For not wanting my kid to wear hijab or get into her dads wife new culture?

[Thecuddlymeoow]

we have a 7 year old daughter.
for me is one thing learning about different religion’s and cultures but not tryna get a step kid into YOUR religion like telling my daughter if she would like to wear a hijab when she’s older, and baby daddy is a whimp and easy controlled by his wife. This may come out as an asshole but i don’t want to grow my kid into something that shes not born from. I respect people who are born from placeses that wear hijabs and have their culture and religions. But our daughter dosn’t belong in this culture shes half norwegian and half south america, im from south america and her dad is norwegian so it make sense that she takes those culture. Sorry for my bad english but i didn’t know i have to deal with a step mom trying to interfere deeper into my daughter life

That's a very aggressive response.

And probably not enforceable - the child's father is entitled to have a say in how she is brought up.

However, OP, I suspect (hope) you are over-reacting. The way you describe what your DD said it sounds as if her step mum was just responding to natural curiosity about what she wears and why.

I think your best way forward is not to make a fuss but continue to teach your DD about the importance of having the freedom to make her own choices. Having a better understanding of other religions isn't a bad thing in itself.

@LemondrizzleShark no because litteraly over my DEAD BODY, if some random woman to me tries to push my daughter once shes 11-12 to wear a hijab

Islam is not a culture, it's a religion... People from Norway can be Muslim, as well as anyone else.

I don't think your are being unreasonable to be wary of your daughter being pushed to take on a religion she has no prior connection to - any religion as far as I'm concerned.

But you definitely need to educate yourself so as to not propagate false and intolerant ideas to your children.

It sounds like all she has said is your daughter can wear one when she is older, if she wants to. If wife wears one your girl may have asked her why which led to a further conversation, eg "I chose to wear this for xyz reason, I don't have to, everyone has the choice".

It's a very unusual situation for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man anyway, is the new wife a convert?

All children should learn about all faiths and should not be considered a member of any until they are old enough to choose. Probably not as late as 18 though.

Personally to me it's no different from a group of kids being presented with a stethoscope.

Every single one of those kids will want to put it in their ears and see what they could hear.

Kids are inquisitive. They ask questions.

Op doesn't know the full situation around what happened.

I would have no issues with my kids wearing any kinds of national dress from any other country. But it seems even the thought of trying on a turban or a kimono might be indoctrination in some people's eyes.

My kids would try it on and laugh about it. Not respectful to the country involved but anyway.

In a couple of weeks they will be wearing Halloween costumes again something not commonly done in my personal culture.

Then after they may attend some Chrsitmas events again not common in my culture.

I don't see any of these as indoctrination, and am comfortable with my kids being exposed to other cultures and ways of living.

I really think Op seems to be confused about what actually happened. But I think she also need to think about what she is gonna do.

Because if her kid is spending every other weekend in a household which may fully be Muslim now- unsure if her Ex has converted. She will see people.praying daily. She will notice the different food available. Different ways of dressing.

She may be invited to Eid celebrations watch people fasting etc.
All of this isn't indoctrination- it's just someone living their life with a child observer.

What she gonna do next- when the new partner is fasting and her daughter asks to try it??? Again accuse her of indoctrination???

Short of banning her kid from going there she can't stop her from being exposed to a person living their life and practicing their religion.

So yes, it is unbelievable that your exH’s new wife/GF wants your non-Muslim seven year old to start wearing one every day. Literally unbelievable.

It's certainly unbelievable based on the scenario that OP has presented to us. You seem to have taken 'when you're older' and 'if you would like to' and run with it ad absurdum.

Of course it's not something that a child would do regularly; but have you never seen a child dressing up in her mum's high heels and pearls, or wearing a white coat and a toy stethoscope when playing?

ETA: cross-posted with Finteq and we both happened to mention stethoscopes!

No, I see a hijab as completely different to a kimono, a stethescope or even a turban. It has absolutely different connotations.

And as I say, I have been brought up in another religion with some modesty dressing, which I have totally rejected for both DD and myself. I won't allow any religious instruction that treats men and women differently.

This isn't a post about a child being asked if she'd like to try on a hijab but if she will wear one when older.

I would absolutely not allow this. Modesty dressing goes against my personal values of freedom and 100% equality for women that I am instilling in my daughter, and the hopes I have for her future. I’m sorry if this offends anyone. I agree with you OP. Although I am tolerant of other people’s beliefs, that is not how I would raise my children and that is your right.

Your username rather gives the game away.

Ya, im a white muslim from Belfast!

YANBU.

No way should your DD's father's second wife inculcate the misogynist element of Islam ie that women's bodies are so shameful, and inciting men to lust, that they must cover up.

Yanbu it shouldn’t happen.

I agree with others that you may well find that her dad has converted to Islam as well. Quite probably not as an active heartfelt decision, but could be as a default to comply with his new wife's faith and the requirements/her wishes for marrying him. He's obviously at least sympathetic to Islam, otherwise he wouldn't have married her.

If so, he very likely wouldn't be especially devout - but if he does identify as a Muslim, he's 50% of your joint child's parents (even if you do dismissively refer to him as your DD's 'baby daddy'), and thus just as much entitled to bring her up in a Muslim culture as you are entitled not to.

At my DC's primary school there are many pre-pubescent girls wearing hijab. Not uncommon at all. In fact in a recent school club group picture there were more girls wearing hijab than not.

Your dds father is Muslim ?
otherwise this is a very bizarre situation. Why did he marry a hijab wearing Muslim and why did she marry him? makes no sense otherwise.

And how did the conversation go?
dd wanted to try it on. Maybe said she like it and stepmum said “well, if you’d like to, you can when you’re older ” that’s not the same scenario as “here’s a hijab. Try it on. Would you like to wear it when you’re older?”

🎣

I expect if this is true, the baby daddy has converted to Islam.

It’s fine to teach your child about your own faith and culture. And it’s fine to not want your child to wear a hijab because someone else wants it. It’s not up to this other lady, and at this age, it’s up to you! You can definitely tell her that she’s not to dress your child like so, or discus religion.
but I’m thinking, maybe she was wearing one and daughter asked so she was just making conversation? Maybe she didn’t mean to sound like it’s being imposed?

Indeed.

@Thecuddlymeoow have you discussed this with the father of your child?

I agree. I'd be absolutely livid. Recently a Muslim man came into my DD's school to talk to them about a Islam and I wasn't happy about that either. FWIW I'd feel the same way if Christianity were being pushed. I'm trying my best to instil critical thinking skills into her though so hopefully she won't be swayed by any of these people.

I don't have a problem with spirituality or questioning whether there is something else but it seems to me like organised religion just represses women and strips them of bodily autonomy.

Absolutely not. No one including a step mother would be enforcing their religion and religious clothing onto my child. I think the step mother has overstepped the mark. I agree that once the child turns 18, should they wish to take that path that would be their choice.

pictures or it didn’t happen. Which in this case would be easy!

Oh come on now, you must have seen many primary school children wearing scarves? I drive past one playground and nearly all the girls are wearing one.