For not wanting my kid to wear hijab or get into her dads wife new culture?

[Thecuddlymeoow]

we have a 7 year old daughter.
for me is one thing learning about different religion’s and cultures but not tryna get a step kid into YOUR religion like telling my daughter if she would like to wear a hijab when she’s older, and baby daddy is a whimp and easy controlled by his wife. This may come out as an asshole but i don’t want to grow my kid into something that shes not born from. I respect people who are born from placeses that wear hijabs and have their culture and religions. But our daughter dosn’t belong in this culture shes half norwegian and half south america, im from south america and her dad is norwegian so it make sense that she takes those culture. Sorry for my bad english but i didn’t know i have to deal with a step mom trying to interfere deeper into my daughter life

I think you were being economical with the truth when you claimed she had both hindu and muslim wedding ceremonies. Please give me the name of any imam or mosque that would allow this. On any planet.

It's very much a cultural issue.

My dad's side of the family is Christian Orthodox. When we visited the family when I was a child, some of the women in Dad's village wore headscarves all the time; others only wore them if they attended a church service.

It was definitely cultural: one aunt only wore her scarf in church, in spite of being a Christian (in what was then a Communist country); another aunt wore her scarf all the time in spite of the fact that her husband was a member of the Communist party (and a chauvinist).

One time, I had older female relatives commenting approvingly because I was wearing a headscarf. It was because my mum had put my hair rollers in for me...

I was all of 11 years old at the time.

For people asking me if the dad was a muslim or had another type of wedding

i really don’t know! I only know he was never a muslim back then We barely talk unless its about our daughter, so i know barely any information about his wife besides her being muslim i just looked her up facebook. he is also fighting me to give and change our daughters last name to his aswell. So idk

You're talking about kids that don't exist.

Alcohol that she may drink in 10 years time.

Slut-shaming a 7 year old??

Pork eating- very unlikely at age 7 as the child will not be bringing food into the house.

The ex may have left his new wife or may never have any new kids.

You need to think about what the current issues are.

The main one being how op talks to her Ex about what the expectations are about how she will be exposed to Islam in that environment and what the behaviour expectations are.

Not catastrophising about things that may never happen in 10-15 years time.

It wasn't me who posted that.

He is lying to you and the request to change the surname now, 7 years later and only after he is married to this new wife, fits in with exactly with what I warned you about. He wants to formalise his ownership status. Don't give in, for your daughter's sake. Good luck with everything and stay strong.

Same

Surely it depends on what they’re teaching the children.

E.g. If a Christian were to go into a school what do they teach? That Christianity is about believing in a loving God, who sent his son to die for our sins? (In a nutshell), or alternatively a more evangelistic Christian might come into school and teach your children that being gay is wrong and there’s a passage in the bible which states that if a man lays with another man he should be stoned to death.

I went to school in a place which preached some of these views, along with “if you don’t start believing in the lord right now you’re going to hell.

Equally does the Muslim go into school and tell the children that that they too believe in a loving God?

Or alternatively does the devout Muslim tell them that women are the property of men. And that because men can’t be trusted to keep their lustful intentions to themselves it is the woman’s responsibility to keep temptation away from them?

The whole teaching of religion just isn’t that simple, and in truth in schools children aren’t that informed, because they’re only taught the good bits, not the rest.

If the OP was Muslim and objecting to her daughter wearing something symbolic of another faith, I expect the replies would validate her concerns almost 100%. At the very least posters would not be piling on with such gusto to accuse her of being appallingly closed minded to other beliefs and cultures. I suspect they wouldn't dare. Has Islam become the definitive badge for the virtue signalling white middle class?

@miraxxx no because this was very scketchy for me to! Can you tell me how?
he even told me he would go to court when it comes to her last name.

his wife has his last name to

I'd resist the name change, I really would.

Apart from anything else, OP, if you want to travel with your daughter I believe that it's easier if you both share the same surname. There's no reason why you should make life easier for your ex but harder for you.

🎯

Yes, there’s been a bromance between the left and Islam ever since the end of communism.

Muslim parents with their own children I understand. But a step mum??? Technically she's not even supposed to marry a non Muslim

And you know the father hasn't converted?

@WearyAuldWumman i know.. i even readed once where the step mum could just travel with her step kid with no problem since having same surname while the BIO mom had to have papers and show them she was the real mom so they could travel.. im not gonna let this happend either

Which is probably why there is a high probability the ex husband has converted to Islam, at least nominally.

His new marriage will be legally a secular one - that you can check the records of but he will also have had a muslim solemnisation ceremony - at home or in a mosque and that one you cannot check at all. BUT a hijabi would not have married him without the second religious ceremony, so he has to have converted to have the second ceremony. If he chooses to lie to you about this, you cannot do much about it. However on the issue of wanting a surname change and mentioning the courts, he may be ready to expand his custody of your daughter. Only you know the terms of your current custody arrangements and how much leeway you want to allow him. Get a lawyer. You are not obliged to answer to anyone on an anonymous internet forum.

100% this OP. Don't give an inch on this and be wary of what countries you ex may want to take your child on holiday to.

Why don't you worry about it when and if it happens?

Hijab is cultural and not symbolic of Islam for a start and while I hate religion of any kind being forced on anyone no matter their age it does not sound like that is what is happening here.
OP seems to be getting het up about something that may or may not even happen one day

Because it is grooming and does not happen all in one go, one fine day at an appointed time. It starts out slow and sweet. Also because it is not your child but OP's and she can start worrying any time she chooses.

OP does not state anything on here that could be "grooming" that I have seen.
Sounds to me like she does not like her Ex's new wife and has found a reason to get lots of other people to agree with her

Dismissive. People seem keen to have a go at the op.