For not wanting my kid to wear hijab or get into her dads wife new culture?

[Thecuddlymeoow]

we have a 7 year old daughter.
for me is one thing learning about different religion’s and cultures but not tryna get a step kid into YOUR religion like telling my daughter if she would like to wear a hijab when she’s older, and baby daddy is a whimp and easy controlled by his wife. This may come out as an asshole but i don’t want to grow my kid into something that shes not born from. I respect people who are born from placeses that wear hijabs and have their culture and religions. But our daughter dosn’t belong in this culture shes half norwegian and half south america, im from south america and her dad is norwegian so it make sense that she takes those culture. Sorry for my bad english but i didn’t know i have to deal with a step mom trying to interfere deeper into my daughter life

Maybe, that's all it is. So Op is going to be a bit of bitch to the new wife. What if it is something more than that? The ex wants a surname change, Op is genuinely spooked and is not just random racist who wants to rile up people? I operate on the basis of the latter possibility and the fact that the central character who ought to engage our attention is a young child who has to please her dad and stepmum every other weekend and may be sold a lie about her body and her rights.

Possibly but I am not one of them, I have not had a go at her at all.
I still haven't seen any evidence of grooming though, just lots of drama over something that may never happen

Yes. There are obviously defensive muslim pps but most of those sneering at Op are culture warrior sharks who scent the blood of a racist in the water.

As a born Hindu. I actually read about this. The caste system was originally more about duty and doing what you're best as. And I saw someone make a thing that sati was actually a mistranslation or something and not a religious commandment.

There seems to be a lot going on.

Surname change:
If you and ex-husband agree, this is a simple online process. If you don't agree, it goes to court.
As your daughter is 7, under Norwegian law she will need to give her preference in court. So the matter will be resolved. If you are the primary caregiver, the court is unlikely to approve the change.

Raising daughter as Muslim:
The father has no doubt converted to Islam to marry his new wife, and it follows that he will want to observe Muslim traditions during his time with his daughter.
Under Norwegian Law, as the main caregiver you can decide which school she goes to, but during his visitation time, he is legally able to take her to a mosque, teach her about Islam, share halal means with her, etc.

Formally converting daughter to Islam:
Under Norwegian law, he cannot formally allow her to recite the Shahada and become Muslim without your consent. When your daughter is 12, she can then give the court her opinion, and the court will approve or deny the request in her best interests. When she is 15, she can make her own judgment.

Summary:
Without your consent, surname change cannot proceed
Without your consent, your daughter cannot be formally become Muslim
With or without your consent, your ex-husband can raise his daughter as a Muslim during his time with her

So, tone down the hyperbole, focus on the law and process, get legal representation, and keep the best interests of your child in the forefront of your mind - and put your repulsion of Muslims and frustration at your divorce from your ex-husband on the back burner.

So you think OP IS racist?

Neither you nor I know what the circumstances were. We can surmise, but we can't assume that we know and then argue as though that is established fact.

To be honest, when an adult says "........when you're older", in my experience, that's often used as the equivalent of "Maybe later" - meaning that a child is badgering you about something and you're trying to kindly change the subject. For all we know, the girl might have been curious about her SM's scarf and asked questions, then wanted to know if she would get one too; and her SM tried to stop the questions by saying "If you want to when you're older" - which is surely a way of telling a child "Not now or anytime soon".

Also, I think we need to be realistic about what 'family' actually is in reality. She's living regularly, every other weekend, with her father and with her father's wife. That IS family, as I see it.

I know there are threads on here where a DIL is firmly put in her place by her DH's parents/siblings who make it clear that they see her as 'not really family', and she'll never be accepted - and it never seems to bring a lot of happiness. Family is much more than just shared genes.

You can treat her like a random person who just happens to lives with the family if you like - maybe like a servant or a nanny who strictly does their job and then withdraws to her own room or stands silently in the corner - but as her father's wife, I would personally say that she very much IS family. Ergo part of their family IS Muslim - because her father chose to marry a woman who is a Muslim and may or may not have converted to Islam himself as well.

You may claim that, but it has become a symbol of Islam.

No, I said I do not know and am giving her the benefit of doubt as my concern is mainly for the little girl (if she exists). You have poor reading comprehension if you cannot discern that.

No one here is a mind reader and can accuse the OP of being anti Muslim and frustrated at the divorce. We don’t know if that’s the case or not. I would feel the same as the OP and would fight against the very real threat of brainwashing and oppression my daughter would face if her dad is going to go along with introducing her to this culture and it’s misogyny. As a previous poster said Iraq lowering the age of consent for girls to 9 this year is revolting. We do have to be on our guard for this kind of nonsense, however less it might manifest in this country.

You said people were scenting the blood of a Racist in the water (ie OP)
Nothing wrong with my comprehension

This is useful practical advice except that it is clear that OP is not married to her ex.

I am not claiming anything, its fact
None of the Muslims I know wear it

This comment just made me think that more often than not on a night out men will dress smartly and respectably and will be covered up. They'll have a smart shirt on, chinos and shoes. On the same night out the young ladies will be wearing all sorts of skimpy outfits showing of all their bits in the name of "body positivity".

No one here is a mind reader and can accuse the OP of being anti Muslim

I think, from what she's written in this thread, she probably isn't the biggest fan of Islam and what she assumes that all Muslims will do.......

Yes, people like you are pretty presumptuous and judgmental about the motives of poeple like Op and myself. You still are deliberately misunderstanding me but I am not surprised by that.

She doesnt have to be does she? Does she lose the right to get advice about her child on this basis?

You're only Jewish if your biological mother is Jewish. That's what Jewish law says.

You are the one who has suggested OP is Racist.

@User2025meow we where never in a relationship

Fair enough. You don't practice religion and that's totally fine. I would hope your child would be free to wear what she wishes once she's older. And possibly decide to follow any one of the many religions or belief systems.
But I don't agree on her step mum pressuring her.

It really is your ex you should be discussing this with as if he has zero input into what daughter does in her time with him that's a bit concerning.

Really? Most of the Muslims I know wear it, including many of the girls I teach. They tell me "it's a symbol of my faith".
Plus, it is enforced in many Islamic states.
So. A bit of a contradiction there?.

You can spin your wheels in frustration and vent all you like but what good would that do?

And how does that benefit the child? Surely all of that would spill over into your interactions with the child - we are talking about a 7 year old, so they are quite perceptive - damaging their self-esteem and potentially leading to depression and anxiety. They can also become aggressive and are at an increased incidence of risky sexual behaviour and promiscuity.

The marriage is over, you now co-parent. Know your rights and move one.

And what does this South American woman and her co-parenting challenges with a Norwegian husband have to do with Iraq?

Its not Islamic, nothing in The Quran about it at all
I suppose it could be used a symbol of faith but thats a personal decision (one would hope)
It IS enforced in some countries but that is about opression of women rather than religion.

I'm well aware that the hijab is cultural and not symbolic of Islam. We've all been told this a trillion times. I suggest someone tries to inform the vast majority of Muslims.