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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New neighbour AIBU?

206 replies

Foxyloxymoxy · 04/10/2025 09:31

Our new neighbour knocked on the door just a while ago asking if my Dh who they’ve never met would come in and help them erect their shed. I said that we have plans and we would be out for most of the day. To which she replied “I’d like to do it before it gets dark, we have lots to put in there so we can sort out the house”. To be honest, I didn’t know what to say to that. At this point my dh came to the door , she repeated the question and he hesitated (diy is not his forte!) and said pretty much what I had said. She asked, could he do it later and he replied not really because he has to pack because he’s going away tomorrow. She got a bit upset, said okay and walked off. Are we being unreasonable to have refused?

OP posts:
rwalker · 04/10/2025 10:31

2 options

  1. cheeky fucker
  2. massively stuck and no one else to ask
lazyarse123 · 04/10/2025 10:31

My dh started helping a neighbour. He did her garden then laid her kitchen floor which she somehow managed to flood so he took it back up and relaid it. Me and the kids helped her too. She started coming to talk to him when he got home from work asking for little jobs to be done and he went straight over because they'd only be 5 or 10 minute things. I did tell him to come in to see me first as it really wasn't good that he went straight to hers. He looked at me like I'd got 2 heads because he just thought it was quicker to go do whatever instead of coming in and then going out again. He can be a bit thick.
Anyway things settled down and we asked if she could help us one Saturday morning for an hour and she said no. So he stopped helping and she told another neighbour that she'd had to stop him coming over as he was hitting on her. I told everybody what she'd done and told her she was absolutely out of order.
It's really not worth being helpful and it's a bit sad.

Shutuptrevor · 04/10/2025 10:40

Do you get any of those local directory booklets? If you do they’ve usually got a handyman ad in. I’d drop one through the door with a note saying “Welcome to Arcadia Avenue! So sorry we can’t help with shed but found this and thought it might might be helpful; by the way bin day is Thursday” type thing?

Goditsmemargaret · 04/10/2025 10:48

Yes some people need to be stopped in their tracks. It's bizarre that she would ask with expectation that you'll agree.

I had a friend like this. She is no longer my friend.

My DH was requested to do some DIY which he did happily. Then again which was a bit of a suprise but we said ok then requested again. I said no and she went directly to him. He told me. I was not impressed at all and told her again no and to please not ask again.

Her dad and her brother did all the major jobs in the house.

Her neighbour put her garden patio down. His wife was visibly annoyed.

An older married man installed her bathroom and tried it on with her (her words). She rebuffed him as he's too old and she finds him highly unattractive. The fact we know his wife seems irrelevant. I have since become close with his wife. I've never said anything as I have very limited information but I hate that I know anything.

Cheekyhippy · 04/10/2025 10:53

Foxyloxymoxy · 04/10/2025 09:35

I think she underestimated the task or thought it would arrive made…I’m so confused at the request to be honest. And now I keep thinking is she going to keep asking all week?

Show quote history

Just say no sorry we’re busy but I’m sure you can post on the local Facebook group for a handyman!

MyLimeGuide · 04/10/2025 10:56

What a horrendous woman.

Everythinghascrumbled · 04/10/2025 10:56

Oh god this sounds like the start of a nightmare neighbour like we have. She’s constantly wanting dh to help with things. Every morning if it’s raining she’s texting to ask can he give her and her ds a lift to school . If he’s in the garden she will ask can he cut her grass too. She joined the same gym and wanted me to babysit so they could go together 🤦 complete nightmare

Original poster
Foxyloxymoxy · 04/10/2025 10:57

ThirdStorm · 04/10/2025 10:24

Wow what a CF. That really was a “no because I don’t want to” moment wasn’t it! I’m not sure I’d want to build my own shed let alone someone else’s!

We didn’t even build our own we made sure that was in the price 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Catwalking · 04/10/2025 11:00

If it were me, I’d not ever answer the door to her again!

tripleginandtonic · 04/10/2025 11:09

I'd have helped out to be neighbourly, or at least to get her started

ChiliFiend · 04/10/2025 11:13

Obviously you were right to say no, but it would have been better if you or your husband had said "no, I'm no good at DIY unfortunately!" or similar, so that it was clear he was never going to do it - if you try to fob her off by saying you're busy, she'll just keep trying to find a time when you're not busy. Some people need you to be crystal clear as they can't/won't take hints.

CallieG · 04/10/2025 11:21

A total stranger comes to your door, demanding that your husband help “us” (which assumes she has a husband of her own) erect a garden shed, talk about entitled, what a cheek.

they must have friends & relatives of their own who could help, yet she wants a total stranger ???

You said No. That Was enough. You have no reason to feel guilty, their shed is not your problem.

Frugalgal · 04/10/2025 11:21

Everythinghascrumbled · 04/10/2025 10:56

Oh god this sounds like the start of a nightmare neighbour like we have. She’s constantly wanting dh to help with things. Every morning if it’s raining she’s texting to ask can he give her and her ds a lift to school . If he’s in the garden she will ask can he cut her grass too. She joined the same gym and wanted me to babysit so they could go together 🤦 complete nightmare

How does your neighbour have your phone numbers to be texting or know what gym he goes to?

BeenzManeenz · 04/10/2025 11:26

No you're not being unreasonable. That's so weird!

If you were long time neighbours who helped each other loads then that's one thing (even then, perfectly reasonable to say you're busy), but a new neighbour who you barely know?! God no.

Be careful saying yes to anything because she sounds like a CF who will keep coming back.

Sera1989 · 04/10/2025 11:26

I sound horrible but don’t do her any favours unless it’s an emergency. She’s already proven herself to be a CF and I’ve read too many threads on here about neighbours expecting the people next door to help them run their lives!
Tell her you’re busy, you don’t know how to do that, you’ve got a bad back, you’re rarely at home etc. etc. Lots of excuses and no promises, only recommendations for tradespeople

Clychaugog · 04/10/2025 11:27

Wow, there are some mean people on here. Very glad I live in a place where the community help each other with stuff like this.

It's nice to be nice. I'd have helped out.

BeenzManeenz · 04/10/2025 11:30

Clychaugog · 04/10/2025 11:27

Wow, there are some mean people on here. Very glad I live in a place where the community help each other with stuff like this.

It's nice to be nice. I'd have helped out.

Either you have no life, or you're fibbing.

To expect someone at the drop of the hat to spend their day doing DIY for you is very cheeky. Community is one thing but taking the piss out of someone you barely know is quite another.

Cherrysoup · 04/10/2025 11:30

Everythinghascrumbled · 04/10/2025 10:56

Oh god this sounds like the start of a nightmare neighbour like we have. She’s constantly wanting dh to help with things. Every morning if it’s raining she’s texting to ask can he give her and her ds a lift to school . If he’s in the garden she will ask can he cut her grass too. She joined the same gym and wanted me to babysit so they could go together 🤦 complete nightmare

I hope he’s told her to take a hike!

lovemycbf · 04/10/2025 11:32

Keep saying no to things as she will keep asking and expecting more and more

Plumnora · 04/10/2025 11:34

Before I'd read the whole post I thought thought it was fine for her to ask for help- as a single woman with kids I've often had to ask neighbours for help, but then reading that she seemed to be almost expecting it and then getting annoyed changed my mind!! She didn't know you, she hadn't already asked and been promised help - you had no idea who she was!
So no, you YAdefinitelyNBU!!
Perhaps she's moved from somewhere where she had a neighbour who helped and she's got used to it. Seems odd behaviour though, considering she'd never spoken to you before!

Jellybunny56 · 04/10/2025 11:38

If she was asking for help with a specific part of the task I’d have helped & my husband would have too, but “putting together a shed” in it’s entirety would always be a big fat no from me! Even if we didn’t have plans, I’m not spending my weekend building someone else’s bloody shed- we paid the company we bought ours from to build it for exactly this reason!

A small job or help that would take say 30 mins- yep, I’m happy to help if available. But putting together a shed could be hours & hours, nope.

TheRemedyQueen · 04/10/2025 11:40

I think you have to draw a boundary regarding this kind of request that is clear and specific, not just an excuse that can be got around with the request coming back at a later date.

I would say that you know you live nearby but you don't live there to service anyone's specific DIY needs. Direct her towards Task Rabbit and other handymen if you know of any.

You can also say "I'm sorry we can't help with that kind of thing, try looking up someone professional who lives locally who can do it for you"

Friendlygingercat · 04/10/2025 11:46

Time to nip this in the bud before it escalates.

My technique now with cheeky requests is to say I will think about it then give them a price if I decide to do it. This ends the conversation pretty sharply because these people want help for free.

I am 81 and disabled with arthritis so my days of helping others have pretty much gone. If I need help I call my handyman and pay him to do what I need.

ToadRage · 04/10/2025 11:46

You were perfectly within your rights to say no. I would probably not have asked my neighbours for anything when we moved in. Even the first few times we went away we put our cat in a cattery. Now we look after each other's pets when one of us goes away. My husband fitted her bedroom floor, she borrowed our washing machine when hers broke, they paid for new wall at the bottom of the garden. It's tit for tat really but while it's nice to be neighbourly its a bit cheeky if you are new and never met them.

Fionasapples · 04/10/2025 11:51

YANBU. Don't put yourself out for people like this, it never ends as there are so many CFs about.
What a cheeky, asking someone she's never even met before!