To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

[Savethewhales1]

I have an 8 year old DD, her ears have always protruded quite significantly. Up until recently, shes never mentioned them, nobodies ever mentioned them to her. She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them and made me really sad.

I’d like to solve this problem now, as I believe it will likely become an area of great insecurity for her in the future and avoid any teasing down the line (girls can be cruel). I also believe it may be available on the NHS while she’s a child. However, I don’t want to make her self conscious of her ears if she isn’t and cause the insecurity.

So, AIBU?
YANBU - get them pinned back
YABU - don’t risk making her insecure if she isn’t

What did you say to the people commenting OP? I would of told them if it was my child! Poor thing.

Would a private hospital offer it to a child? It might be worth asking that question before raising it iwith your daughter.

It was my daughter who made the comments! :(
Christ, If somebody else had said that to her I’d of flown off the handle

I would be wary of changing something about her that she is aware of and doesn’t mind currently. Not very nice to have a fault picked with you by your mum, it can always be done at a later date and would be best if it is her decision.

Edited to ask op, what was the nature of the comments she was making? And did you reply to reassure her?

I begged to have my ears pinned back but my parents refused. To this day I still wear my hair over them to hide them.

Definitely get them pinned back.

Is it a genuine issue for her though? Elf ears doesn't sound like a bad thing, she might like them.

You want to be certain, because you really don't want your child to hear that (despite your good intentions) her mother thinks she looks bad/ugly/weird enough to be bullied.

I'm also not for giving in to hypothetical future bullies.

My DS has protruding ears and he mentioned it around that age. I told him that people are different, but if they really bother him, there are options. He said OK and hasn't brought the topic up again.

It used to be quite common for boys with a short back and sides to be called Wing Nut in the 60s and 70s! I don’t recall any girls with protruding ears.

Of course, people were more good natured back then and harmless teasing and laughing with one another has taken a nasty turn nowadays and has been replaced with bullying and cruel jibes.

Children are less resilient today and are more focused on their looks from a young age.

I would not bother the NHS but would look into having it done privately if you think she is not able to stand up to any cruel comments now or later on.

A girl in my year when we were maybe about 14 had hers done (about 15years ago now). They weren't even that bad and I'm sure it was done on the NHS as they weren't from a wealthy family. Next time she mentions it, without encouraging it, you could say if she's worried about them, you're happy to look into seeing if anything can be done about it? That way, you're not saying she needs it, you're not pushing her to get it, it's just a neutral conversation of 'we can explore our options if it's something you're interested in'. Just had a Google and kids as young as 5-6 can get it done. Better sooner than later for exactly the reasons you've mentioned, better to prevent her getting low self esteem than her having to endure going downhill then looking at options.

My DS has Stahls ear on both sides. I didn't know that's what it was called though! We've always called them his Elf ears and told him how cool they are.
He's 21 now and loves them.

If she has long hair it wouldn't be noticeable.

Essentially make her have surgery when there is no issue.

This is really, really bad parenting. Just teach your daughter to love her body and be proud of the things that are uniquely her.

Ears stick out through long hair

Same.

I wasn't allowed to have my ears pinned back. My Mum even took me to see the GP so that they could both tell me what a terrible idea it was.

I'm now 50 and still never tie my hair back.

The OP has already said that they protrude through her hair.

Isn't sticky-out ears something that tends to sort itself out in later life?

14 Celebrities Who Decided Not to Hide Their Protruding Ears and Proudly Show Them to the World / Bright Side

Both my god-daughters had it done, on the NHS. Maybe around 5-6yrs old. Was a relatively good recovery and the girls obviously attended appointments where reason was discussed, but they never really asked many question. I’d forgotten until now they had it done, so means it worked well as I never think their ears stick out now and they were quite protruding.

My niece had it done. Quick and easy. As long as she's up for it, id do it. Why have any more comments.

My sibling had sticky out ears as a dc but they seemed to not stick out so much as he grew up, or maybe his head grew to fit them!

Private or NHS and how recently?

This is really frustrating. I got told that as a child and it's just not true! Imagine hating any sport purely because you had to tie your hair back and expose yourself to comments about your 'bat ears'.

I had mine done aged 7. My parents left it until I made it clear I hated them

However I'd be guided by your DD OP, it's a personal decision so don't lead her in one direction or another.

I remember a sibling having this done in the 70s.
But I don't think you could do it unless she's asked for it, really.

Most of those have perfectly normal looking ears!