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AIBU?

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Original poster

How would your husband react to coming home and finding ex sat in the kitchen?

275 replies

Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:03

how would your husband react to this….

You and your newly married husband decide to go on a date as you have been a bit like passing ships due to work commitments.

Husband very apologetically cancels. And you accept that.

Very last minute you decide you’re not going to stay in and get a takeaway you will go out as you’re only young once (I’m 31). After having wfh for a few days and not really left the house. You message around and one of the people who is free for a meal and a drink is your ex who you have absolutely no feelings for anymore. You only dated for 6 months and were friends for many years before dating. And still are.

You agree ex will pick you up. As you finish curling your hair your husband comes home. He has not checked his phone where you informed him of everything that is going on.

The marriage is very heathy. Controlling behaviour and possessiveness is not really accepted by either party.

How would your husband feel/react in this situation?

Husband is aware his wife has never cheated and would never after having a very traumatic experience involving infidelity

OP posts:
Cerialkiller · 04/10/2025 10:08

So husband comes home to find his wife primping herself to go out for a 'date' with her ex?

I think he would be understandably annoyed, even with the messages.

Also the husband doesn't 'know' wife wouldn't cheat, no one knows, they assume, they hope but that's about as much assurance you get. If their wife kept going out with other men who were previous sexual partners that assurance might start to wear thin.

Bruisername · 04/10/2025 10:08

I find it odd he didn’t check his phone as surely if he could get home early he would have messaged to let you know so can’t get past that tbh!!

Ciderapplevinegar · 04/10/2025 10:09

Well it definitely feels like a spite move. I'm very chilled and trust my DH, but I'd find it weird to be replaced on date night by an ex.

NorthernLass2025 · 04/10/2025 10:09

I wouldnt have to consider how my hubby would react as I would never put myself in this situation almost publicly showing your out on a date with ex, not for me.

Booksandcheese · 04/10/2025 10:10

Well, he'd probably not be best pleased. But it depends. Is this someone you regularly socialise with on your own and your husband is OK with? Otherwise it would look like you were getting ready to go on a date.

winter8090 · 04/10/2025 10:13

I don’t think the question should be how the husband would react.
The question is why are you going on a date with your ex?
Why are you even in touch with your ex. Your married. Move on.

Original poster
Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:13

Booksandcheese · 04/10/2025 10:10

Well, he'd probably not be best pleased. But it depends. Is this someone you regularly socialise with on your own and your husband is OK with? Otherwise it would look like you were getting ready to go on a date.

Yes, we regularly grab drinks after work. Once or twice a month. Husband has a very unsocial job so I have to be quite independent and self sufficient

OP posts:
MagicalMystical · 04/10/2025 10:13

It really doesn’t matter how other people would feel or react, it’s how your husband reacted and that is valid (unless he was verbally or physically abusive).

Talk to him, listen to him, have him listen to you. This is about gaining insight into how each of you feels, not asking other people to invalidate either of your feelings or experiences by saying they would behave differently,

By the way, have you watched couples therapy in BBC iPlayer? It’s a fascinating insight into how couples can work things through by giving each other space.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 04/10/2025 10:13

I think this looks petty by the party going out. It feels a bit like if you won’t take me out I’ll find a man who will.

Original poster
Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:14

winter8090 · 04/10/2025 10:13

I don’t think the question should be how the husband would react.
The question is why are you going on a date with your ex?
Why are you even in touch with your ex. Your married. Move on.

It’s not a date. Is going to the pub with your mum a date?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:14

Btw there was absolutely no spite involved. Just a person not wanting to rot their life away on a sofa

OP posts:
Bigtreeesss · 04/10/2025 10:15

This is so odd, why does being young mean you have to go on a date with your ex? Just because your husband had to cancel the date

surely you just rearrange the date? Sounds like your dh was back in time to have still gone out? So why all the drama

do you not have friends/ a social life outside of your husband?
I can’t imagine why cancelling one date is now catastrophised into rotting on the sofa 🤣

Robertplantgoddess · 04/10/2025 10:15

Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:14

It’s not a date. Is going to the pub with your mum a date?

Show quote history

But you wouldn't be asking if you were going to the pub with your mum so you know it's different.

Robertplantgoddess · 04/10/2025 10:17

If husband comes home is that it for the night? Could you not just cancel your friend as its not a date and explain you are having date night with husband?

TheGreatWesternShrew · 04/10/2025 10:19

There’s a difference between your mate/ex nipping round for a cuppa or meeting them for a pint and you primping to go out with them alone and then picking you up. Husband wouldn’t love it considering it looks like a date.

Avantiagain · 04/10/2025 10:20

My husband wouldn't say anything and would trust me that nothing is going on but I wouldn't do it because I don't think that something that looks like you are going out on a date is appropriate with an ex when you are married.

MasterBeth · 04/10/2025 10:20

"How would your husband react..?" An impossible question to answer as I wouldn't put myself in that situation.

How did your husband react?

MemorableTrenchcoat · 04/10/2025 10:21

Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:14

It’s not a date. Is going to the pub with your mum a date?

Show quote history

Presumably you've never shagged your mum.

SnowFrogJelly · 04/10/2025 10:22

Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:14

Btw there was absolutely no spite involved. Just a person not wanting to rot their life away on a sofa

Sounds like you were trying to get back at your DH.. don’t blame him if he’s not happy

Comedycook · 04/10/2025 10:22

I think the wife in this situation needs to work on making some friends.

GFBurger · 04/10/2025 10:22

I would say that if the husband and wife hadn’t seen each other enough, then the night should have been about spending time together whether that was inside or outside.

And the choice to spend it with anyone else was the problem.

Shutuptrevor · 04/10/2025 10:23

Your title doesn’t accurately describe your scenario.

My husband would be absolutely fine in my ex was sat in the kitchen, because we co-parent amicably and it would probably be some sort of handover point or joint family occasion.

If I was dolling myself up to go out for dinner alone with my ex, I think I would need to have a good look at myself and examine why I thought that was appropriate; regardless of whether he came home or even knew about it.

Original poster
Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:25

I have extremely fine hair. I don’t go to Tesco without running a curling iron in my hair. 2 min job

OP posts:
tiredangry · 04/10/2025 10:27

Husband would be justifiably really pissed off.

maudelovesharold · 04/10/2025 10:29

I think you’re being somewhat disingenuous. Most people would have ‘read the room’ a little more sensitively and thought better of it, whatever your original motivation was.