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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

414 replies

Savethewhales1 · 01/10/2025 19:09

I have an 8 year old DD, her ears have always protruded quite significantly. Up until recently, shes never mentioned them, nobodies ever mentioned them to her. She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them and made me really sad.

I’d like to solve this problem now, as I believe it will likely become an area of great insecurity for her in the future and avoid any teasing down the line (girls can be cruel). I also believe it may be available on the NHS while she’s a child. However, I don’t want to make her self conscious of her ears if she isn’t and cause the insecurity.

So, AIBU?
YANBU - get them pinned back
YABU - don’t risk making her insecure if she isn’t

OP posts:
StarlightRobot · 01/10/2025 20:14

What’s wrong with elf ears, though? Do you think she will be teased for being unattractive? Is she happy with her ears as they are?

Sliceofbattenberg · 01/10/2025 20:15

I wouldn’t change something about herself she clearly sees positively. If you are prepared to pay privately probably you could organise it fairly quickly if it did become an issue.

Pyjamatimenow · 01/10/2025 20:16

It was quite common to do this years ago. People took a more sensible approach to it I think. Now we’re all about embracing our children’s flaws. It’s tough for kids. I had surgery when I was about 10 and there was about 4 kids on the ward after that had had their ears done all sitting there with their big bandages on. I’d do it if it was my child

Dolphinnoises · 01/10/2025 20:18

My Dad’s were done as a kid and he’s in his 80s…

Owly11 · 01/10/2025 20:19

I think just get it done without making a big deal of it unless she actively objects.

Sirzy · 01/10/2025 20:19

If she starts having issues then look into it with her. Don’t put the idea into her mind though.

I had mine done when I was 10, but it was very much done following my lead and I am pleased it was done. It wasn’t easy surgery though and the recovery was long (IIRC 10 weeks of nightly bandaging) it has to come from her.

Original poster
Savethewhales1 · 01/10/2025 20:19

I personally don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with sticky out ears.

My only concern is that she will be extremely insecure about them. I’m worried she will be teased relentlessly about them. She is honestly the most beautiful little girl, I’d like her to always feel like it.

OP posts:
Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 01/10/2025 20:19

Mine never bothered me even though I got the dumbo ears etc comments at school I just laughed or teased back. When I was 10 I found out I'd get 6 weeks off school if I had the operation and suddenly decided they bothered me 😂 I ended up having the operation twice as it didn't work on one ear the first time and I can now say as an adult in my 40s whilst they never bothered me as a child I do believe getting them pinned back (albeit for the 'wrong' reasons) has definitely helped my self confidence as an adult and I'm very glad I got them done. My experience and operation was in the early 90s so no idea what recovery time is now and if its changed and I wouldn't presume to advice what's best for your child but wanted to share my experience of having VERY prominent ears as a child and that having the surgery was absolutely a positive for me

KnottyKnitting · 01/10/2025 20:21

My ears stuck out dreadfully as a child- early 1970s) the GP put me off having surgery by saying it might go wrong and some people end up with “cauliflower ears” which freaked me and my mum out so I didn’t go ahead with it. But actually I seemed to “grow into” my ears and from adulthood they didn’t really notice any more. Looking at pictures of my DF he seemed to do the same. Perhaps I was lucky. If it bothers her then perhaps get it done- I am sure surgical procedures have come a long way since 1974!

firsttrax · 01/10/2025 20:23

My son’s ears stuck out a lot when he was younger but he’s 10 now and they actually stick out less. Might be worth leaving it for a couple of years and seeing if your daughter’s stick out less over time.

ICanSpellConfusionWithaK · 01/10/2025 20:24

My friend had hers done at about 12. They looked no different if I’m honest, but she had more confidence.

Shimmyshimmycocobop · 01/10/2025 20:25

My best friend, as a child, had sticky out ears and it really impacted on her growing up especially in sports, particularly swimming.
She paid to have them pinned back in her 20's but wished her parents had done it sooner.

Readyforslippers · 01/10/2025 20:25

I wouldn't get that done on my child, its unnecessary and changes part of who she is. I'd focus on body positivity.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 01/10/2025 20:26

Havent rtft but I am very pro you doing it

No need to go through adolescence feeling uncomfortable about something so fixable

Yanbu x

MonsterMamaJam · 01/10/2025 20:27

My best friend at school had his done when we were about 10. Everyone liked him, but they did make fun of him and he felt so much better once they were done. I’d just get it done asap with minimal fuss.

Strangesally20 · 01/10/2025 20:27

I’m not familiar with the criteria so don’t know how realistic it is but if it is possible to have it done I would do it. It’s easy to talk about body confidence and positivity but let’s be honest nobody would really want to have protruding sticky out ears so if it’s relatively minor and minimal risk associated I would 100% do it before high school, as we know kids can be awful and if I could prevent bullying before it happened I would. I’m sure people who shame you for doing something for vanity or making you feel bad about wanting to change your daughters appearance will happily get their child braces (obviously I know there’s slightly more risk associated with surgery but ultimately the goal is the same… it’s cosmetic)

Dutchhouse14 · 01/10/2025 20:28

My nan said DD had pixie ears, it was a term of endearment and I love her slightly pointy ears, although admittedly they don't stick out.
So elf ears doesn't sound bad to me, it sounds cute, but context and tone is everything.
Is she self conscious and upset by them?
I would ne nervous putting my child through an operation that wasn't technically necessary but if they were very distressed by their ears I would certainly consider it. I think ear pinning used to be more common for my parents generation don't really hear of it now.

pinkyredrose · 01/10/2025 20:30

It's all down to western beauty standards and that fact that people can't keep their mouths shut. Why not teach her body confidence?

In Korea people are actually having procedures to make their ears stick out!

blankcanvas3 · 01/10/2025 20:31

My son had his done when he was 8. Other people had started making comments but he hadn’t noticed yet, I wanted to nip it in the bud before he got insecure or any proper teasing began. He’s 16 now and he’s very grateful he got it done. We didn’t get it on the NHS, had to pay privately

minuette1 · 01/10/2025 20:31

I would wait at least until she hits puberty as she may grow into them - or by then you may realise it's not a big deal and elf ears are part of her look. 8 is too young. Also this is so rare, but a boy in my brother's class at school sadly died from a reaction to the anaesthetic when he was having his ears pinned back. I know this is so unlikely to happen, but I would never let one of my kids have a general anaesthetic for a unnecessary cosmetic procedure, especially one as young as yours. This was in the early 90s though so maybe it's not done under general anaesthetic anymore.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 01/10/2025 20:32

Mine were very 'bat', and the NHS pinned them back in 1969, when I was 7, so I must have been one of the first! I was very, very self conscious of them, and my mum (love her foresight) pushed for it.

Moonlightdust · 01/10/2025 20:34

I don’t know about now, but remember knowing several people at school or as a child getting their ears pinned back. I think it’s recommended to have the procedure done when younger actually.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 01/10/2025 20:34

Mine were very 'bat' and the NHS pinned them back in 1969, when I was 7, so I must have been one of the first! I was very self conscious of them and my Mum (love her foresight) pushed for it. Go for it.

MrsMitford3 · 01/10/2025 20:34

A friends DD had very "elfish" ears.
Had them pinned back as a child-maybe around 10?
She was just noticing and they were very prominent.
100% would do it.

TheCommonWoMan · 01/10/2025 20:35

Yes, do it.
DH had his done as a child (under 10ish). I've seen the 'before' photos and they really were pretty bad.
It shouldn't matter. But it does.