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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would your husband react to coming home and finding ex sat in the kitchen?

275 replies

Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:03

how would your husband react to this….

You and your newly married husband decide to go on a date as you have been a bit like passing ships due to work commitments.

Husband very apologetically cancels. And you accept that.

Very last minute you decide you’re not going to stay in and get a takeaway you will go out as you’re only young once (I’m 31). After having wfh for a few days and not really left the house. You message around and one of the people who is free for a meal and a drink is your ex who you have absolutely no feelings for anymore. You only dated for 6 months and were friends for many years before dating. And still are.

You agree ex will pick you up. As you finish curling your hair your husband comes home. He has not checked his phone where you informed him of everything that is going on.

The marriage is very heathy. Controlling behaviour and possessiveness is not really accepted by either party.

How would your husband feel/react in this situation?

Husband is aware his wife has never cheated and would never after having a very traumatic experience involving infidelity

OP posts:
HelpMeUnpickThis · 04/10/2025 10:29

Whaney · 04/10/2025 10:25

I have extremely fine hair. I don’t go to Tesco without running a curling iron in my hair. 2 min job

@Whaney

You can’t seem to see anything potentially wrong or upsetting with what you did, so why did you ask?

crivit · 04/10/2025 10:30

I've just asked and, other than being confused as to why he hadn't checked his phone, he has zero problem with it shrug

ApricotCheesecake · 04/10/2025 10:30

It's an unfortunate situation and no one is really to blame, but tbh I can imagine my (very chilled, not jealous) DH being quite annoyed in this scenario.

andthat · 04/10/2025 10:32

This wouldn’t bother my husband at all as our marriage is very strong and he knows I’ve got neither the time or the inclination to look outside of it.

Lairymary · 04/10/2025 10:32

Wife sounds spiteful and/ or completely self absorbed. Essentially going on a date with an ex, jaysus.

ChaToilLeam · 04/10/2025 10:32

My DP would not mind under usual circumstances as he knows and is friends with many of my exes. And the other way round too.

But honestly, this reads like a spite move - as it was originally your date night.

despairofbadscience · 04/10/2025 10:33

Look you were obviously angry at your husband for cancelling. Maybe you had good reason to be.

It’s not a good start to a marriage to play these games. Just communicate with him.

Bundleflower · 04/10/2025 10:34

I think this would seriously put my relationship on the rocks. And the same if it was the other way around.

How did your husband react?

It feels like you’ve done it to prove some point and it’s back fired.

SeaAndStars · 04/10/2025 10:39

This is such a peculiar original post. The title doesn't match the story.

The bit about curling hair makes it read like a naff short story from Womens Weekly.

Bruisername · 04/10/2025 10:39

Honestly, you resent your DH job. That’s not going to get better tbh (have that t shirt) so you need to decide if you’re happy with that future.

Goditsmemargaret · 04/10/2025 10:40

Well my DH definitely wouldn't mind if I was going out for dinner with my pal. I am friends with someone who could be referred to as an ex but neither me, nor DH think of them like that.

However if DH and I were supposed to be having a takeaway together and he was coming home for that then yes he would be justifiably furious.

How did your DH react?

OutingHobbyWife · 04/10/2025 10:42

He'd say "who on earth is that?!", given we've been together the best part of 30 years and he's never met my ex! Vice versa would be a "what the fuck?" from me - I have met her and she was lovely but again not seen for a similar length of time - dh not given to gratuitous profanity as much as I.

But on a night when I'd been planning a date with my husband, would I choose to go out with another man? No.

CautiousLurker01 · 04/10/2025 10:43

So he arrives home before you’ve left… so date night could have been back on? Perhaps he felt bad cancelling on you and rushed through work to get back earlier only to find you’d replaced him with another available male. Maybe he had thought/planned that you could go out together after all and having moved on to find a substitute - a man you once dated - he was deeply hurt? Perhaps your response to him arriving should have been - great, you can join us now!

I think my DH would be confused, hurt and rather annoyed in those circumstances… but in 33 years I’ve never gone looking for someone else to go drinking with if my DH was stuck at work.

Jellybunny56 · 04/10/2025 10:43

Husband wouldn’t be happy with that and neither would I. If the only person you can find to grab a meal with is an ex then you need more friends and stronger boundaries.

CameForAVacationStayedForTheRevolution · 04/10/2025 10:44

Ciderapplevinegar · 04/10/2025 10:09

Well it definitely feels like a spite move. I'm very chilled and trust my DH, but I'd find it weird to be replaced on date night by an ex.

This. After 25 years of marriage one of my top tips would be don’t start playing games and trying to point score or prove a point. No good will come of it.

Mewling · 04/10/2025 10:47

So, how did he react @Whaney?

AntiBullshit · 04/10/2025 10:47

I wouldn’t have an ex in phone but I’m in the boat with once teh relationship is over the person is deleted.
Even if I did I would not be asking them to go out for the evening because my OH had to cancel. Why would you do that to your DH

even if this is a reverse - either way it’s a shitty thing to do

Cadenza12 · 04/10/2025 10:47

You're not single. Generally speaking going on dates is generally frowned upon by the other party.

B1anche · 04/10/2025 10:48

You make comments like "I'm only young once", "don't want to rot away on the sofa", "husband has unsocial job". It sounds like you are pissed off with your husband and you are trying to provoke him. In fact you sound really rather mean and spiteful.

If my husband got himself all dolled up to spend an evening out with his ex just because I've been busy with work, I would feel very hurt and would probably have to rethink our relationship.

WilfredsPies · 04/10/2025 10:48

I don’t think he’d be over the moon about it, and this is the man who was ok with me going to the other end of the country to visit an ex I was still friends with, who was ill in hospital.

I think I might also be quite annoyed with him that he hadn’t messaged me to let me know he was on his way home so that I could spend the evening with him, rather than anyone else.

ohdelay · 04/10/2025 10:48

It sounds very playground, trying to make the boy you fancy jealous by giving attention to someone else, except you're married. Couldn't be dealing with that level of drama and would move on quick.

GlastoNinja · 04/10/2025 10:49

He wouldn’t be happy and I wouldn’t blame him.

shhblackbag · 04/10/2025 10:49

MemorableTrenchcoat · 04/10/2025 10:21

Presumably you've never shagged your mum.

Show quote history

Quite. As if it's remotely the same.

B1anche · 04/10/2025 10:49

You definitely need to make more friends if your only option for a night out is your ex.

Mymanyellow · 04/10/2025 10:51

I’ve never understood why people are friends with their exes. If there are children involved then have a civil co parenting relationship.
I wouldn’t be best pleased in the reverse situation in fact I’d be spitting.