To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

[Savethewhales1]

I have an 8 year old DD, her ears have always protruded quite significantly. Up until recently, shes never mentioned them, nobodies ever mentioned them to her. She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them and made me really sad.

I’d like to solve this problem now, as I believe it will likely become an area of great insecurity for her in the future and avoid any teasing down the line (girls can be cruel). I also believe it may be available on the NHS while she’s a child. However, I don’t want to make her self conscious of her ears if she isn’t and cause the insecurity.

So, AIBU?
YANBU - get them pinned back
YABU - don’t risk making her insecure if she isn’t

Just for reference, picture from Google, they are like this.

I think I’m going to wait to see if she mentions it again, and have a discussion that if it bothers her we can sort it!

One of my children has just had it done. I was told it categorically isn’t available on the nhs anymore. We went private and no issues

Hardly sticking out!

I hated my ears as a child and went on a waiting list when I was 12. At 18 they said the chances of me getting them done were low so my parents paid. I'm so grateful. It was a quick day surgery. The recovery and bandages took a little while but so pleased to have had it done.

I would wait until (or if) she mentions being unhappy with it.

atm if you say anything she will assume that you have found her ears a problem, when as yet, she does not.

Then what else might be an aesthetic problem as she grows up and will she assume that everything needs 'fixing'?

I have a Dc with a significant visible difference and is very confident about it, and is not prepared to pander to people whose opinions they do not value. Which is lucky, and it's a bit different because it isn't something that can be 'fixed'.

Loyalty and support at school was strong.

Don't project.

But of course if she is distressed, think again.

You can always tell when someone's had their ears done - it just immediately pinpoints a weakness. People who want to pick on your DD will do so for whatever reason, even a made up one.

I'd be more up for teaching resilience and self worth beyond aooearance and having completely normal, human flaws rather than being a lawnmower parent.

I had the same issue when I was a child (I’m 54 now), and I was bullied at school about it from day one. My mum took me to see the doctor to discuss getting my ears pinned back and the doctor told her it was a traumatic operation (she had had it done), which put my mum off. I was devastated but she refused to entertain it and I had a miserable time being bullied and teased about my ears until I left school. I did get it done in my early 20’s and can honestly say it was the best thing I ever did. It wasn’t traumatic and kids bounce back from these things so quickly. If you have any concerns about her being teased at school or that she will have body image issues, please consider having it done.

I knew a couple of kids at school many years ago who had their ears done, it made a huge difference to them.
i wouldn’t hesitate if it was my dc and they were becoming self conscious.

You’d be teaching her that she has to correct any perceived imperfections rather than learning to love herself as she is. Not a great start at that age. What’s next ? Nose job ?

really I think idea this is about you not her.

Does the circumcision argument not apply here?
It's an unnecessary surgical intervention, the cultural norms are questionable, the autonomy of the individual isn't being considered.

Elf ears are lovely, next time she mentions them tell her that.

But that can look cute!!

There was a child I was at school with had protruding ears no one ever said anything, then he had them pinned and some of the other pupils at school were horrendous to him, but I guess at an adult he didn't have to be around those people, didn't make his school life easier though.

Coming from someone who has protruding ears whose parents didn’t get them pinned because ‘they saw nothing wrong’ please please get it done. I didn’t personally start to notice them until year 7 and I would spend hours researching hairstyles on how to hide them (never worked because they’d just poke out anyway!). Also, I know 3 people who had them pinned back on the NHS after their parents took them to the GP just an fyi. They’ve really affected me all my life in a very negative way, I second what a pp said about not making it into a big thing but I really wish my parents done it for me

Not the same as mine was a birthmark but it was on my face. I was tremendously self conscious of it when I was a child but never ever mentioned it. Until one day my mum asked me if she could take me to the doctors to discuss taking it off. I cried with joy. I was 11, just started senior school and boys were saying it looked like I had shit on my face 😥. I had never mentioned it to my mum. I am so so thankful that she bought it up with me because I never would have with her.

I had it taken off when I was 12 and it’s the best thing I ever did x

I think your approach is sensible OP, if it is bothering her I would consider getting it done. I have only just realised from this thread that elf shaped ears are a thing that could be corrected, I have an older teen with one that has been hated since they became conscious of it. I had no idea that we could have done something about it!

The GP offered to put my son forward for surgery on his sticky out ears at his 6 week check! He doesn’t have the cartilage fold in one of them which might have been why. He’s 2, so not that long ago. I declined for now, he seems to be growing into them as his head gets bigger!

A minor surgery it is not. And you have to have evidence of very significant mental distress before the NHS will touch it. Even private surgeons will be reluctant to do it.

It’s very common in the one I work in

Get it done. Seriously. There’s no reason to have sticking out ears and people can be mean. I have two friends who were so affected by their ears and massively resented their parents not doing something about it. No reason not to.

I‘m just wondering also why you didn’t put a band on them when she was a baby. I think people in the UK don’t know that this is a thing and for the sake of a few weeks of having them with a band over them they get to not think about it again.

Who has spoken about a child "like that"? It was the child herself who said "elf ears".

Do it absolutely! My ears stick out a lot and I was teased/ bullied as a child/ teen. I wr t to the doctor at 12 who said cover them with your hair!! However, after the age of 18 I couldn’t have cared less and at 48 it’s no longer a priblem
or issue but it would have prevented a lot of pain when young x

It's not going to guarantee she won't get teased for any other element of her appearance though.

Another vote for getting them done in the best interests of your child.

My friend had her kids ears pinned back when she was very young. Wise decision. She’s now a teen with the usual teen angst but at least she doesn’t have a hang up about her ears, or have to put up with comments from others.

My ears were very stuck out as a child and I will be forever grateful that my parents supported me to have them pinned back. Sure I have photos of me as a kid where they stick out but for the vast majority of my life they have been normal and the least remarkable thing about me. Considering all the other reasons people found to pick on me as a child I’m eternally grateful that there wasn’t yet another item on that list. One of my 4 children has slightly stuck out ears but not as significantly as mine were. However if he came to hate them I would absolutely have the surgery done.