dressed, and asked if I had a boyfriend. I did, and he said "lucky man", and left me to it.

On another couple of occasions, I remember a couple of very old men (very clearly well beyond hitting on young women!), one called me a lovely girl (in a true Father Ted Irish accent), and another said I made his day in that lovely bright dress.

On all these occasions I was probably about a size 14, but I was dressed nicely because I was out and about having fun.

As are many women…

I see this kind of thing come up on here a lot and it staggers me how people get all twisted and bitter, like they were entitled to attention before and people saying hello to them.

everyone knows people find healthy weight folks more attractive in general
when we are obese we often behave differently, we don’t make eye contact, we try to hide away, when a healthy weight that behaviour an change, we become more confident,

turning youself into a self proclaimed man hater, and going on about how much your husband fancies you is jist plain odd in my view. You’re too invested in other people and what they think of you.

just enjoy your life and stop with all the silliness.