To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

[Savethewhales1]

I have an 8 year old DD, her ears have always protruded quite significantly. Up until recently, shes never mentioned them, nobodies ever mentioned them to her. She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them and made me really sad.

I’d like to solve this problem now, as I believe it will likely become an area of great insecurity for her in the future and avoid any teasing down the line (girls can be cruel). I also believe it may be available on the NHS while she’s a child. However, I don’t want to make her self conscious of her ears if she isn’t and cause the insecurity.

So, AIBU?
YANBU - get them pinned back
YABU - don’t risk making her insecure if she isn’t

It’s very unlikely to be covered on the NHS unless you’re able to evidence significant physical and/or mental detriment caused to your child by leaving her ears the way they are. Even privately, it’s difficult to find a surgeon who’s willing to operate on a child with this issue, except in exceptional circumstances. DS has a similar issue, so I speak from experience having made a number of enquiries myself.

It's such a minor surgery, I'd just do it asap in your shoes. Don't make a big thing of it, don't build it into anything it's not. I'm absolutely, 100% against any kind of optional surgery for children (I wouldn't even let my DD get her ears pierced until she was a teen!), but this I would do without hesitation before it does actually become A Thing for her.

I'd take her to speak to your doctor and go ahead with the surgery if she and your doctor are happy

Have you read the criteria there needs to be evidence of significant distress

People can be spiteful, fancy speaking about a child like that.

Yes, I agree with pp’s. You sound a lovely mum and, personally, I would get it done asap.

I am 53 and my best friend had this done when she was a child.

I don't think your daughter would meet the criteria for NHS surgery. Even you have referred to it as cosmetic surgery. Just let her be.

Elf ears sounds like such a nice phrase. Why tell her that her body is wrong and needs fixing? She can easily do it when older.

If your DD isn't bothered and she isn't being bullied about it I would leave it.

I was bullied at school about my ears and I had them pinned back when I was 17 in the early 90s on the NHS. It was incredibly painful and the recovery was quite long as I recall. I had pain at my incision sites in cold weather for over a year.

I'm glad I had it done though because people were so mean about my ears.

Yes, get it done.

I have a friend who had her ears pinned as a child, she was pleased it was done when children didn’t notice the before/after.

I also underwent cosmetic surgery as a child for a separate matter and am also pleased my parents decided to do it.

I remember my mother mentioning this in the early 80s. If she'd pushed it I'd have gone for it, because kids do believe their parents.
Happily she didn't and I love my ears 😀

DH and one of his brothers had it done as children 40 years ago. It's a minor thing, just do it. But I doubt you'll get it on the NHS.

Elf ears actually sounds pretty cool?

Lots of surgeries used to be performed on children. Tonsils and adenoids etc . Those days are gone. The NHS is stretched to breaking point. As others have stated above the OPs daughter probably wouldn't meet the criteria. Why take her to a GP appointment to duscuss it when the chances of referral are next to zero.

My child has a visible difference that can be surgically "corrected". We have not gone down that route. Dc can make that decision themselves and I am certainly not going to be the one making it a thing.

Do her ears stick out or is it stahls ear which do look elf, there are plenty of private clinics, where are you based.

Couldn’t hair cover it if it were an ongoing problem for her?

I had it done at the age of 10 on the NHS. It was a really quick op - home a few hours afterwards. Think I had a week off school to recover. I don’t remember any pain.

So glad that my parents arranged it for me, I would have been mortified as a teen had I not had it done.

People always used to say I looked like an elf due to my sticky out ears, I liked to think they were picturing Galadriel rather than Dobby. (In truth I'm more hobbit than elf).

To be honest they've never bothered me at all so it wouldn't cross my mind to have surgery. I'd maybe wait to see if your Dd mentions them again before taking any further steps.

This is false. Lots of children have it on the NHS and privately. Myself included.

Given the way the entire world is being influenced by K-culture, your daughter might grow up resenting you, as in many parts of Asia that type of ears is associated with wealth and good fortune! In Japan they're linked to the God of wealth.

I would promote the positive side to a cultural difference to DD, and who knows where she could end up living.

edited for typo

They are normal shaped but protrude quite significantly, you can see them through her hair when it’s down.
Id happily pay for her to have it done if it wasn’t available on the NHS.
I just think it’s best to get it done now before she hits teenage years, essentially solve the issue before it becomes one.

You see this used to be a common thing and wasn’t necessarily seen as cosmetic surgery. My cousin had it done when we were kids in the 80s. No-one batted an eye. I would get it done OP, it’s not a big deal, like getting teeth straightened. Completely normal. I don’t view it like a nose job or boob job. It’s what kids get done.

My ears stick out and I wish my mum had had them pinned back for me when I was a child