Page 12 | For not wanting my kid to wear hijab or get into her dads wife new culture?

Thecuddlymeoow · 2025-10-03T09:07:02+00:00

we have a 7 year old daughter. for me is one thing learning about different religion’s and cultures but not tryna get a step kid into YOUR religion like telling my daughter if she would like to wear a hijab when she’s older, and baby daddy is a whimp and easy controlled by his wife. This may come out as an asshole but i don’t want to grow my kid into something that shes not born from. I respect people who are born from placeses that wear hijabs and have their culture and religions. But our daughter dosn’t belong in this culture shes half norwegian and half south america, im from south america and her dad is norwegian so it make sense that she takes those culture. Sorry for my bad english but i didn’t know i have to deal with a step mom trying to interfere deeper into my daughter life

Finteq · 03/10/2025 17:00

miraxxx · 03/10/2025 15:08

No, I said I do not know and am giving her the benefit of doubt as my concern is mainly for the little girl (if she exists). You have poor reading comprehension if you cannot discern that.

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That is calling op a racist

ginasevern · 03/10/2025 17:01

LadyoftheMercians · 03/10/2025 16:34

But she's not wearing it though is she?

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My question was hypothetical and in reaction to the many posters who were calling the OP bigoted and racist. I was highlighting the inescapable irony that Islam is non-negotiable. It does not embrace other teachings or cultures and most definitely does not encourage its children to explore or be open minded to them. Yet the South American OP is flamed in racist hell for wanting to foster her own heritage with her child. I questioned how many posters would equally condemn Islamic parents for their bias. Does that make those Islamic parents racist bigots too I wonder?

Finteq · 03/10/2025 17:01

FrauPaige · 03/10/2025 15:01

There seems to be a lot going on.

Surname change:
If you and ex-husband agree, this is a simple online process. If you don't agree, it goes to court.
As your daughter is 7, under Norwegian law she will need to give her preference in court. So the matter will be resolved. If you are the primary caregiver, the court is unlikely to approve the change.

Raising daughter as Muslim:
The father has no doubt converted to Islam to marry his new wife, and it follows that he will want to observe Muslim traditions during his time with his daughter.
Under Norwegian Law, as the main caregiver you can decide which school she goes to, but during his visitation time, he is legally able to take her to a mosque, teach her about Islam, share halal means with her, etc.

Formally converting daughter to Islam:
Under Norwegian law, he cannot formally allow her to recite the Shahada and become Muslim without your consent. When your daughter is 12, she can then give the court her opinion, and the court will approve or deny the request in her best interests. When she is 15, she can make her own judgment.

Summary:
Without your consent, surname change cannot proceed
Without your consent, your daughter cannot be formally become Muslim
With or without your consent, your ex-husband can raise his daughter as a Muslim during his time with her

So, tone down the hyperbole, focus on the law and process, get legal representation, and keep the best interests of your child in the forefront of your mind - and put your repulsion of Muslims and frustration at your divorce from your ex-husband on the back burner.

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If this post is true.

This is the info op needs.

If you aren't happy with the current situation and want to restrict access you need to talk to a lawyer.

EasternStandard · 03/10/2025 17:08

Finteq · 03/10/2025 17:00

That is calling op a racist

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Reading that no she didn’t say she was.

StewkeyBlue · 03/10/2025 17:23

FrauPaige · 03/10/2025 15:01

There seems to be a lot going on.

Surname change:
If you and ex-husband agree, this is a simple online process. If you don't agree, it goes to court.
As your daughter is 7, under Norwegian law she will need to give her preference in court. So the matter will be resolved. If you are the primary caregiver, the court is unlikely to approve the change.

Raising daughter as Muslim:
The father has no doubt converted to Islam to marry his new wife, and it follows that he will want to observe Muslim traditions during his time with his daughter.
Under Norwegian Law, as the main caregiver you can decide which school she goes to, but during his visitation time, he is legally able to take her to a mosque, teach her about Islam, share halal means with her, etc.

Formally converting daughter to Islam:
Under Norwegian law, he cannot formally allow her to recite the Shahada and become Muslim without your consent. When your daughter is 12, she can then give the court her opinion, and the court will approve or deny the request in her best interests. When she is 15, she can make her own judgment.

Summary:
Without your consent, surname change cannot proceed
Without your consent, your daughter cannot be formally become Muslim
With or without your consent, your ex-husband can raise his daughter as a Muslim during his time with her

So, tone down the hyperbole, focus on the law and process, get legal representation, and keep the best interests of your child in the forefront of your mind - and put your repulsion of Muslims and frustration at your divorce from your ex-husband on the back burner.

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The OP says she was never in a real relationship with the child's father, let alone married.

Is her position wrt the surname strengthened if he is not on the birth certificate / was never married?

OP - is he on your DD's birth certificate?

SprayWhiteDung · 03/10/2025 17:29

Calliecarpa · 03/10/2025 16:27

Yes, I also couldn't help wondering how the thread might have gone if the OP was Muslim and was asking about a Catholic, say, who had told the OP's young child that she can wear a cross and convert from Islam to Catholicism if she wants to when she's older. Whether PP would be nodding along quite so approvingly about the joys of religious choice and converting to another religion.

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My answer would be exactly the same.

I believe that every adult should be able to choose for themselves whether to follow a religion - and which one - or none, regardless of which religion their parents may (or may not) follow and have 'brought them up as'.

Other people may differ, of course; not everybody agrees with people having fundamental individual rights and freedoms.

FrauPaige · 03/10/2025 17:34

StewkeyBlue · 03/10/2025 17:23

The OP says she was never in a real relationship with the child's father, let alone married.

Is her position wrt the surname strengthened if he is not on the birth certificate / was never married?

OP - is he on your DD's birth certificate?

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If unmarried OP has sole parental custody - meaning she can decide everything.

If she signed an agreement giving him joint custody, it is as I outlined above for a previously married couple.

It appears that he has his daughter on a regular schedule, so we should assume that he has joint custody.

BundleBoogie · 03/10/2025 17:45

FrauPaige · 03/10/2025 16:00

Incorrect. The father of the child has converted to Islam and married a muslim wife. He has the right to do anything he likes with the child when he has his daughter with him - go to an arcade, go karting, go to a mosque - whatever.

The step-mother is a red herring. Wind your neck in.

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You clearly have no idea what you are talking about - even OP doesn’t know if he has converted or not so I suggest you stop making stuff up. And no, no one has the right to push this 7 year old into adopting an inappropriate mode of dress.

My neck is in a perfectly appropriate position thank you.

BundleBoogie · 03/10/2025 17:49

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/10/2025 16:14

Plenty do though. I did. My own daughter didn't because I didn't lay down the law in that way.

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So it’s more about the attitude of the parents than the teens. So OP can avoid this issue if she has an honest conversation with DD when she’s old enough as long as she’s been able to protect DD from pressure from stepmum in the meantime.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 03/10/2025 17:56

Thecuddlymeoow · 03/10/2025 14:07

For people asking me if the dad was a muslim or had another type of wedding

i really don’t know! I only know he was never a muslim back then We barely talk unless its about our daughter, so i know barely any information about his wife besides her being muslim i just looked her up facebook. he is also fighting me to give and change our daughters last name to his aswell. So idk

Edited

Thing is, IF your ex has converted to Islam, it IS now part of his daughter's culture.

I think you need to chill right out about it. The more of a big deal you make it, the more importance your daughter will place on it. If you treat it as dressing up, a game, that's all it'll be to her. She's with you 86% of the time. You're the dominant influence on her.

FrauPaige · 03/10/2025 18:06

BundleBoogie · 03/10/2025 17:45

You clearly have no idea what you are talking about - even OP doesn’t know if he has converted or not so I suggest you stop making stuff up. And no, no one has the right to push this 7 year old into adopting an inappropriate mode of dress.

My neck is in a perfectly appropriate position thank you.

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Please do continue to rage and vent until you feel better

Finteq · 03/10/2025 18:22

Calliecarpa · 03/10/2025 16:27

Yes, I also couldn't help wondering how the thread might have gone if the OP was Muslim and was asking about a Catholic, say, who had told the OP's young child that she can wear a cross and convert from Islam to Catholicism if she wants to when she's older. Whether PP would be nodding along quite so approvingly about the joys of religious choice and converting to another religion.

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But it's the truth the child could convert and lots of Muslims have converted when adults.

Finteq · 03/10/2025 18:27

ginasevern · 03/10/2025 17:01

My question was hypothetical and in reaction to the many posters who were calling the OP bigoted and racist. I was highlighting the inescapable irony that Islam is non-negotiable. It does not embrace other teachings or cultures and most definitely does not encourage its children to explore or be open minded to them. Yet the South American OP is flamed in racist hell for wanting to foster her own heritage with her child. I questioned how many posters would equally condemn Islamic parents for their bias. Does that make those Islamic parents racist bigots too I wonder?

Edited

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You've made a lot of statements without anything to back them.

"It does not embrace other teachings or cultures and most definitely does not encourage its children to explore or be open minded to them"

" I questioned how many posters would equally condemn Islamic parents for their bias."- what bias?

What are you taking about?

These statements are incorrect. It's difficult to answer you're questions when they are based on incorrect assumptions.

ginasevern · 03/10/2025 18:42

Finteq · 03/10/2025 18:27

You've made a lot of statements without anything to back them.

"It does not embrace other teachings or cultures and most definitely does not encourage its children to explore or be open minded to them"

" I questioned how many posters would equally condemn Islamic parents for their bias."- what bias?

What are you taking about?

These statements are incorrect. It's difficult to answer you're questions when they are based on incorrect assumptions.

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But they aren't incorrect assumptions. Islam does not embrace other teachings. And The "bias" refers to Islamic parents raising their children in Islamic cultural and religious norms. A bias that only seems to be "wrong thinking" when it doesn't apply to Islam. If an Islamic girl wanted to dress like her Christian stepmother, she would almost certainly be forbidden. Are you seriously going to deny that?

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/10/2025 19:39

BundleBoogie · 03/10/2025 17:49

So it’s more about the attitude of the parents than the teens. So OP can avoid this issue if she has an honest conversation with DD when she’s old enough as long as she’s been able to protect DD from pressure from stepmum in the meantime.

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That was kind of my point. Forbidding a certain action and raging about it to the teenager is likely to inspire rebellion while a reasoned discussion probably won't. I was originally responding to a poster who seemed to be recommending the former. I can't remember who it was.

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/10/2025 19:41

Slightyamusedandsilly · 03/10/2025 17:56

Thing is, IF your ex has converted to Islam, it IS now part of his daughter's culture.

I think you need to chill right out about it. The more of a big deal you make it, the more importance your daughter will place on it. If you treat it as dressing up, a game, that's all it'll be to her. She's with you 86% of the time. You're the dominant influence on her.

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This.

EasternStandard · 03/10/2025 19:42

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/10/2025 19:39

That was kind of my point. Forbidding a certain action and raging about it to the teenager is likely to inspire rebellion while a reasoned discussion probably won't. I was originally responding to a poster who seemed to be recommending the former. I can't remember who it was.

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No one recommended she rage at her dd. Someone commented the dd was likely to rebel based on this thread when they had no idea.

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/10/2025 19:48

EasternStandard · 03/10/2025 19:42

No one recommended she rage at her dd. Someone commented the dd was likely to rebel based on this thread when they had no idea.

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I can't remember and I'm rapidly losing interest anyway but someone suggested what their response would be in that situation (not the OP) and I thought that would be counter productive. My position has always been that I wouldn't particularly want my child to be converted to another religion but trying on a scarf and being told she could wear one when she was older if she wanted sounds harmless to me. Anyway, I'll leave you all to it.

Burritoss · 03/10/2025 20:31

Forbidden the hijab will make someone rebel and wear it?

Longjongold · 03/10/2025 20:36

Religion aside please do not let him change your child’s surname.

Are you in Uk or Norway? I really doubt any court in the Uk will approve this request when you’re opposed to it but I don’t know how things are in Norway.

Why should he have the right to have the same name as your child and you don’t? Never understood why women give their kids their unmarried partners surname. You done well not to do that.

Ohhellnooo · 03/10/2025 21:00

Burritoss · 03/10/2025 20:31

Forbidden the hijab will make someone rebel and wear it?

Yeah, rebel by wearing a symbol of repression. I’ll wait while someone shows an example of that happening.

Burritoss · 03/10/2025 21:32

Ohhellnooo · 03/10/2025 21:00

Yeah, rebel by wearing a symbol of repression. I’ll wait while someone shows an example of that happening.

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Yeh I don't get it.

LBFseBrom · 03/10/2025 23:44

Plenty of women choose to wear the hijab.
AI Overview

The hijab holds significance as a symbol of a Muslim woman's faith, devotion to God, and commitment to modesty, representing a connection to divine commands and a rejection of objectification. It can also express cultural identity, provide a sense of empowerment and protection from harmful societal pressures, and fosters a connection to a broader community and sisterhood. The meaning and practice of wearing a hijab vary among individuals and communities, with some seeing it as a spiritual veil, others as a personal choice for self-respect, and still others incorporating it into their broader adherence to Islamic values of modesty in behavior and speech.

Finteq · 03/10/2025 23:55

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/10/2025 19:48

I can't remember and I'm rapidly losing interest anyway but someone suggested what their response would be in that situation (not the OP) and I thought that would be counter productive. My position has always been that I wouldn't particularly want my child to be converted to another religion but trying on a scarf and being told she could wear one when she was older if she wanted sounds harmless to me. Anyway, I'll leave you all to it.

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Agree

I think everything that needs to be said has already been said.

She needs to speak to her Ex and see what his take is on all this.

And if not happy and wants to stop her daughter from going there to speak to a lawyer to see what her legal options are.

Bones101 · 04/10/2025 00:49

I'd get full custody. A girl being forced to cover herself up is wrong. And step mum should not be mentioning this. Your daughter is none of her business.