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Original poster

How would your husband react to coming home and finding ex sat in the kitchen?

275 replies

Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:03

how would your husband react to this….

You and your newly married husband decide to go on a date as you have been a bit like passing ships due to work commitments.

Husband very apologetically cancels. And you accept that.

Very last minute you decide you’re not going to stay in and get a takeaway you will go out as you’re only young once (I’m 31). After having wfh for a few days and not really left the house. You message around and one of the people who is free for a meal and a drink is your ex who you have absolutely no feelings for anymore. You only dated for 6 months and were friends for many years before dating. And still are.

You agree ex will pick you up. As you finish curling your hair your husband comes home. He has not checked his phone where you informed him of everything that is going on.

The marriage is very heathy. Controlling behaviour and possessiveness is not really accepted by either party.

How would your husband feel/react in this situation?

Husband is aware his wife has never cheated and would never after having a very traumatic experience involving infidelity

OP posts:
ginasevern · 04/10/2025 12:20

@Whaney "Is going to the pub with your mum a date?"

This wasn't your mum though was it. Don't be so bloody daft.

FeelinTwentySixPointTwo · 04/10/2025 12:21

I'm friends with my ex and my DH is good friends with him too. In this situation he would say hi to the ex and we'd all stay in and have drinks/takeaway together.

But then as this thread proves, each situation is different and it entirely depends on circumstance.

While all those saying "how can you be friends with your ex" are very narrow minded in my view; equally you don't come across well here OP.

FeelinTwentySixPointTwo · 04/10/2025 12:21

I'm friends with my ex and my DH is good friends with him too. In this situation he would say hi to the ex and we'd all stay in and have drinks/takeaway together.

But then as this thread proves, each situation is different and it entirely depends on circumstance.

While all those saying "how can you be friends with your ex" are very narrow minded in my view; equally you don't come across well here OP.

Nestingbirds · 04/10/2025 12:21

To be honest op, I wouldn’t trust you an inch given what you have said.

You are already bored, this is not a good sign. It sounds like you are readying the script already that you were lonely and bored, and what does everyone expect when you are passing ships. You needed some attention from somewhere. You have lined up your excuses already knowingly or unknowingly.

Londonismyjam · 04/10/2025 12:23

I would tell your husband to LTB

(edited due to inappropriate emoji - should have been 🙄)

Nestingbirds · 04/10/2025 12:24

In your place - you should have stayed at home with dh and ex and ordered food in. If he is such a good friend that should have been fine. I can’t believe you just went out and left your dh at home 😳

I would have left there and then if my dh had done this! Bloody hell.

pigsDOfly · 04/10/2025 12:25

So your husband comes home to find your ex sitting in the kitchen and you're, what, at that point, upstairs curling your hair?

I imagine most husbands would, quite rightly, be pretty pissed off about it; ex making themselves at home, wife titivating herself to go out on a date with ex?

How were you expecting your husband to react?

Rose213 · 04/10/2025 12:26

Lmaoo it would be marriage over. You can't be that stupid surely.

malificent7 · 04/10/2025 12:27

If I was the husband I'd be very hurt and as a wife it would be a hard no from me.

LondonLady1980 · 04/10/2025 12:28

Bloody Hell OP.

There's no way I would ever do this to my DH and nor would he do it to me.

It's not about being controlling and possessive, its about having a normal level of respect for each other.

I am honestly gob-smacked and baffled that you don't see how inappropriate your actions were.

This can't be true
Nobody could be this stupid 😂

gonepottyy · 04/10/2025 12:28

You don’t really sound mature enough for married life. Perhaps try again in a few years.

TippityTappity · 04/10/2025 12:31

My DP would be very upset by this scenario and I would feel the same if the shoe was on the other foot. Can’t imagine walking into our home and seeing DP’s ex sat there waiting to be wined and dined by my man 🤢🤣 Nope!

CallItLoneliness · 04/10/2025 12:34

Someone I could call an ex is right now downstairs chatting with my DH while my DC play computer games. My DH's closest thing to a recent ex is in our friendship group. Either one of us would wish the other well and get on with it.

CarpeVitam · 04/10/2025 12:38

You are being disingenuous, OP and you know it! 🤷‍♀️

Clonakilla · 04/10/2025 12:39

There’s no such thing as people who ‘don’t have that gene’. Idiots who think they can never cheat have no reason to modify their behaviour to actually ensure it never happens. They walk right into it:

I find it very surprising that the only person available happened to be an ex on a night when you feel let down by your husband. It is of course also absurdly dramatic to pretend that the only options are ‘rotting life away’ or going out with an ex.

butterpuffed · 04/10/2025 12:40

Your ex took two tubes and a train to meet up with you at very short notice, which implies he's still keen on you . You were stringing him along and treating your new husband very badly .

SwimBikeRunBake · 04/10/2025 12:41

So you and your husband were going to have a date night because you haven't seen much of each other due to work commitments. You husband apologetically cancelled, did he cancel the date only, not spending time with you, and that the alternative plan was for you to get a takeaway?

Were you still planning on spending the time together? Because if this was the case it seems that you didn't really want to spend time with your husband, unless he was taking you out?

I expect your husband was hurt that you chose a night out over spending quality time with him. The fact you went out with your ex might probably rubbed salt into the wound.

whataweekImhaving · 04/10/2025 12:45

Yeah, your husband didn’t cancel.

he was working late and wanted to stay in with a takeaway instead.

and instead, you got yourself dolled up to go out with an ex and are asking if that’s ok BlushConfused

harriethoyle · 04/10/2025 12:47

I’d be pretty livid if my husband did this to me. But you are clearly lacking in empathy @Whaney because you don’t appear to understand why…

outerspacepotato · 04/10/2025 12:52

You had a date set up with you husband, he canceled, so you substituted your ex.

It was a date.

You're not young, you're 31.

That was a spiteful retaliatory move and if this is how you normally operate when things don't go your way, I'm thinking your marriage will not be a long and happy one.

Taking your ex on what should have been a date with your husband would be a relationship ender for more than a few.

gonepottyy · 04/10/2025 12:52

Was this the reason the guy in the kitchen is now an ex? Sounds like you’ll have another ex soon

sesquipedalian · 04/10/2025 12:53

“You message around and one of the people who is free for a meal and a drink is your ex”

Stop right there - what are you messaging your ex for? I wouldn’t be at all impressed if my DH was messaging his ex for anything that wasn’t children- related.

”he’s very off with me after exchanging words when I came home”

I bet he is - he probably thinks you look up with your ex whenever he’s not available - that’s not nice, OP.

“I begged husband to join us but he declined.”

I’s astounded that you would think he would do anything else. Why didn’t ex leave as soon as DH came home? Why on earth would you think DH would want to keep company with DEx?

“I view my ex more as a friend”

So you may, but your DH clearly doesn’t - so keep clear of your ex if you want a happy marriage. Frankly, OP, you’re being astonishingly unreasonable - leave your ex in the past, where he belongs.

BuckChuckets · 04/10/2025 12:57

Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:14

It’s not a date. Is going to the pub with your mum a date?

Show quote history

Not unless you'd had a previous sexual relationship with your mum, no.

Inglot · 04/10/2025 12:58

Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:14

It’s not a date. Is going to the pub with your mum a date?

Show quote history

What a bizarre comparison. It’s weird because it’s someone you’ve been romantically involved with and possibly slept with.

Yesiamtiredactually · 04/10/2025 13:02

Rather than what my husband would think, I know what I would think if the roles were reversed and I got back from work to find him getting ready to go out with his ex, regardless to whether he says he has no feelings for anymore and tells me that he doesn’t possess the cheating gene(?). I would feel like it was really disrespectful. I would feel like him choosing to go out for dinner with his ex (which is almost universally accepted as date territory) was him choosing to look outside of our relationship to satisfy some need, and instead of choosing to prioritise our marriage and really think about what needs to be true for our marriage to survive and for us to both be truly happy together, he looked for instant gratification in the form of an almost booty call by choosing a meal with his ex.

There are so many other better options that you could have chosen if you valued your husband’s feelings. It’s not about never spending time with the opposite sex, and it’s not even about never being able to be friends with an ex, in this specific circumstance you were the one who did wrong. Your husband is not being possessive in my view and if for goodness knows what reason this happened in my marriage, the other party would 100% have to expect and accept whatever consequences came from their choices to disregard the others feelings.

I hope you can step out of yourself and see that you are not the victim in this and if you truly love your husband and want this marriage to survive the you have some serious apologising to do and some changes in the way you think to make.